If you are one those women whose bae keeps on making excuses after excuse to justify his bad behavior and his relentless cheating than it is time to wake up and take a stand for yourself. However, it is not always easy for women to leave their men when and if they are caught cheating. While emotional attachment can be a hamper in taking a step towards freedom, another reason which makes women stay with cheaters is that they are expert excuse-makers! They manipulate emotions and justify their bad behavior by coming up with excuses that are infuriating and feeble to say the least.
Some of the most common excuses used by men to justify their cheating include:
1. If it’s digital or online then it’s not real
In this day and age, many men think or justify their actions by separating the physical world from the digital world. Such men think that it is okay to indulge in porn, live pornographic chats and to be on various sexting and phone sex websites and apps. To them, since there is no physical interaction with the other person, the above activities are as good as masturbating which they rationalize as a given right for all men.
2. Oral sex is not cheating
Perhaps the biggest scandal that rocked the world was the Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton scandal where the former president assured everyone that there was no sexual intercourse involved. However, what men forget here is that cheating is not just sleeping with another person but it is any intimate interaction physical as well as emotional with a person other than your partner.
3. It is only cheating if you get caught
Homes and families have been destroyed by men who think that cheating is only cheating if you get caught. This is not true primarily because even when a wife doesn’t know about a husband’s affair, she has the experience and the emotional depth to sense the change in her husband's behavior. She might notice her husband’s emotional state changing or his habits changing. This can result in alienation of the husband from his wife and can lead to the possible demise of that relationship even if the cheating is never found.
If you ladies find your partner making any of the above excuses then it is time to let go of the relationship and move on to someone who will respect you and your intelligence rather than hurt you with his moronic logic and infidelity.
The Stress and Trauma You Faced When He Cheated
Those of us who have been cheated on seldom understand the extent of the damage that a partner can cause to our emotional state. We are often rushed by our friends to find a rebound and get over the past relationship which is not always the best of approaches. It is therefore very important to talk about our feelings and emotions and process them completely before we move on to a new relationship and are ready to commit again. In this regard, therapy can help a great deal to let out your anger and frustration and deal with what psychologists call ‘infidelity PTSD’.
Infidelity PTSD is very common and can leave a person traumatized. Especially women who have had a hard time leaving their cheating ex, might be a victim of emotional abuse and sometimes even physical abuse. In such cases, women are often faced with guilt for leaving their ex and end up blaming themselves for the failure of the relationship. This is the first sign of infidelity PTSD. Other symptoms include erratic behavior, disorientation, intrusive thoughts such as imaging your partner committing infidelity, trust issues and mistrust of the opposite sex and hopelessness and depression.
The best way to deal with infidelity PTSD is to acknowledge that you have it and are suffering from all of the various symptoms that follow with it. It is also important that you realize that it is okay to feel this way and that it is not your fault that you are going through this trauma. Most importantly, it is important to understand that you are not alone in this journey. You can seek out help from a professional, friends or join a group that can help you process these feelings and can help you be your old self again.
20 Reasons Why You Should Not Forgive a Cheater and Just Leave Him
Here are some reasons why you should not forgive a Cheater:
1. No remorse
2. He wants an open relationship
If your partner insists on an open relationship then it means he wants to cheat and be with women other than you. Unless you want the same from your relationship, it is best to ditch him.
3. Blames others for his mistakes
If your partner is constantly blaming the other person, his friends, the internet or worse, you; for the cheating then be sure to kick him out before he can hurt you further.
4. Do not ignore the abuse
If your partner is abusive towards you after cheating or abused someone as part of cheating such as a minor then it is a huge red flag and you must escape while you can.
If there are children or a pregnancy involved then it is best to leave the cheater behind for the sake of your kids. In case he gets someone else pregnant then that is one inexcusable cue to leave.
6. Once a cheater always a cheater
If your partner has cheated before and he is doing it again then that means he is not planning to change or stop any time soon. Best to leave as soon as you can.
7. Emotional attachments
If your partner was emotionally involved with someone apart from being physically involved too then that is the worst sort of cheating. It means that he is in too deep and it is not worth your time to try and save him now.
8. He isn’t open about his mistake
If you are trying to fix your relationship with a cheating partner and you find him hiding his texts and correspondence with his lover then its best to stop trying because he clearly does not want to open up and move on from the past.
9. Your life is upset
If your day to day life is affected by the affair because your husband had an affair with your neighbor, or a close friend or relative then its best to leave him before it gets too complicated.
10. It’s been going on for too long
If the affair has been going on for more than a year then that means your partner has been too invested in living another life and it is best to leave him.
11. Says no to help
If he does not cooperate in seeking professional help to work on the relationship post cheating then that means he is not ready to accept his mistake and its best to leave him.
12. He has broken promises
If he promises to stop cheating and does it again then he will continue doing it.
13. If he is still in contact with his mistress
If this is the case then that is a warning sign and you must leave him no matter what his excuse might be.
If you are only staying with your cheating partner because you want revenge then that is not the best of strategies as it will end up emotionally scarring you further than you already are.
15. Affair hurts loved ones
If the affair hurt your children or other family members than it is best to let go of your partner as it is not just you that he has hurt but your loved ones too.
16. Your family doesn’t want you to forgive him
If your family and friends are not on board with you forgiving a cheating partner then pay heed to their reasons and listen to them. They might sense something that you might not be able to at that moment. To make a better decision, taking a break might clear somethings up too.
17. You haven’t said I do yet
If you are not married to your partner yet and he cheats on you then get out of the relationship as fast as you can. Do not settle for a cheater. There’s plenty of honest fish in the sea.
18. He blames the alcohol
If your partner blames alcohol for his mistake then you are a fool for believing him. Also, he might justify cheating every time he is a little drunk.
19. People knew about his mistress
If His affair was public and he did not do anything to hide it or embarrassed you in the process then he is not worth sticking by.
20. You lost your savings
If your savings account took a hit because of your partner's infidelity then that means he is not only a cheater but also a fool and its best to leave him behind.
How to Protect Your Emotions If You Cannot Leave Him
The best way to protect yourself in case you cannot leave your cheating partner because of children or any other compulsion is to first take some time apart until you have processed your feeling. Staying away from social media and reassessing your priorities might also help you protect your emotions and get over the hurt. Pamper yourself, get busy with things that you always wanted to do or explore a new hobby to soothe your hurt ego. Lastly, opt for a couple’s therapy and see where it takes your relationship.
A cheating partner can be one of the most emotionally damaging things a person can face. Therefore, it is important to recognize a cheater, call out his excuses and be able to walk away when need be. It is not worth the hurt and the pain to stay on with a cheater especially one who has no remorse.