10 Signs You're In A Bad Marriage
10 signs which show that you are in a bad marriage. Check the signs to make sure whether your are in a bad marriage or not!
Jul 24, 2018
10 signs you are in an unhappy or loveless marriage
When a couple gets married, everyone wishes that it lasts for eternity. Vows and oaths are taken to be man and wife forever and everything seems like a bed of roses. But the real test starts after the couple starts living together as husband and wife. For couples who have known each other for quite long too, marriage can be a totally different affair. Expectations, behaviors, priorities change which result in differences of opinions, fights or the end of love. It is very important to continue to love each other to stay happily married. In the presence of love, one spouse tries to change and adjust oneself to the likes of the other spouse. But at times, instead of repeated trials and compromises, one or both spouses are unhappy in the marriage. While some openly express their views and take decisions regarding the future of the marriage, for some deciding to end a bad marriage could be a very tough decision. It could be due to a number of reasons like financial dependence, fear of what the society would say, future of the kids, for the kid's sake and for the fear of left alone and lonely in life. But what one needs to understand is that no matter however big the reason, nothing could or should compel one to remain in a bad marriage. Some spouses are so caught up in the humdrums of life that they fail to realize or analyze signs that show that they are in a bad marriage. They negate the obvious telltale signs of a bad marriage and continue to show up cheerful and happy for the sake of the family, kids and society. But surviving a bad marriage can take a toll on one’s health leading to anxiety, depression and a feeling of worthlessness. According to a recently published study, around 85% of the divorced people eventually get married again. Freedom from a dead marriage allows one to recover both emotionally and physically. One can take better decisions regarding one’s future and see life from a better perspective. Listed below are 10 signs which tell you that you are in a bad marriage. This advice has been given by marriage counselors and experts. Analyze these 10 signs in depth and decide whether you want to stay in the marriage or not.
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1. Less or no sex is a sign of a bad marriage
Sex is an important part of any marriage and should not be overlooked. Physical intimacy could mean a hug and a kiss and does not always mean intercourse. For any married couple, to display emotion physically seems important until unless mutually decided. If one spouse does not feel like having sex anymore but the other wants it, then its very unfair for the one who feels deprived. Lack of interest in sex is one of the major causes of failing marriages or extra-marital affairs.
Both spouses should be sensitive to each other's physical needs. Not having sex anymore could also mean that one partner suddenly has lost interest in the other partner making the other partner feel worthless or depressed. You could consider taking advice from a good sexologist to help curb this problem. Sex is a natural pain reliever and increases the production of Oxytocin which is also called the 'love hormone'. Frequent sex between spouses encourages happy emotions and almost paves the way for a happy and successful marriage. You could take this sign as a red flag and should take this as a real problem in the marriage.
2. Minimum conversations are signs of a bad marriage
There was once a time when phone conversations with your partner would continue for hours together and sometimes throughout the night. But all this seems like a distant memory now as you realize that you hardly have any conversations with each other. You only talk about important matters like school, finances, kids, and food. Gone are the days when sweet nothings were murmured into each other's ears and when every little feeling was discussed at length with your spouse. If your marriage has hit this stage, then it's an obvious indication of some real trouble. You or your spouse hardly discuss anything with each other. Rudimentary conversations about important chores to be done and basic necessities are only done and this is enough to send some alarm bells to your mind to retrospect about your marriage. Take advice from some common friends and try to sort out the matter with your husband. Marriage is all about sharing your entire being with your partner and lack of communication is a red flag for sure. Minimum conversations could also mean that you or your spouse do not feel connected with each other anymore or you feel that your partner is not intellectual enough to understand your talks. If that is the case then sort is out with your partner. Avoiding communication is the biggest problem in a marriage.
3. A feeling of loneliness in your spouse's company is a sign that your in a bad marriage
You are with your spouse but your mind is elsewhere. Either you think about other things which seem important to you or you can think of nothing that you can do with your spouse. This is a very big indication that your marriage is going bad. You no longer feel like soul mates and there is an increasing list of things and thoughts which you do not share anymore with each other. This feeling could be mutual or it could be one-sided only but in both ways, it means that you might have to let go of the bond else life could get really unhappy with each other resulting in serious complications. You could be in the same room, doing your thing while your spouse does his thing. While its normal in day-to-day life to continue with each other's tasks but its also important to feel connected. Two people can be entirely different and engaged in entirely different tasks and hobbies but they feel connected with each other, take interest in each other's works and tasks. This obviously does not mean that you do not give your spouse space at all. A marriage can be standing on the rocks if the 'giving space' to each other quotient has risen beyond repair.
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4. Listen to your inner voice
Your gut feeling reminds you often of something going amiss in your married relationship. But you choose to ignore it for the sake of avoiding fights, clashes or society. You are too scared to be left alone after a divorce. You maybe ignoring the signs of an unhappy marriage because you may be financially dependent or for the sake of your kids. You do not want to let go because it makes you feel like a loser. But it's not easy to survive like a martyr forever. If the marriage is making you unhappy, disrespected, deprived, lonely and sad then continuing to stay in it will eventually take a toll on your health. You might land up with anxiety, depression and a total loss of self-confidence and self-respect. You have accepted it within yourself that the marriage is over but you need courage to tell your spouse. Remember, everyone has a right to be happy.
5. Growing distance is a sign of a bad marriage
You may be caught up in the mundane mediocrities of life but happy couples feel the need to spend quality time with each other. They might be very busy with their lives but an hour or so every day is enough for them to connect with each other and stay happily together. But if you realize that off late you and your spouse and have not spent any quality time with each other and you are feeling more and more disconnected with him, then the marriage has clearly fallen apart in terms of bonds and is only thriving for the sake of some mutually decided aspects like kids or society. Every couple goes through some rough patches, but if the rough phase lingers for more than 2 years then its a clear sign that the marriage is getting worse from bad. Even long distance marriages survive but at times marriages within 4 walls also fail. Its just a matter of feelings, priorities and connection. While giving space to each other is important, make sure 'the space' does not space out your feelings and need for each other. A happily married couple feel the urge or need to share their daily work or small happenings with each other. A marriage in which a couple do not share each other's lives is clearly an empty marriage in which either both or one of the spouses is unhappy.
6. No more fights are a sign of a bad marriage
All couples fight and it is considered very healthy to fight. After all you only fight with people whom you consider your own. No one would go and fight with a stranger on the street no matter however intolerable he/she is. You would just choose to ignore. But if you feel fighting will not bring any result with your spouse then there is something wrong for sure. Normally after a fight, one or the other person gives in to the other person's demands.
If your marriage has also reached a stage when instead of voicing your concerns, demanding your rights or fighting over trivial matters, you prefer to ignore your spouse and sort the matter on your own, then it should bring some warning bells in your mind regarding your marriage. Emotionally you don't need your spouse any more. This sign definitely indicates trouble in the marriage.
7. You dream of a life without your spouse in a bad marriage
For most happily married people, even to think of a life without their partners can be very disturbing. But if you have reached a stage in your married when you often fantasize about a life without your spouse, then it should ring some warning bells in your mind. This however evokes only when you have totally and completely lost a single trace of love or emotion for your spouse. Life with your spouse seems like a burden to you and you dislike or prevent doing things together. Its a clear sign of a bad marriage and if you wish to give the marriage another chance, then its time to take advice from a marriage counselor to help you both sort out your problems.
8. You keep secrets from your spouse
Your spouse could be too judgmental, aggressive, short-tempered or narrow-minded. The smallest difference of opinion could flare his temper, cause him to throw tantrums or to behave badly with you. To avoid such scenes you start keeping secrets from your spouse for want of peace in the house. But this is a clear sign of a bad marriage. It's time for you to introspect whether you want to continue living like this or whether you want to let go of this bad marriage to be able to live happily again. For some women, to come to a conclusion to let go could be very tough and next to impossible, but proper advice can help them come out of a bad marriage and an unhappy life. In a happy married life, both the spouses do not keep a lot of secrets from each other. They trust each other completely and prefer to do things togehter.
9. Humiliation and insensitivity from your spouse!
It could be very heart-breaking for a person to be insulted or condemned in public from their own spouses. This is a clear indication that he/she thinks lowly of you and does not care for your self-esteem or respect. This is a sign that the marriage has entered a dangerous zone and is no-longer a happy one. In a happy marriage, both the partners have mutual respect, care and admiration of each other. These are basic virtues required for the sustainance of a happily married life. You should stand up for your own dignity and self-respect and if the marriage is only giving you sorrows and humiliation, then its time to let go and call it quits.
10.Future life seems bleak and hopeless!
Happily married couples dream of a life together. They have goals together, work hard for their kids and work hard to secure their old age. But if you start to feel hopeless in your marriage, if the thought of spending your entire life with your husband gives you shudders and you resent him or your wife completely, then it's a sign that the marriage is bad and there is no sense in dragging it further. Dragging a stale or stagnant marriage ahead would only result in heart-break, fights, depressions, loneliness and unhappy life for both. Move on with life, who knows happiness might be just lurking around the corner waiting for you to grab the opportunity.
It's very tough to decide to end a marriage. After years of living together, people tend to get used to the routine, ease and family set-up choosing to ignore their personal happiness. Many women do not want to end their marriages as they see themselves as a failure in life if their marriage does not work. Remember that mistakes do happen in life. You cannot ever predict before getting married that yours would last forever. Times change, people change and circumstances change too. One needs to grow up with age and time, learn to let go and move one. Advice from well-wishers or counselors should be sought when one feels that they are stuck up in a bad marriage.
Everyone has a right to be happy and satisfied in life. It's very tough to live a life of compromise for the sake of others. It will eventually take a toll on one's health and overall personality. Remember, nothing is more important in life than mental peace and contentment. It's ok if the marriage has failed and there is nothing to feel guilty about it. Just in order to make a marriage last long, one should not accept the rude or bad behavior of one's spouse. Proper advice sought from experienced people will help you think clearly and come out of your mental tensions. Every problem has a solution in life. Kids will have to understand. They should be considerate towards your feelings if they love you.
Financial dependence could be sorted out in many other ways. There are no reasons which can compel you to stay in a bad marriage. You obviously do not want to show your kids a bad and an unhappy marriage. They learn from what they see and might have behavioral issues when they grow up. Its better to be single than to show them an unhappy marriage. Show them how happy and contented your are and also show them the importance of being happy in life. No marriage or no ties in life should ever compel you to compromise on your happiness.