One Way Flirting: How To Pick Up Subtle Hints Of "Not Interested"

When to stop when the other party is only hinting subtly

By Evelyn
One Way Flirting: How To Pick Up Subtle Hints Of "Not Interested"

Is She Flirting Or Just Being Friendly?

There's this girl at your workplace that's always nice to you and you're wondering if she's flirting or if she's just being friendly. How can you be sure? Sometimes, for men, is not clear because their mind works very differently than the mind of a woman. Let's talk about this a little bit more so that you can have a clear picture of what's happening. A girl saying "Hi", or asking "How you're doing" doesn't mean that she wants to go on a date with you,

Some people are just friendly, no matter who they're talking to, that's just their nature. However, sometimes this friendliness could be construed as flirting. Differentiating between flirting from friendliness is important because there's some research that shows that both men and women are not always great at figuring out the difference. Yes, we're both bad at discerning the difference but, we do it in different ways too. Guys tend to overestimate a girl's friendliness as sexual interest; and for us girls, we tend to overestimate a guy's sexual intentions and just assume that they are being friendly when they are actually flirting. 

Men, today have a very low bar in terms of what they consider flirting or a woman "showing interest" based on their own self-esteem. They think that because a girl says "Hi" and ask about their weekend, then she must be "into them". To avoid making assumptions, and make things a little bit clear to men, let's go over the difference between being friendly vs flirty or "leading you on".

Being friendly

Being a friendly woman means that she's always smiling at people, she says hi to her coworkers in the hall; she likes to ask about your weekend. Maybe she'll hold the door for you or assist you when you need help carting things around or when you have a problem you're finding hard to solve. or even offer a tissue when you sneezed... however. if you ask her on a date. she'll say thank you, but no thank you.

Flirting or "leading you on"

When a woman is leading you on, she may seem interested in dating you because she's constantly dropping hints about her favorite restaurant but when you actually ask her, she'll not accept your invitation. She'll make you feel like you're like a placeholder until she finds something better. Maybe she'll even sleep with you, but she'll never go on a date with you... she'll give you no definite answers like maybe or "we'll see".

See the difference between both behaviors? There's a significant one, and that's Acton. Her actions toward you are the way to differentiate whether she's flirting or leading you on or just being friendly. Here's an example if you're still not clear on this. Let's say that there's a guy at the office that's kind of an odd character and not a lot of his coworkers are nice to him. But there's this girl at the office that has a friendly nature and fills that she has to counteract all the rudeness toward him by being nice. So she once in a while asks about his weekend but she doesn't go out of her way to make further conversation or gives him extra details about her life. She's just being nice because that's the way she is with everyone.

If she was to be interested in going out with him, she'll make him know that she'd like to see him and will talk to him more often and engage with him in more than just making polite conversation. 

Differences Between Friendly And Flirty

We get that sometimes things could get confusing and without knowing someone's intentions the difference between friendly and flirty behaviors may seem nearly identical and differentiating could lead to frustration of everyone involved. The context in these cases is important, but so are behaviors. Actions speak louder than words, so if you're still not clear on the difference between friendly and flirty, here are some hints to clue you in when she's actually flirting.

Prolonged eye contact

Next time you bump into each other, and she says hello and asks about your day, notice how direct and prolonged is her eye contact. There's a distinguished difference between friendly eye contact and a flirty one. If she just glances your way or just nods a hello, that's her being friendly. However, if she engages in prolonged eye contact, lowered lids and an emphatic Hello (while leaning toward you), she's definitely flirting.

Physical Contact

Another sure way of knowing if she's actually flirting is physical contact. Notice if, while you're hanging out, she starts getting close to you. She'll grab your arm, or will tap yo. Her touches will last longer and she'll kind of invade your personal space. 

More in Depth Questions

If she's being friendly, the conversation between you two will be very casual, but if she's being flirty she'll want to know everything there is about you, so she'll ask you more in-depth questions. She'll ask very personal questions and will be interested in your dating situation. 

Nonverbal cues

Pay attention to all nonverbal cues, because this is a sure way to know if she's being friendly or flirty. For example, notice if she's pursing her lips while you smile at her, or playing with her hair, or arranging her clothes. She's doing all these things unconsciously because that's her way of getting your attention. 

Playful teasing

If your conversations include some playful teasing on her part, then she's definitely flirting with you. Teasing apart from being fun can really change the dynamic between you two, and can be the difference between a friendly conversation vs a flirty one. 

Subtle Hints She's Not Interested

Just like there are subtle hints or clues when a woman is actually flirting with you, there are subtle hints that she's not interested and the flirting is just one way. So next time you want to start flirting with a girl that has caught your attention pay attention to these hints. She's telling you (nicely), that's she's not interested. 

She starts talking about someone she's dating

This should be clear enough, right? If while you're hitting on her, she starts talking about a guy she's seeing, she's telling you that she's not available. That should be your clue to back off and stop the flirting. 

She treats you like a friend

By now you know the difference between a friendly approach vs a flirty one. If the girl you're flirting with is an old acquaintance (from work, from school, or from your friend group), and she's treating you just like a friend she's sending you a clear message too, "Thank you, but I'm not interested". 

She tries to set you up with a friend

If after having a conversation with you (an enduring your flirting), she tells you that she has a friend that will be perfect for you, there's another clue that your flirting is one way only. She's saying, "no thank you" while still appreciating you as a person. 

She ditches you to go hang with a friend

You've been hanging out for a while, and you haven't quit with the flirting and want to hang out more, but she tells you that she can't because she's meeting some friends later and maybe a potential date... say no more, she's not interested. 

She actually tells you she's not interested

Some women may go with honesty and just tell you right away that they're not into you. If she tells you that she's just getting out of a bad relationship and she's not thinking of dating right now, or that she's just enjoying being single for the moment, then you should stop with the flirting. She's telling you in a nice way, she's not interested.

She's checking other men in the room

One way she's going to tell you she's not interested (without actually saying it) is by checking other men in the room she may be attracted, and then asking you things about them. That person may not even be in the room but still, she will ask your opinion about him. 

She's not looking your way

Prolonged eye contact is a sure way to know that she's flirting so if she's not even looking your way when you're speaking or trying to get her attention then she's definitely not interested. If by chance, her stare collides with you but she doesn't linger and she actually furrows her brow... keep walking, she's not interested. 

She walks away

If she's not interested and you haven't clued in, she'll get tired and just walk away. You've managed to make her uncomfortable so please don't follow her. She just gave you a very clear message of not being interested.

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Yes, we get that it's confusing discerning the difference between being friendly and being flirty but now you can have it easier. Just pay attention to her actions and behaviors toward you, that's your best bet to know if the flirting is just one way or if she's really into you.  


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