Marriage is a great commitment, and it's okay to be worried about it. While many people are obsessed with the idea of marriage, know that it is a commitment in which you are required to invest every bit of yourself, so there’s no hurry. Take your time before you make the final decision, because if you want to “wing it” it's better if you stay in a relationship and figure everything out before you say ‘I do’.
Are There Flaws In Your Partner That You Are Dismissing?
Well, sometimes we’re so blinded by love that we fail to realize if we are losing ourselves, in the process of finding love. However, in order to make sure you aren’t about to make a mistake, read ahead. Mentioned below is a list of 7 Ways to Identify if Your Future Husband is Useless. Read it carefully and decide with an open heart and open eyes. Know that you, as an individual, are valuable and cherished, you need to keep yourself first and make the right decision.
7 Ways to Identify if Your Future Husband is Useless
1. If he doesn't consistently recognize the real you
While it may sound a little vague let me explain, I know every one of us puts up a show when we meet people. We try to show our best side. However, once things get serious, we start to ease back into our normal self. Men do too, but if he has a tendency to make you stress out about normal everyday things, then maybe he’s not the one for you. If he doesn’t walk around in a suit 24/7, he shouldn’t be asking you to wear lingerie around the house either.
I for one love food, books and painting, and anyone who’s uncomfortable with that can walk out the door, no questions asked. So what if we met at a few parties? Doesn’t mean I’ll always be in party mode, with my heels on and red lipstick on fleek, can I?!
2. If he has cheated on you
If he has cheated on you, listen to me now, listen to me loud and clear, there are no second chances! You should be alone rather than being with a person who has cheated. Granted that the world tells us to be forgiving, why doesn’t the world teach men to be better human beings? Even if the cheater changes, you will never be able to trust them the same way again?
In a perfect world, one might be able to “forgive and forget” but we human beings don’t function that way. So, if you’ve got a cheater on your hands, you should be done and dusted with him as of now. If you’re thinking about marrying a man you can’t trust with your eyes closed, is he really the man that you want to marry? A man, a person, a human being you can’t trust is useless to you.
3. If he is physically abusive
If he is physically abusive, there is no second chance, and no space for reconciliation, get up and walk out. While I know that this may sound difficult to hear, especially if you have the promise of marriage to materialize any time soon, you should know it’s time to walk away. A man who doesn’t appreciate you and puts you down is a man that doesn’t deserve to be loved. I know the world somehow put in our mind that it’s our duty to save damaged men, but it isn’t. If their parents couldn’t fix for the past 20+ years, who says you can? Remember, marriage is a 50/50 partnership; it isn’t a DIY project.
4. If you make excuses for him
Another tell that you might have missed is if you end up making excuses for him. Know that anyone who values a relationship, and is invested for a long time relationship prioritizes you. If he has a demanding job and can’t make it a few times its fine, but if it’s a habit, and in your heart, you know it is, you should walk away before it’s too late. If he is a husband who makes excuses, he is going to become a father who makes excuses, you and your future children deserve better.
5. If he isn’t financially responsible
This something that I hear quite often “my fiancée is so bad with the money I have to keep him in check”. Well, girl, that is not your job. You already have a job and that is your life. While many idealists may say money doesn’t matter, and maybe in a perfect world, it wouldn’t, but the world we live in requires financial security.
You shouldn’t let anyone drag you down, even if it’s your husband. Somehow, we have been conditioned to think that if it’s our own people who take advantage of us, it should be forgiven and they should be helped. Know that you can only help yourself, and the best way you can help yourself right now is by walking away.
6. If he has constant low self-esteem
I understand that all of us have low points in life; however, if a person’s life is constantly low, then you should help them. Help them like a normal human being, don’t marry them. Because the constant need for your approval will surely come in the way of your life and at that moment you’ll realize the mistake that you’ve made.
Know that you deserve to be happy to if you're giving someone constant assurance a time will come when you'll realize that you are the only person taking the marriage forward and that can be tiring. If seen many people ending their marriages because the constant need for approval can prove to be toxic at a certain point.
7. If he’s clingy
A clingy person is the worst type of person to marry. Granted that all human beings are a little clingy when it comes to love, but if the person is a real-life picture of the guy in “You” that’s your cue to walk away. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean that you should cease to exist independently.
Any man who demands that of you is useless, walk away. What I never understand is people asking for each other’s passwords; how does that prove loyalty? If you have no space, you’re going to end up in a marriage that is a disaster.
Real Accounts of Wives with Useless Husbands
A dear friend of mine was once dragged down the rabbit hole of debt due to her useless husband who couldn’t take any kind of financial responsibility. Not only did she manage both her house and her job, but she also had to take up a second job to support a useless husband who sat on the couch and watched TV. It was after three years of marriage that she realized the man he actually was and walked away with her two-year-old son.
Another woman I met during the women March rally told me how her husband was abusive, both verbally and physically. That man was useless to her, all he bought to her life was pain, and therefore she walked away. It was then that she said something I’ll never forget. She said “the difference between a man who verbally abuses you and a man who abuses you physically is time and opportunity”. When you think about it, you realize the depth in words, it’s true if anyone says they’re going to hit you they eventually will, all they’re looking for is a chance when they’ll get away from it.
Leave or Stay?
If you encounter such situations, the best thing to do is to walk away. Walk away while you can, you owe yourself a better partner. Sometimes the people around us tell us to settle, well I haven’t seen anyone tell a man to settle? In most cases, they are urged to “go ahead and have another experience, or they won't know: what they're missing out on”. If that is how, the people around us think, the best thing to do is to look out for ourselves.
In short, you are a valuable person, not only a daughter, a sister, a wife or a mother; you are a WOMAN! You are a Human Being! You are entitled to the same level of privacy, comfort, acknowledgment as anyone else. Don’t settle for less. Best wishes.