What is Erotic Verbal Humiliation?
Are you one of those people that need a little dirty talk to really get you in the mood? Well, you know that you're not alone, many couples around the world like to include some kind of dirty talk into their intimacy. But there are others that go beyond the description of what they will like their partners to do (or don't do) in bed... they're actually turned on by being humiliated. Do you think you can get on board with that? Let us expound on what this encompasses so you can make an informed decision.
Humiliation is something that most people avoid. When you look back to humiliating episodes in your life you feel embarrassment and anxiety and shame, right? That is why reading or hearing that there are people out there that seek these scenarios actively may seem odd and incomprehensible. They seek to enter into them because by being humiliated verbally they achieve sexual arousal. This phenomenon is called erotic verbal humiliation or verbal belittlement. It is a consensual psychological form of humiliation that creates a rise in excitement. This is a common fetish that falls under the BDSM umbrella.
Erotic verbal humiliation is a psychological form of domination and or submission play so it's important to set some limits and everyone involved has to agree before the play begins so that it can be a positive experience. It is recommended to have a safe word that will stop the scene once any of the party feels uncomfortable.
People who participate in verbal humiliation often seek sexual stimulation, it happens often but is not always the result. This will depend on the power dynamics build by the two people playing the scene, it can mature into three scenarios: master-slave relationship, top-bottom or dominant-submissive. Erotic verbal humiliation is the act of humiliating, shaming or even degrading a sexual submissive, it can happen during a play, it can be delivered as punishment or as a reward.
To someone not into this kind of fetish or who doesn't engage in BDSM, it may seem or sound cruel. But, people who are involved in a consensual verbal humiliation scene find it pleasurable. The terms or names used in each particular humiliation scene will depend on the preferences of the submissive party. For some being called "pig" or "slave" may be ok and can turn them on but for others, it won't do it.
Examples of Erotic Verbal Humiliation
When people that participate in this kind of fetish engage in verbal humiliation, it can go various ways. One of them is the use of words like slut or whore; it can also include being mocked or ridiculed or even having the appearance of one of the parties belittled. It can also include the use of a racial or ethnic slur, asking permission to go to the bathroom or to eat or to have an orgasm.
When playing a power play of dominant-submissive, verbal humiliation can also include not allowing the submissive to leave the dungeon, or the house, treating him her like a pet or an object, scolding him/her like a child or made them use honorifics like Sir, Ma'am, Mistress, Mister or even Daddy.
How each party involved plays the scene or what language and treatment to use will depend on the preferences of each one and, all that should be talked about and made clear before engaging in any verbal humiliation.
8 Reasons Why Some Are So Turn On
If you don't know or are not into Erotic Verbal Humiliation, it may seem odd, at the least but the truth is that many people find this kind of fetish a turn on. Why is that? Well, there are many reasons and it may be different depending on each particular situation but here are 8 reasons for why this is enjoyable and even a turn on for some people.
1. Verbal Humiliation is a rush
Verbal humiliation is considered taboo, especially outside of the BDSM realm, that in itself is exciting to the ones who like to participate in it. Add to that, having their psychological button pushed by being humiliated verbally in the play, gives them a rush. They find it exhilarating, like the feeling you get when skydiving? Maybe?
2. Stimulation of a brain area
The same as physical pain, humiliation stimulates an area of the brain that coincidentally also remembers social rewards. It may not make sense but in a play, the one being verbally humiliated (submissive) knows that the dominant does not really believe that about him or her. It's all mind playing and since pleasure begins in the brain, this fantasy that they're playing manages to stimulate an area of the brain sparking some arousing as a reward.
3. It's a way to achieve an orgasm
Really? Yes, for those who have made verbal humiliation part of a lifestyle or part of a BDSM scene. A common type of humiliation is Role-play and in these cases, the use of language (dirty or humiliating) provides an environment that makes the scene more enjoyable for them, it gets them what they need to achieve an orgasm. It's like free-falling, the feeling while you fall is awful but... you love it.
4. Verbal Humiliation helps them overcoming anxieties
For some people, verbal humiliation helps them to shake off. These are people in senior positions in high profile jobs that in their daily lives have many pressures and are the ones in charge of telling everyone else what to do. They are in control all the time, so they use the fantasy of verbal humiliation to give (for a while) the control to somebody else so they don't have to think for that duration of the play. It helps them to overcome any anxieties resulting from their everyday lives, they lose themselves in the moment and just enjoy it.
5. It's a tool to throw away limitations
Verbal humiliation, done in a safe environment, (with mutual consent of both parties) is a tool that can help the participants throw away limitations. The dominant has no desire whatsoever of calling the submissive those humiliating names or make fun of his/her appearance. The purpose is the opposite, it's to free the submissive of any constraints, to allow them to be themselves.
6. It can be an exercise in trust
Some forms of verbal humiliation like being in a role-play where the dominant calls the submissive animal names like "dog" or "pig" or "pup" and they play the scene with a combination of loyalty and caregiving, it can be an exercise in trust. All this is done in a safe environment.
7. Verbal humiliation as part of BDSM has some health benefits
Some research tells that people who engage in BDSM (including verbal humiliation) have lower levels of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress. Their mental health improves and they experience a increase sense of well-being.
8. Some people found it extremely enjoyable
Some people find that verbal humiliation, like talking dirty during sex is, is quite an enjoyable experience and they make it a recurring play during their encounters.
How Should You Try?
So, if you want to give erotic verbal humiliation a try, how can you begin or how should you try it? The recommendation is first that you talk it through with your partner and make sure you're on the same page. After agreeing on terms, the suggestion is to start with small talk in the form of quick phrases or humiliating words, just to test the waters and see how it goes from the get-go.
Experts on verbal humiliation say that a good way to begin is to throw a compliment while embracing them. You can include dirty talking into the scene too and, if you're both agreeable, the use of cussing and calling body parts with derogatory terms is also a good start. You can also experiment arousal via verbal humiliation by talking or scolding the submissive one like a child or commanding them to confirm your actions.
The delivery of your phrases, words or sentences is important too. By practicing you'll know for sure what works for both or you, you'll know what tone to use while delivering your sentence. You can try laughing or yelling or whispering or even growling.
How To Convince Your Partner To Try
It may not be easy to convince your partner to try erotic verbal humiliation, especially if you bring it out of the blue. If you're keen on trying it and want to bring your partner on board, the best way you can do it by acknowledging it. But that's for people who're not shy to say some things that could turn awkward. Here are some ideas on how to broach the subject so you can convince him/her to try.
- Ask them to take a test or a questionnaire together so that you can "test" how sexually adventurous you both are.
- You can have a daydream (which includes a fantasy-like verbal humiliation) and then tell them about it.
- You can make a joke about it and "test the waters" for their reaction. If they don't like it, keep it a joke but if they're intrigued... maybe they'll agree to try it.
- Use the internet, there is a lot of content there that you can use to try to convince them.
Erotic verbal humiliation is not for everyone, as it falls under the umbrella of BDSM. If you're into this kind of fantasy or fetish, you should seek to do it in a safe environment where the parties involved know the limits and are agreeable with the scene. In this kind of scenario the experience is said to be enjoyable and positive.