Is it Possible To Hate The Person I Love?
Ever heard of a love-hate relationship? We’ve all been there at some point, so don’t worry. Hating the person you love is completely normal. In fact, it is now considered an important aspect of a relationship. It is said that any relationship cannot survive without a tiny speck of conflict in between. Conflicts and harmless arguments can make a bond stronger every time.
So you might be thinking; little fights aside, what about those moments when you just want to storm out of the room in anger? And when you feel like you cannot even stand your boyfriend breathing? What about the harsh moments when you start doubting the whole relationship? Honey, it’s completely fine. Yes, it is possible to hate the person you love, even if it is for a few moments. But do consider it serious if this anger becomes persistent and dominates your love.
The other aspect is not something you’d like to know. When you start hating your boyfriend beyond a certain limit, it could mean bad news. And we’re here to help you figure out what that hatred is all about.
What Are The Possible Peasons Why I Hate My Boyfriend?
Considering the anger and hatred towards your boyfriend, being real and irreversible, what could be the reasons? Here are some explained by experts:
1. Your high expectations for him to be the perfect boyfriend
Have you ever felt that he is not the dream guy you always wanted? Sometimes the anger is not his fault; it is just our minds creating a fantasy and then not being satisfied with the reality. You want things from him which are exceedingly high in expectation and somewhat unrealistic too. Always attending you, always having a mood according to yours, always apologizing, etc. these are all demands that seem a bit too much. So before you kick him out of your life, think about your unrealistic expectations that might not meet with any other guy you date either.
2. Are you too sensitive?
Did you ever think about how you could be the reason for the hatred? Girls are usually sensitive but sometimes things can get out of hands. Being overly possessive and highly sensitive can create problems in a relationship that shouldn’t even exist. If you’re the sensitive one, even his innocent traits will make you hate him like snoring or being slow, etc.
3. Keep a check on yours and your boyfriend’s mental health
It is a possibility that one of you is going through a tough time and doesn’t know how to show it. Keep a check on yourself first. Are you often depressed? Do you get anxious real soon? Is something constantly worrying about you? If yes, then these emotions could manifest as anger too. If it’s not you, then your boyfriend might be affected and acts the way you hate. So dig deep to find the crux of all that hatred and anger before lashing out.
4. You might have handed him over your happiness and life
We get it, being in love means your feelings are connected, you share all kinds of emotions with each other. But there is a difference when you completely let your boyfriend take over your happiness. It is a known fact that if someone cannot find happiness with themselves, they probably cannot find it with someone either. If you think that it is his ‘job’ to make you happy, then you’re wrong. If he fails at that job, you will obviously get angry. But get this idea out of your head and your relationship.
5. Do you recognize your part in the hatred?
It is easy to miss out on the actual reasons for any conflict in all that anger. These extreme emotions cloud our judgment and we forget to think about how we can be the real reason behind jeopardizing the whole relationship. Just think about it, it is not possible that one person is the reason behind EVERYTHING. So don’t consider him the sole villain, as it takes two to tango.
What Do I Do When I Feel Hatred Towards My Boyfriend?
Of course, nobody likes this hatred in their heads. And no one wants to express it either. So what to do when you feel angry and like you hate your guy? Here are some helpful tips:
Walk it off
Sometimes, we are so overwhelmed with emotions that it’s hard to clearly think what we’re feeling EXACTLY. So, the next time you start to hate your boyfriend, instead of creating a mess out of it, just go for a walk. Take the whole tension into an open space and just breathe. Calm yourself first and then think about the reason that got you so angry.
A healthy distance with your boyfriend
Make sure you and your boyfriend are not always clinging on to each other because that is bound to create problems. It’s natural to get a little tired of seeing or doing things with the same person all day, every day. Doing your own activities or hanging out with your friends every once in a while does not mean you’re a bad girlfriend. Ask him to do so as well. A health space is good to minimize the hatred.
Figure out what this relationship is giving you and what you actually need from it
Facing the facts, yes, it could be a possibility that the relationship isn’t working the way it should be because you’re hating on him so hard. After figuring out the stuff that is wrong with you and your own emotions, evaluate how the relationship is working out for you. Does it make you happy? Is all the fighting and hatred worth it? If you think clearly and neutrally, you will find an answer soon.
What Can I Do To Alleviate My Negative Feelings?
When you’re thinking of making yourself a better person, you’re already done with the first step. Very few people realize their own mistakes and even fewer choose to correct them. Here’s how you can turn your negative feelings into positive ones:
Change what you can
Of course, when changing your boyfriend is out of the question, you have to change other little things. Instead of fighting, just keep stay quiet and talk things out with him when you’re both cool and calm. If you guys communicate less, then improve this. If you hate certain points about him, just tell him (be as nice as possible though). This will help you get the relief you wanted.
Escape and find something relaxing to do
The moment you feel the rage, just leave the area and take a deep breath. Now you find something that helps you relax. Listen to some music, maybe some yoga would help. Talk to a friend (try not to gossip about your guy because that will just add to the anger). Watch a comedy movie, go for some ice-cream, and come back relaxed. Then tackle the issue with a clear head.
Keep a check on your own head
Never forget your tangled up emotions that keep getting bottled up every time you engage in something stressful. Deal with these thoughts; they will only get toxic if not let out. If you have a hard time doing this on your own, consult a therapist or maybe your best friend who’d be happy to help. Find the root of these negative feelings; the only t then you’ll know how to fight them.
What Can I Do To Have Better Conflict Resolution With My Boyfriend?
Yes, it actually is possible to solve regular relationship problems like mature people. Not having to shout at each other, not throwing stuff, all the crying, and all that hatred can be handled rationally if you guys develop good conflict resolution.
Stop with the guessing game
Everyone gets annoyed when they have to figure out what’s wrong with someone. What did they do to upset you? What was their fault? So, the next time you’re angry with him, just say it. Be straightforward that you didn’t like it when he… ”whatever he did”. And yes, you don’t have to be shouting at that time, because that’s useless.
Talk your heart out to your guy
We know it’s hard to cry alone and have nowhere to put that anger. But you have a boyfriend, just tell him. Boyfriends are not for fighting, they’re there for love. He’ll be happy to know that you’re sharing these emotions with him and he will definitely try to better himself too.
Listen to him
After clearing out your head, dealing with your anger, and explaining your side to him, it’s his turn. Be the best girlfriend whom he’d love sharing with and would hate fighting with. You would be surprised to know how many emotions guys keep bottled up inside and never show. Make him comfortable with you so much that he finally opens up. This is the best way to get better conflict resolution.
It’s all a game of patience. Some people don’t feel that it is worth it to fight for someone or make amends for a relationship. In this way, they lose something precious and regret it later on. Don’t do this even if you hate your boyfriend to extremes at some point. Try making things better in a certain healthy limit. But still, if things don’t work out, then you have to escape before it gets a little too toxic for the both of you.