The meaning of an affair
You are having some suspicions about your husband or partner having an affair? We're sorry to hear that, but before you take any action you have to be absolutely sure that what you suspect is true. We'd like to help you.
First, you need to be clear on what is considered an affair. To put it in simple terms, an affair is when your husband or partner is intensely involved romantically or emotionally with someone else. In an affair, sex may or may not be involved.
When one part of the couple has an affair, it is considered a betrayal of trust and it will cause a lot of distress in the relationship. An affair goes by a lot of names if you're a married couple it's called adultery and if you're in a committed relationship then it's infidelity. But it's also commonly known as cheating.
10 Signs on how to tell that your partner is cheating on you
You want to be absolutely sure that your partner is cheating on you, How can you tell? We got you covered, there are some signs that can help you with assuage your doubts. Keep reading because we're going to talk about them.
1. He starts paying extra attention to his appearance
When your partner is having an affair his appearance becomes a priority, he needs to impress someone else so he'll start to spend more time in the gym, he will take extra care of what he wears or start to use a different cologne (he wants to smell nice). All these sudden changes in the way he grooms may be a sign that he's cheating on you.
2. He stops coming home at a regular time
Has he recently made a sudden change in his routine, like coming home late without making any comment or giving any explanation about his whereabouts? That also may be a sign he's stepping out. Some men may offer an excuse like he was at the gym (he prefers to go at night because the place is less crowded), or that he was talking shop with a colleague and totally lost track of time, or the classic 'I was working late'.
3. His attitude toward his phone is either too cool or he won't let you get near it
His phone could be a big telltale. He either lets you have your way with his phone so you can check phone calls or text messages for signs of cheating. That's good, right? It would seem that he's showing you that he has nothing to hide, but that may not be the case, he can totally have another phone that he's using to make and receive those phone calls and messages.
Or he can go the other way where he won't let you get near his phone, and if you did, the phone is going to have a password that you know nothing about. When you ask him to give it to you he will decline or he would type it himself privately. If he has nothing to hide then all this wouldn't be necessary.
4. He starts playing a game of hide-and-seek
Nowadays it's almost impossible not to be connected to your partner (phone calls, messages, social media) and OK, he could be having a busy day and not be available for some hours, but it only takes a couple of minutes to send a text saying "Hi, busy day will call you soon".
The problem lies with the blackouts, those long hours where you can't reach him at all and when you asked about his whereabouts or why he didn't respond to any communication he gives you a very bogus explanation. That's not normal behavior and a sure sign something's not right.
5. There are some changes in your sex life
Has the intimacy in your relationship decreased? Have you been feeling like the connection that you use you have doesn't exist anymore? This could be an indication that your partner is seeking that intimacy and connection with someone else.
Not wanting to have sex anymore or have less than usual could be for other reasons too (stressful job situation, money problems, or health issues), so if there have been changes in your sex pattern as a couple you need to address it with him to get to the core of the problem. Maybe he's not cheating and you can work things out.
In some cases, if your partner is cheating on you, he will increase the amount of sex instead of decreasing it. This change comes from a place of shame, he feels shame about his behavior so he's trying to compensate.
Also regarding this sign, if you learn that you have an STD and you have not strayed, then the conclusion is pretty obvious.
6. He is careful not to leave a money trail
Have you noticed unusual ATM withdrawals or the total absence of credit card use? That is cause for concern, especially if the withdrawals are from your joint bank account. If your partner is cheating he will be extra careful about where he is spending the money, and cash is very hard to trail.
Money could become more than an issue if your partner is cheating.
7. He does his own laundry
If your partner is cheating on you, there may be evidence in his clothes, like make-up smears or impregnated perfume or something in his pockets, so he wouldn't want you to do to his laundry or drop his clothes for dry cleaning as you may find that incriminating evidence. So pay attention to this sign, it may seem like he's doing you a favor but in reality, he's just keeping a secret.
8. Your date night with your partner makes a disappearing act
That is so not cool! Your date night with your partner should be sacred and in a marriage it's like a hallmark, so if he starts to cancel date night, it may be a sign that he's spending your time together with another person. He could be keeping the date with you but end it early because "something came up at work" or "the guys are having a poker night" that, what do you know? It runs until midnight.
9. He stops engaging in regular conversation
Having a conversation with him suddenly has become more like a chore? Is he OK with the silent treatment? You should be concerned about that and try to get to the bottom of it. It could be that he has a big concern that he doesn't know how to express, but he been less talkative may be a sign that he's trying to hide something, like infidelity.
10. He suddenly has a dating profile
This should be pretty easy to check. If you have your suspicions and want to look for something incriminating then a quick browse through dating sites like Tinder should be enough. If he is sloppy, you'll find that he has a newly dating profile with all the wrong information.
What to do when you discover your partner's infidelity
Were your suspicions confirmed? Trying to cope with infidelity is very hard, you'll experience a mix of emotions like sadness, or disbelief or anger or shock. You probably have a lot of questions and one of them is going to be Why?
What you do or how you act after discovering that your partner cheated on you is important, so take a look at this tips or things you can do to cope with it.
1. First take a breath and then if you want to scream or cry, by all means go ahead
You need an escape to all that emotional turmoil that's going inside your head, so if after taking time to breathe and get some calm, you feel like screaming (not at him), do it! If you feel like crying, go ahead, that can be cleansing and then you'll think clearly.
You may feel like you want to punch something... find a punching bag and let go of all that anger.
2. Seek the comfort of friends and family
You need support and who better to provide it than a friend or a beloved family member. Reach out to them.
3. Get into your head that it's not your fault
Nobody forced him to cheat on you, he made the bad decision all by himself so don't blame yourself.
4. Don't make any rash decisions
You don´t have to make a decision right away, take your time, at least 24hrs to evaluate the situation. You need to talk with your partner to try to understand why the cheating happened and to assess if the relationship could be saved.
5. Don't go the revenge route
When we're hurt our first instinct is to attack, to get revenge, but this at the end of the day is not going to help you, it won't make you feel better.
How to get over a partner's infidelity
It's not easy and it takes time, but you can heal and get over a partner's infidelity. You can even save your relationship and start again. You can do it in 3 parts or phases.
1. The grieving phase
You just discovered the affair, and you have all this array of feelings and when you see the future is all black. You need to acknowledge all these feelings and go through a grieving period so you can start to heal.
2. The insight phase
Now that the crisis has passed, your head and your heart are more clear so now you need to understand why the affair happened, that way you'll start to have a more clear picture of the situation and what is the right thing to do for both of you.
3. The make some decisions phase
When you reach this phase, then it's time to make decisions whether you're going to stay together, or split up and move on. You'll know for sure if forgiveness is posible.
Forgiveness of a partner's cheating ways
Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, and when it comes to cheating it's especially difficult. He has betrayed, hurt and lied to you, so it seems like an impossible thing to do but if there's still enough love between you two maybe it's worth fighting for that relationship.
If this is your partner's first really big mistake and he has been nothing but great before it, then consider giving him a second chance. If he's really sorry about the cheating and has apologized to you over and over and you have worked through the whys and hows of said cheating... there might be hope. The final decision is yours.
Look into yourself and ask if you can really forgive him (that means that you won't hold his mistake for the rest of your lives) if your answer is yes, then you two have a fighting chance.
It's hard to accept and cope with one's partner's infidelity and it's an experience that's hard to explain if you haven't experienced it. But there are ways to overcome it and work to make the relationship work again or say goodbye for good and start fresh.