5 Reasons a Secret Relationship is a pain in the neck

Why keeping your Relationship a Secret can be detrimental to you

By Sameet
5 Reasons a Secret Relationship is a pain in the neck

The Meaning of a Secret Relationship

When two people connect but are not ready for the world to see it, they keep it a secret. It's not necessary to suddenly involve all aspects and people of your life if you're not ready for it. That's what a secret relationship or a secret love means, to romantically bond with someone and mutually deciding to keep it hidden even from close friends and family.

So, why is there a need to keep such an important part of your life hidden? Because we live in a world where people are judged by other people all the time. And every action can lead to unexpected comments that just ruins your day sometimes. This is the reason often people don't open up to the world entirely. They're too annoyed by what others would think or how they would react and prefer keeping their personal life and their commitments to themselves.

Other than this, maybe the two people in that relationship aren't too confident about the whole situation, maybe they're just nervous or new to it. But one thing's for sure, it cannot last forever never and ends up good either. 

Private vs. Secret Relationship: What is the Difference?

The main difference between the two kinds is exposure. A private relationship is one in which the intimate and really personal details about you and your partner are not shared with everyone around but they know you're together. This lets you keep a healthy relationship without worrying that it might become a topic of gossip for someone or maybe even a source of amusement for others. This is very acceptable and also very respectable for your partner as you don't broadcast the precious moments and feelings that only matter to the person you love.

Where there's true love, privacy and respect come naturally.

As for a secret relationship, it's not even sure if the two people are true to each other enough to expose it to the world. This usually means people are not sure about how they feel or how they want things with someone. It is never preferred to be confused about a sensitive matter as this and keeping your partner in the dark about your feelings too. What a relationship is called can affect how it turns out too.

If one lies about being in a relationship, then it's hard to figure out what else they're lying about.

To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves. -Federico Garcia Lorca

Is it wrong to have a Secret Relationship?

This depends on what the people perceive by the word 'wrong' in their lives. Everyone has their own mind, their own judgement. Many people let their thinking be clouded by the stereotypes or just opinions of the masses. Similarly, many people consider a secret relationship good for them, while others despise it. But calling it entirely wrong might just be a strong negative approach to it.

But yes, it has been proven many times that secret relationships don't really have much value in the long run. These kinds of acts just damage the person and their emotions towards something as sweet as love and care. It always ends up in either one or both people getting hurt and regreting the whole thing at the end.

5 Reasons a Secret Relationship is a bother

As tempting as a secret relationship can be, the drawbacks always overcome the excitement or passion which drives the whole thing. Here are some of the things to be warned about if you're getting into it:

1. The Stress

We're only human and we can bear just so much. Keeping a random secret in our daily lives is such a burden, let alone a whole relationship? That's a lot of work. Love is supposed to ease your life as you go along and make you feel happy and accompanied all the time. But the continuous tension hanging over the head about someone finding out, is just too much.

All that stress can lead to no good.

2. Hidden Emotions

3. Distance from Friends and Family

In good times, things might be all exciting or passionate, and it would seem like your partner is all you need. But in bad times, the feeling develops of not being trusted enough to expose the relationship. A person could feel all sorts of negative things about themself in that spur of anger like, is my partner ashamed of me? Do they not trust me enough? Is there something wrong with me?

So what's the point of a relationship, if it makes you feel bad?

Some people in your life are too important to shut out or ignore. Family and friends have your back and being in a secret relationship can sobatage it all. Constantly lying to the people who care about you, can have a long term effect on your future life and never in a positive way. People start to disconnect from you and there isn't a worse feeling than this.

4. Loss of Freedom

In a secret relationship, you have to plan out all your actions according to your partner and you lose the freedom to do anything willingly. Eventually, boundaries are formed without even being in the knowledge of the two people. The freedom to talk about anything with your friends, or even expressing the feelings you have for that person, everything suppresses and just gets frustrating with time.

5. Self-doubt

When a person has to be bound in any situation, especially in a relationship, they tend to get lonely. Loneliness means a lot of overthinking and when this kicks in, there goes all the self-esteem and confidence. One starts to doubt themselves and their life choices because this major one would lead to an unhappy life at some point, sooner or later.

The effects of a Secret Relationship

There's a lot to worry about when you've been through something like this. And the worst part is, most of these worries are concerned with you, yourself.

Becoming Passive

Secret relationships can often seem to get ignored by the people in it. When they don't consider this an actual relationship, they can't invest that much emotoin in it either. This behaviour becomes a part of their lives gradually, and the element of care just disappears totally. People become really passive about life and whatever it throws at them, good or bad.

Non-serious Attitude

When it's a long-term secret relationship, it might seem to feel like it's a joke. People are convinced that when you can't take it to a serious level, then why take anything seriously at all. Thoughts like these develop a non-serious attitude in people, not only in relationships but in other aspects of life too.

Increased Negativity

Such pressurizing relationships can mess up your mind in many ways. The continuous confusion and doubts can put you in a state of negative thinking that everything in the world seems off. Even in future relationships, the uncertainties come in the middle and damage it all. There appears to be no point of doing anything productive or trusting anyone. 


Locking up all those hidden feelings and emotions inside you, cannot be good at all. In some cases, secret relationships have put people in so much self-doubt that they can't cope with it in life later on. When a toxic relationship like this ends, some people feel rejected and lose hope of ever finding love all together. This gets hard to recover from.

How to end a Secret Relationship?

Ending a secret relationship can mean two things. One is that you want to completely let go of your partner and end the whole relationship. The other is that you upgrade your secret to an exposed relationship. We'll discuss the ways you should handle the former situation, in the following ways:

Be open

The worst thing about ending a commitment is not being entirely true about it. If you have something to say, this is the last chance you'll get to do it, and it is the right thing to do. Being open requires the proper time and environment to be discussing the matter as well. So make sure, there is no hurry and always do it in person. 

Discuss the reason

When a secret relationship progresses, it becomes quite evident that it might not be going in a positive direction. All the factors need to be discussed by the two people and they should come to an accord that why it should be dealt with this way. The right way to ending things, is to be absolutely clear about what led to this situation.

No restrictions

The main thing that builds up a secret relationship is being restricted all the time and this is also the cause to ending it. This factor should be ruled out when things are coming to an end. Both the persons are supposed to be free to discuss the whole thing with other people, even though it might not turn out so good.


Secret or no secret, all relationships require a lot of commitment and hard work. A secret one is just a whole new level of stress after the excitment phase has ended. Hope this article affects your mind in a positive way and you make a good choice in such a sensitive aspect of your life. And remember, in a relationship, it's never always about you, there's a whole other person to consider in making life choices. So all the best!


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