I've Been Hurt So Many Times That I Distrust Relationship

How to remove psychological barriers and learn to love again

By Kimmy
I've Been Hurt So Many Times That I Distrust Relationship

When You Feel Nothing But Hurt When In Love

Love is a lifelong journey and lesson. So many times we put our heart and trust on someone that betrayed our love. It doesn't take a lot for us to build up barriers and never want to fall in love again. It's especially heartbreaking to be betrayed by the one person you thought would stay in your life.

A lot of people experience this in their relationship. No matter what they do, they only feel hurt and fear. It can be trauma from previous relationships or the distrust built up in your current one. Regardless of the reasons, it's impacting your relationships and your ability to live a healthy life.

Psychological trauma is likely to be the culprit. Sometimes, it may be reasons you don't realize. You never thought the past experience could impact you so deeply that it plays a role in how you evaluate your current relationship.

If you have been struggling to find answers and feel nothing but hurt, read on to find out the signs and how you can get out of feeling this way.

Signs That You Are Psychologically Blocking Relationship

1. You choose not to trust your partner without obvious reasons

Deep down you want to distrust him and push him away. Nothing bad has ever happened with this one. He has been behaving well, honest, and direct with you. Yet, you are finding all the excuses you can to not trust him. It doesn't sound logical nor reasonable. You are simply looking for excuses.

It can be from your past relationships. Were you ever cheated on by previous partners? If so, it can be the reason you are scared to trust again. It can all be subconscious. You feel you are over it and it doesn't affect you in finding a new partner. But somewhere in your heart, you know you were hurt once and it's hard to trust again. It's beyond your conscious mind.

2. You refuse the affection

What's the point of a relationship if you are going to reject all the affection? You are scared of having someone close to you and you are rejecting all his affectionate moves. Investing emotionally might be unavoidable if you take in his love and care. You refuse to believe someone loves you so it'd be easier when they leave. You are not available to build up a relationship.

Do you always find reasons to cancel a date? Do you get a bunch of friends to hang out together as opposed to just being alone? You are minimizing the time spent with him so you don't have to sort out your emotions. You are confused as to what to do and you are pushing him away.

Relationships are a two-way street. When you push someone away, they might actually leave and it won't be their fault. It's okay if you want them to go away, But don't end up blaming them for leaving.

3. You reject physical intimacy

If it's not for personal belief and there are no obvious reasons as to why you would reject physical intimacy, you are likely to be scared of getting attached. The tingling feeling you get when your partner wants to be close to you. The overwhelming flood of fear takes over and you just want to leave.

Having a physical connection is important in most relationships. Are you rejecting it because you don't want the responsibility or you are scared of how you might feel?

4. You get mad at everything

This can be a clear sign of you blocking a relationship psychologically rather than you are just being a spoiled brat. For every tiny thing your partner does, you find a reason to hate on. You dislike the way he does the dishes, the way he talks on the phone, the way he plays video games...All those things that could be resolved with a chat end up being you bashing him.

This can be a mental health issue that requires medical attention if it's abnormally a lot. But, in many cases, it's you trying to push him away and let yourself feel he is not good enough. You are digging or even making up excuses that he is not good enough for you because you are emotionally not available. That's also why you want to be outraged with him so maybe he will leave you as you don't have the courage to leave him.

It's a bad sign that many experiencing when they are blocking a relationship. They don't want to grow and want to end it the moment it feels too overwhelming for them.

5. You are still upset even if he does everything your way

This is the most ignored sign but one of the most obvious ones. You are not even looking for excuses at this point. Even if he does everything right, you are still unsure and feel hurt. The sense of fear is creeping up on you. There's no possible explanation as to why you would feel that way. You feel down all the time and you don't seem to know what you want.

There's nothing he did wrong. You know there's something within you that you need to fix. This is a powerful sign to understand because if the problem is not him, you know it's something you need to work on yourself.

How To Overcome Your Own Barrier And Break Free

1. Investigate your past

Take a hard, unbiased look at your past. Why are you feeling the way you feel? Did something happen in the past that you can't forget? Or something that happened that you thought you already moved on from but haven't? It's a golden chance to take a look at your past experiences to locate what could be wrong.

You can't fix a problem without knowing the roots. Maybe it's from your childhood. Did you witness anything as a child that made you scared of being in a relationship? Think about your past. Find out what's wrong.

Once you have located the issue, analyze it, and see what you want to do with it. Do you want to call the person up to resolve the unresolved? Do you want to write it down on a paper and burn it to have closure? The closure means something different to each person and it's entirely up to you what you want to do with it. Most of the time, people are blocking new relationships because they never have closure on the unresolved issues. You might want to find out what it might be.

2. Talk to a professional

In all cases, anything that involves psychological reactions in a serious manner should be brought to professional attention. Your relationship might be affecting your life in other aspects and it might not be something the internet can fix. It's always good to talk it out with a professional who can systematically sort out your issues and understand your needs. After all, a tailored-made solution is always better than any generic ones you can get.

Don't be afraid or ashamed to talk with a professional. We all need help to shine through sometimes.

3. Be honest with your partner

The last thing you want is to lie to your partner about what you are going through. Be honest about your situation and problems. You will instantly feel relieved the moment you come clean. Not telling your partner the truth is probably making you feel guilty and even more stressed than you are. You are a unit together. If you are not able to deal with the relationship right now, he has the right to know. It's not your fault to be struggling but it's not his fault too. He doesn't deserve to be put through this in the dark. Let him know so he can make his decision as well. If he wants to stay with you and sail through the storm together, great, he is the man you should really be grateful for. If he feels he is not ready for this, let him go. He deserves his free choice with full disclosure.

Lying to your partner will never do you any good. If you want to keep him but are too afraid of what he will think, encourage him to go to therapy with you as it will likely be easier with your partner. Everything is instantly better when you are doing it with your partner. Don't exclude him if you do love him.

Related Article: 11 Empathetic Ways to Handle a Partner With Trust Issues
11 Empathetic Ways to Handle a Partner With Trust Issues

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Summary

Feeling hurt when you are in love is like a strike to your heart. It's painful and you feel guilty. There are many signs that tell you things are not right. Listen to the signs and get help so you can bloom with your partner. The first thing in a relationship is communication. Let your partner know what is going on. You never know how much good that will do you.

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