Why you should not mess up your third date and what to do

All about the third date: useful tips for guys to get it together

By Rebecca jones
Why you should not mess up your third date and what to do

Once in a while, there comes a time when dating becomes a reality for most adults. Going on a date can sometimes be a great experience while others not so much. When you go on a first date, you are usually mindful and careful about your choice of words, manners and the topic of discussion. You ain’t quite sure if you can be your true self without the other person judging. All this nervousness and anxiousness can lead to a date not going so perfect.

The first, second date has long been considered as an interview, where two people are scrutinizing and judging one another based on dressing, one or two things. When you get invited on a third date, at this point you are probably much more relaxed and willing to open up and be your self. You are already familiar with the nature and pattern of conversation, and a little comfortable around your date.

Even though it is always advised to avoid topics about exes and politics, you will notice the awkwardness slowly disappearing and the atmosphere is less tense. Women tend to be more open and willing to open up and talk about themselves on a third date.

Well, even though a third date might seem ordinary to some, it is actually a big deal. It is a time to be clear on the direction of the date and where the relationship is heading to. Do you just want to leave it as a casual relationship, or take it to the next level? All these are questions that require answers on a third date. A third date shouldn’t be messed with because it gives you the opportunity to actually see and understand the personality of your date, is he or she just pretending to be interested in you, are they always the victims in their stories or individuals who are emotionally needy? All these are signs you need to be mindful of and look out for.

What does a third date mean?

Around the third date is probably the right time to be a little relaxed and be at ease around your date. You shouldn’t be too nervous or worried about expressing yourself and sharing all of your likes, dislikes and interest. At a third date, dates are more relaxed, calm and even allowed to be flirtatious without the other partner judging or seeing you as a flirt. Some actually make a conscious decision as to whether or not they can be intimate after the third date.

The third date is also the time when most ladies like to talk about their expectations and the future. Guys like to say let’s wait and see how it goes, but not for most ladies, cause we all know we have that biological clock ticking, and we wouldn’t want to waste our time on a relationship that isn’t moving on the same direction with you. 

Be mindful of talking about the future of your relationship with your date especially on the third date, don’t be too pushy or insistent about taking the relationship to the next level. Allow the conversation to flow naturally, most men see ladies who insist on forwarding a relationship as being desperate, causing men to totally disengage. I am not suggesting you pause your life until the person is ready, but you should have a genuine conversation about what your expectations are without sounding pushy. 

Where to go on a third date

Going on a third date is much more relaxing and less nerve-racking. It’s no longer about impressing or making a good impression, it’s about knowing what makes your date most comfortable and happy, and picking a location that is suitable for both of you.

Avoid loud places or locations that can be distracting. A trendy cafe, visiting the vineyards, a popular dating spot like a city park are good examples. You just need to get creative and put in an extra effort for your date to realize how much you care about knowing them better and seeing them happy. Some dates are expensive while others are not, and that doesn’t make or break a relationship. What matters most is ensuring you both are having a great time and making it memorable. 

Conversations for third date

On a third date, you shouldn’t hold back, feel free to ask questions about a ton of things, for as long as he or she isn’t being invasive. The following are a list of some of the most important questions you can get to ask on a third date:

1. Goals

There is nothing worst than dealing with a person with no future plan, aspirations and ambition. Talk about their long and short term goals and what they are doing to achieve them.

2. Past Relationship

If it isn’t too much to ask, then you can completely ask your date about their past relationships and experiences, what they’ve gone through and how they’ve moved on from it. All these are hard but crucial conversations that need to be discussed.

3. Family

Learn more about their family, siblings, cultural backgrounds and values. All these details are vital information about your date that needs to be addressed. 

4. Childhood

Learn more about their childhood and the places where they’ve spent a lot of time at. Schools, worship places and so much more.

5. The direction of the date

At this point, feel free to ask your date how he feels about you and if he or she truly wants to move forward or just ending it on a date.

6. Marriage and kids

It’s going to be a shame to spend so much time with a person just to realize that just the mere thought of marriage and kids gets them nauseous. It’s important to get this out of the way on the third day or in the early stages of the relationship so that you are both aware and know if you are on the same page or not. Time is a very valuable commodity, and you shouldn’t be afraid to know if you’re going to be investing or wasting your time in a relationship that isn’t promising. Discuss about expectations and future, what you intend to get and give in a relationship. 

You can also talk about movies, favorite destination, food choices and so much more, don’t hold back, be creative and interested in knowing more about your dates. 

Useful Tips for Guys

Even though most times men go to dates feeling overconfident and believing they have everything in control, it can sometimes be their greatest downfall. Overconfidence can sometimes come off as self-centered. You need to relax and be vulnerable, allow yourself to open up and willing to listen, understand and be interested in what your date has to say. Don’t become disinterested or disappointed the minute things aren’t going your way.

The best dates are the ones with low expectations and high communication skills. Do not shut down when the date isn’t moving in your direction or show your date that you ain’t feeling it. Be polite and cordial, remember that the third date may still remain awkward and it can get better with time, if not, then so be it. 

Related Article: Learn how to deal with and manage Dating Anxiety
Learn how to deal with and manage Dating Anxiety
Keep dating anxiety under control and enjoy your journey in love


Going on a date is all about gaining experience and having fun. It shouldn’t be over exaggerated nor serious. Always remember to be relaxed and enjoy discovering the other person.

Third dates are not considered just dates, at this point you’ve passed the terrible twos, making you more comfortable and at ease around your date. You can lower your guard down and allow yourself to be vulnerable, you might be surprised in what you may discover and like about your date.

Be open-minded and try not to be judging, discuss important stuff like family,  goals, friends, likes and dislikes and even past relationships. Picking a good location will naturally set the date on the right path, the ambiance should be calm and relaxing, a place where you can comfortably talk and hear each other without interruption and distraction.

Topics to be discussed should only be emphasized if the date is willing to be open about it, if the body language or facial expressions changes, then reframe from the subject or change the topic. With time when the person is ready to open up, he or she will be able to open up or talk about it their selves.