10 things to consider if you're in love with your best friend
"Laura and I met in preschool. One of my very first memories is of being 3 years old and standing up in front of my pre-school class, declaring that I would marry her someday. As kids, Laura taught me how to ride the swings, draw rolling hills, and the 'right way' to properly eat string cheese. We have fond memories of playing hide-and-go-seek, chasing after each other on the playground, and mischievously staying up during nap time. I was enamored with Laura as a child, and I still am to this day. Eventually, we lost touch upon entering our Elementary School days and for the next seven years, our family's annual Christmas cards was the only way we ever saw each other's faces. It wasn't until High School that we reconnected by happenstance through a mutual friend. Within two weeks, we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend. We continued to date through out all of High School, even though we went to different schools. We even stuck together long-distance while attending colleges in different states. We remained a resilient couple until May 23rd, 2015 when I decided to stay true to my preschool pledge and make Laura my wife. I proposed to her at the place it all began... our preschool classroom."
Friendship is the foundation of any relationship; married couples were once friends with each other, but because of love they decided to tie the knot. The value of friendship is immense and priceless. Love they say has no boundaries and this is why you have started feeling something strange for your best friend. Your best friend forever has suddenly taken over your head, he or she is the only thought that comes to your mind and this feeling or love is nothing casual. You are starting to love and develop intimate feelings for your best friend and you actually don’t know what to do, if you should confess your love to your BFF and hope your love is reciprocated or if you should shut your mouth and act normal. This post aims to bring to your attention the things you should consider and think about before you start thinking about revealing your love for and how you feel towards your best friend.
1. Are you sure you are not just being jealous
When you are very close with a friend, your best friend for that matter, you seem to be over defensive or protective, and this is very common with girls. Girls are so protective of their male best friend and they don’t like anyone messing around with their best friend. They detest any girl that is hurting their best friend and sometimes it may just be an overreaction due to jealousy. For guys, everyone knows a guy can easily get jealous when he sees his best friend with her boyfriend. So you just have to consider that it might not be love but jealousy.
2. It might ruin your friendship
"I moved out of New York for a while when I turned 18. I started in Virginia and wound up in Texas, with someone who didn't deserve me. A year later, I was finally able to break free and make it back to NY in hopes of picking up the life I left off. One night I bumped into an old friend, who asked me to attend her Uncle's funeral with her the very next day. I told her I would, but wanted to say no simply because I had no proper attire (I had left a lot of my belongings behind)..." Please visit our Facebook page to read the rest of this story.
Falling in love with your best friend can be a very risky, although potentially the luckiest, business you don’t want to invest in, especially for girls. When girls love a guy, they tend to start expecting more from him, you want him to call you always and check up on you always more than he used to do. This might look weird to your best friend because he doesn’t know you love him yet and he might start giving you some space. And for guys, for the fact that you as a guy find it difficult to hide how your love for a girl, you might end up doing strange things like attempting to kiss your best friend; and she might hate you for it.
3. How will parents feel about it?
You might want to think parents shouldn’t have a say in their child’s love life or question who they love, but you might want to consider how they feel seeing their child date you. You were that guy or girl they would divulge some family matters to or think about how they have known you since you were a child and now you want to have a relationship with their child.
4. What about his love life
You might say you are ready to risk revealing to him how you feel about him and how you want to come out of the friend zone. But have you actually thought about his personal love life, how much does he love his girlfriend, should he stop loving her and transfer the love to you?
5. Can you tolerate her ex boyfriends
You probably know all the guys that have dated her and those crushing on her, but can you deal with it? Can you handle the attention she gives other guys when you are around? And how sure are you that you will be calm knowing all the guys she has slept with.
"It was fate. It may sound like your typical "we met at a bar" type story, but for me, it was so much more. Neither Miles or I had planned on going out that night. I spotted him right when I walked in and declared to my friend, "I want HIM." A few minutes later, my friend marched right up to Miles and told him I was interested and asked if he'd like to meet me. The rest is history as they say. We were married exactly four years later to the day. I don't know what I did to deserve love like this. My life was filled with so much heartache before I met Miles. My father passed away when I was a Junior in High School. As a result, it was hard for me to build solid, trusting relationships after that. I was always afraid of letting people in because I was too scared of possibly losing someone again. Miles broke down all those walls for me but with such grace, love, and patience. He's the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. I am truly honored to be his wife and love him more than words can express."
6. Why the sudden desire and love for your best friend
Several things might make you develop a sudden affection and love for your best friend and it might totally cloud your judgment. Is he going through hard times, did the family just suffer a tragedy, or he just won a personal accolade. Seeing your best friend get to limelight can strengthen the bond between you two. It will be better you know if you love him by giving it a month or two just to be sure you really love him and not feeling for him or admiring his talents.
7. A lover is different from a friend
You might have fallen in love in all honesty with your best friend, and if you're lucky enough to work it out between you two, you should know that you have lost a friend. Yes, you traded friendship for more love, romantic relationship and that is what you will get, this is because it will be difficult for your best friend to try and be both your best friend and also your lover at the same time.
8. Does your best friend feel the same about you
"Ben and I first met when we were 4 years old and on the same T-ball team. In third grade, Ben switched to my school and we were in the same class all the way until 8th grade graduation. He was even my boyfriend for a short period of time in fourth grade until he dumped me for Rachael. I'll never let him forget that. We went on to attend the same High School and always circulated amongst the same group of friends. After High School graduation, we went our separate ways. Over the years, I heard that Ben got married and had a couple of kids. I was still single. Then came the time for our 20 year reunion and I did not want to go. What was the point? Most people never left our town and for those who did, we could keep up with their lives on Facebook. Well, my best friend desperately wanted to go to the reunion and her husband didn't. She reminded me of Senior year when I made her go to the prom with me and my boyfriend at the time. I owed her so I had no choice but to go with her. We made a deal we would only stay for an hour. We were just about to leave when Ben walked in...alone. I turned to my best friend and said, "Holy crap! When did Ben grow up to be so hot?" We couldn't figure out why he was alone since his wife was in our graduating class. We also noticed he didn't have a ring on. Quite fittingly of High School-like behavior, we scurried into a corner and pulled up his Facebook page on our phones. Turns out, Ben had gotten divorced. Score! I immediately made a deal with my best friend that I would buy all of her drinks for the rest of the night if she would stay with me so I could talk to Ben. She obliged. We stayed. Ben and I talked. And a month later we started dating. That was in 2010. Now we are married and have a 3 year old son." * This is exactly why everyone should go to their High School reunions. You never know who you'll reconnect with.
Before you start thinking about telling your best friend how you feel and how you want to come out of the friend zone, you should study your best friend and decipher if your best friend actually feels the same way towards you. If you notice your best friend doesn’t feel the same way with you, you should probably try and forget about your feelings. But if you still want to risk it, just know you might ruin everything.
9. Will you lose your best friend for confessing?
Some friendships are not too strong so they are bound to be ruined by the slightest of misunderstanding. If you are confident that your friendship with your best friend will survive even if you open up then you can. A true best friend will understand your situation and if he or she doesn’t feel the same, you might be in luck and the friendship will still exist even though it might be awkward for some time.
"You know how people say when you know, you know? The moment I met Russell I could just feel it in my body that our souls were connected in some way. I was working at Buzzfeed when one of our producers had asked me to step in and be in charge of Crafty for an upcoming shoot- which basically means I was responsible for all the food and snacks on set to feed the crew. I've always loved to host and cook so I was thrilled about the opportunity. It was a 2 day commercial shoot and I prepared a fabulous menu. I put out these Goat Cheese and Blackberry on Brioche Bites and that's when I first met Russell. He was a freelancer at the time working on set. He came over and proceeded to eat about 10 of them and then walked away. I thought he was super handsome- the kind of handsome where I became all nervous and flushed and didn't know how to say hello. That night after we wrapped, I went out and bought more Goat Cheese and Blackberries so I could make the same snack the following day. They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach- and my plan totally worked! Russell came over as soon as I started to make them. He ate one and then looked me right in the eyes and said, "These are so good I could just make out with you right now". My face turned bright red. You know when you're blushing and then you realize you're blushing, so you keep blushing even more? Well that's what happened. My face was on fire and I could barely form a sentence. Luckily Russell found it endearing, and broke the ice. We started talking and learned we're both LA natives (a rarity) and had a lot of cool local 'secret' spots to offer up. At the end of the day, he asked for my number and almost immediately asked to take me out that upcoming Friday night. I went into it with no expectations, knowing quite well what a disappointment the dating scene is in Hollywood. But Russell changed all of that. Our chemistry was effortless and we've been together ever since. Today we now live together in a 2 bedroom house in Echo Park and I started my own catering company full-time. I'm a big believer in trusting the timing of life, as it brought me my dream job and dream man all at once."
10. Seek advice from an experienced adult
Sometimes all we need is just a second opinion, a complete unbiased judgment and an opinion from a different perspective. Confide in someone that is experienced and mature enough to answer your questions about relationships; your counselor, parent or a colleague. Anybody that has a friend that is caring, trustworthy and a friend you can lean on when going through tough times is very lucky. Having a good friend is the best thing that can happen to anybody because a good friend is someone that in some certain situations are closer to you than your parents or siblings. You are very comfortable sharing your personal challenges and private life with them and they do the same, so be careful with whatever you do, so you don’t lose them.