Feelings. They're flittering, fickle, ever-changing concepts. However, they're powerful. Feelings empower people to act.
One aspect of feelings that many find complicated is towards someone you care about romantically. No matter how high, deep, and wide your sentiments for that someone may be, you might be left speechless with no idea how to let them know.
Why should we even bother with letting our feelings known, you may ask. Below are some reasons why.
- It's freeing – Contained feelings are like chains that bind you from freedom. Once you break free from them and make your feelings known, you gain freedom from questions, assumptions, overthinking, expectations, and so much more.
- It's easier to move on – If your feelings have something to do with breaking up, then being honest about them will help both parties to move on instead of being strung along in a relationship that isn't functioning well anymore.
- You deserve an answer – Imagine being stuck questioning if you have any chance with someone just because you were too scared to let your feelings known. You deserve to know if it was meant to be reciprocated or not.
- They deserve an explanation – On the other hand, the recipient of your feelings deserve a reason why you feel that way. Letting them know will avoid any issues in the future.
You may have someone you would move mountains for but don't know how to say it without sounding cheesy or cliché. You may want to let your partner go without breaking their heart because of many reasons. Alternatively, you may be crazy about someone but don't know how to tell them without sending them running for the hills. If any of those scenarios fit you, hopefully, the creative ways in letting someone know how you feel below will help.
How to tell someone how you feel about them without scaring them
1. Take a deep breath and relax
Telling someone how you feel is scary. Telling them in person is even more frightening. The last you want to do is transfer those feelings to them instead of what you initially had in mind to say.
Therefore, the key to confessing to someone without freaking him or her out is to relax first. Take a deep breath, count to three, meditate a bit, lower your heart rate, and anything that helps with the cause.
When you're not hyperventilating, take the plunge!
"Hey, listen, we've really gotten close lately and somehow I keep finding myself really attracted to you…" You know the drill.
2. It's not a big deal
You might think that coming clean about what you feel toward someone is a complicated matter. It truly isn't. Whether you're afraid that your friendship will get broken afterward or you will get rejected, making preconceived notions will only add to the anxiety.
Confessing is the worst time to think about the worst case scenario. Instead, think of it as a no-biggie. It's difficult, we know, but it will help calm the nerves.
Approaching someone and telling them how you feel calmly will do wonders in getting your desired reaction or response.
How to tell someone how you feel about them without hurting their feelings
3. Time it well
They say timing is everything. Well, it is. How would you feel if your partner was going to dump you after you missed the train, ran five blocks to make it to your morning meeting on time, blotched the presentation, got reprimanded by your boss and spilled coffee on your shirt?
Check up on that person beforehand. Do they seem happy and the complete opposite of stressed? Maybe you could do something to lighten the mood before being honest with your feelings.
4. Be clear, sensitive, gentle
When you want to tell someone that things aren't working out, or you aren't interested in that way, you need to be clear, crystal clear. At the same time, you need to be sensitive to their feelings and gentle with your delivery to lessen the blow.
Go for the cliché "It's not you, it's me" line and then add why. Give legitimate reasons so that he or she will understand exactly what's happening.
There's no easy way to do this, but there's no escaping it either. The last thing you want is to keep that person hoping and expecting for something that won't happen.
How to tell someone how you feel about them without saying I Love You
5. Show some extra effort
Earlier it was mentioned that feelings empower us to act. When those feelings are of love and appreciation, there is nothing we wouldn't do for that person.
You might hate the idea of baking but suddenly feel the urge to bake your loved one's favorite cake just because.
Exerting extra effort on someone sends a clear and direct signal of how you feel about him or her.
The following are some ideas you can try:
- Random acts of kindness like leaving simple love notes for your special someone to stumble on
- This may seem trivial but nowadays, remembering small details about someone goes a long way. Turn those details and customize your plan accordingly.
- Make a handmade gift. Ladies, don't be afraid to try this. Your guy will appreciate this no matter what.
- Cook for him or her. No take-out. No delivery. We're talking a full course meal. If the kitchen is your enemy, then order in but make an effort to plate everything nicely for a candlelit dinner.
- Start a savings account together. This shows that you see that person in a nice long future together.
6. Say any of the following
If you feel like "I Love You" is too overused in your relationship then feel free to try any of the following phrases that mean the same thing without the 8-letter phrase.
"You are special to me."
"I accept you as you are."
"I always have fun when I'm with you."
"You are one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received."
"I will never forget how you made my mother smile with pride."
"I could sit next to you and not say anything and be at peace."
"I trust you."
"I want to keep you in my past, present, and future."
"Seeing you after my crappy day made everything ok again."
"You complete me."
Do remember that for these phrases to be effective, you must be sincere, and they must be the truth.
The phrases above are suggestions. You could use them directly, mix and match, or add your personal touch to them.
How to tell someone how you feel about them over text
7. Make sure you have their attention
Confessing to someone, regardless if it's positive or negative, is always tricky. There are so many things you can say that without your facial expression and presence could get misinterpreted so quickly.
One important trick is to make sure you have their attention.
"Hi, just checking in if you're busy at the moment." Or, "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" Those are some ways to grab their attention.
It would be terrible if you were dumped at 9 am and only saw the message after lunch with no prelude to the event. This is a moment when the timing is once more, everything.
8. Don't be vague and follow proper grammatical rules
This rule is significant because of the format matters. Don't abbreviate any word in your text and ensure to include punctuations. Texts are so easy to misinterpret, and missing letters or the right emotion at the end will only make things worse. Leave your recipient no space to read between the lines.
A simple, "Hey, listen. I want to tell you something that's been bugging me a lot lately. I like you." reads so much better than "Hey listn I wanna tell u sumthin thts been bugging me a lot lately. I rly like u."
Many of us shy away from exposing our honest thoughts and feelings toward someone, whether you like or liked them. We tend to rely on the possibility that they will take our hints and figure things out on their own, after all, there's Twitter and Instagram subtle quotes to help us, right?
The problem with the approach of leaving things to fate is missed opportunities of amazing people becoming more than our friends or mending a dying relationship. Putting yourself out there will not only make give clarity but makes you stronger as well.