Coping With Neediness In Relationships And Friendships

Signs of neediness and the characteristics and causes of it

By Sophia R
Coping With Neediness In Relationships And Friendships

We have all experienced neediness at one point in our lives; whether it is from someone else or ourselves, neediness can be a common feeling in different types of relationships. What exactly does neediness mean? Well, it is when someone needs and wants another person in an excessive matter. Why is it important to be taken care of? Because neediness is not healthy at all, and it can completely destroy any relationship in the present. 

How to know if you are needy or if you are suffering from a needy relationship and how to deal with it? Keep reading this article and find out everything you need to know about neediness. 

First of all, to attack a needy person or relationship, it is vital that we identify if the relationship is in fact, needy. There are many signs and characteristics that will alert us on when to worry about an unhealthy level of need in a relationship, as well as different characteristics that are common in one. We will mention all of these so you can easily see if you are needy or if your friends or partner is needy. Also, we will show you the causes of neediness so you can understand the problem from a deeper level. It seems important to know? Keep reading and you will see that it is! 

The characteristics of neediness

Neediness is very easily detectable in any kind of relationship. Look out for these characteristics in yours and find out if you are in a needy relationship: 

1. Clinging to one person

Neediness will make you depend on one person at all times, and it will seem as they are the only one that matters in the world. Going out with friends, meeting people, having family events, or simply talking to your best friend won't seem either necessary or appealing to you anymore; you just want and need a single person for everything. You will also expect them to be available at all times and for everything, giving them no space at all, which will probably drive them away from you, as it can get pretty possessive and draining.

Be careful with this characteristic as it is one of the worst of neediness. 

2. Feeling the need to know everything

Neediness will also make you feel as if you need to know everything about that person at all times. Whether it is what they are doing, how they are feeling, who they are with to everything about their family or friends, you will feel as if it's your right to know everything. 

This can even lead to extreme behaviors like checking their messages and social media, and other crazy possessive stuff that will probably end with your relationship, so, look out for that!

3. Fighting

In a needy relationship, fights will be incredibly constant and they will become part of the everyday routine. Why? Because the needy person will basically pick a fight about anything at any time. They will feel as if anything is worth fighting for as they are threats to their relationship. Questioning everything, being worried all the time, and not trusting their partner or friends are characteristics of neediness. This will all lead to huge fights and arguments that will probably end with your relationship, too. 

Signs of a needy person

The needy person is the protagonist of a needy relationship. How to know if your friend or partner is needy? Well, look out for these signs in them:

4. Too emotive

Alright, we are not asking you to have the heart of a rock, but when there is too much emotivity between two people, it is very possible that it is a needy relationship. We can also identify this if the person is extremely dependent on you and just can’t seem to stop expressing their love to you. This can get boring and exhausting, come on, everything has its time. 

5. Talks too much

It's okay to chat, have opportunities for dialogue, tell your adventures and misadventures of the week; This also gives solid foundations to a relationship where trust and complicity prevail. But when you're one of those girls who could even talk with flowers, people can get overwhelmed and despaired. Put your mind to work: people like to imagine what you are thinking about. Before becoming a speaker, radiate self-confidence. Do you always have something to say? Think before you speak, do not let yourself be carried away by the need to be communicating every second. "If what you have to say is not more beautiful than silence, shut up."

6. Extremely jealous

Is it nice to kill your head all day thinking that he or she does not love you, that they are with another person, that they are cheating you or that they are lying to you? Don't you have anything better to do? Surely: checking their social media, taking your cell phone abusively, listening to your phone conversations, inspecting your backpack and questioning your friends surreptitiously are all signs of a needy person. 

​Of course: the time will come when no one will be by your side to cope with those behaviors. No one wants to share their life and heart with someone who does not have trust in them. 

7. Extreme clinginess

When people feel the need to share every day of the week with someone, they are as needy as anyone could be. Seriously, it is the epitome of neediness. If you have not given yourself reasons to feel that insecurity, do not look for them where they are busy or needing time for themselves. Allow them to be free. These spaces make them miss you and make the moments together more pleasant and emotional. Remember, united but separated.

How to deal with emotional neediness in relationships and friendships

Now that you know what is a needy relationship, we have got to give you the solutions and how to deal with them.  First of all, talking with your needy partner or friend is vital. Let them know that their behavior is no longer acceptable and that you need to make some changes in your relationship.  Once they understand this and are willing to try, use these tips and you will see how it all begins to be and feel better between the two of you! 

8. Have time for yourself

Start planning nights out with your friends, dinners with your family, or some activity where you don't bring your girl or boy; just go by yourself. They should also do the same with their family and friends. This will make you and them feel less attached to each other and be able to enjoy life without one another, which is absolutely possible and fun!

9. Cut on social media

First, try to leave social media for a while. If you can't, just cut on it a bit; don't use it so much anymore. This will make you less likely to investigate and follow everything your girl or boy is doing at all times. It actually feels pretty damn good!

10. Be calmer

You don't have to jump at your partner or friend for every stupid thing you find worth it. Before fighting, take a breath, be calm, and try to understand their position and opinions. After all, chances are that you are making a huge deal out of nothing because of your neediness, which is awful. Remember, when you are needy things seem to be worse than they actually are, so keep that in mind!

Causes of neediness

Of course, neediness doesn't just come out of the blue. There are many things that trigger this behavior in relationships, and it is important for you to know them in order to understand them. Here are the causes of neediness:

11. Fear

I dare to say that fear is the main and only cause of neediness. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. Fear of uncertainty. Fear of loss. Fear of loneliness. They are all reasons why we get so needy, the simple thought of losing something we love so much just make us go crazy and obsessed about it

These fears transform to anxiety once we let them lead our relationships with people. Anxiety makes us obsess and panic about them, and that is where neediness comes in the picture. It is the way that we express that fear, anxiety, and panic to our partners. You feel afraid of losing control and that is why you feel the need to control everything, including them. You feel afraid of them not loving you anymore, the reason why you are extremely kind and emotional with them. You feel afraid that they find someone else, the reason why you limit their interactions with others. You fear they might forget about you and that is why you want to be with them at all times; It works like that. 

Related Article: Understanding and Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Understanding and Setting Boundaries in Relationships

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Once you have read this article, I am almost certain that neediness won't be a problem for you anymore. It should be easy for you to identify and fix a needy relationship in no time. Yes, we know you are very welcome, pal!