He’s Pulling Away! Dating Advice For When He Ghosts

Imagine this. You’ve been steadily dating a guy for a little over three months, texting back and forth, going out on dates, and so far, everything seems to be going beautifully. He buys you flowers, compliments you, and doesn’t shy away from holding your hand out in public and supporting your dreams and desires. When you’ve got yourself convinced that he’s the one, he pulls the most unfortunate trick out of the dating bag and starts to ghost you!

If you’re anything like us, chances are the scenario we’ve asked you to imagine above bears a striking resemblance to the reality of the dating world. Well, that’s because it does. Suppose you’re a single woman on the hunt for her prince charming. In that case, you’re bound to come across some serial ghosters, who lead you on for a good couple of months; they slowly start to leave you on seen, grow increasingly distant, and then completely disappear from your life without a single trace!

Apart from the frustration that arises from being ghosted like that, that is, without a single explanation of what made them want to run away from you so bad, the atrocious act of ghosting someone can leave the ghosted person (ghostee?) haunted (no pun intended) of relationships forever. If you wish to stop getting ghosted by the object of all your desire and affections, you might want to consider digging a little deeper and figure out why he pulls away and ghosts.

If your someone who’s currently dealing with the seen zone, which might even be worse than the ever-dreaded friend zone, or a cold and distant partner who you fear will ghost you soon, keep reading on to figure out what caused your man to sever ties, in the coldest way possible, and if there’s anything you can do to stop him from becoming the one that got away!

Unless you’ve been spending the better half of your adult life vacationing in a hidden spot in the Bahamas with your beau, chances are you, like the rest of us, are familiar with the perils brought on by being ghosted by someone you thought liked you back. For those of you who haven’t been through the heart-wrenching experience of feeling your boyfriend, fiance, or even husband (and to be honest, we’re glad you haven’t experienced it), ghosting is when a partner or a potential partner pulls away from the relationship, without leaving even the most simple text as an explanation.

For a ghost, the act of leaving someone on reading, blocking them from every possible social media platform (including email!), and then simply deleting their number might seem like the most effective way to break up with someone. There’s no heartbreak, no hysterics, no drama, and perhaps the most important of all, there’s no need to answer any questions. Not only can the ghoster move on with their love life with a new girl on their arm, but they also get to avoid all the pain of a break-up, which is usually meant to be shared between two lovers who can’t go on with their blossoming relationship for whatever reason.

For the person being ghosted, however, things aren’t exactly dandy and perfect. To be frank with you, things aren’t even remotely close to being dandy or perfect. Instead of working things out, communicating, and voicing their problems with the relationship, the object of your desire decided to take the easy way out and left you hanging in the middle with nothing but confusion in your heart.

For the longest time, you spend your time wondering whether it was something you said or did, or if you were just too much for them to handle. For the ghosted, there is no closure, there is no certainty; only the mind-boggling pain that comes at the expense of being so coldly rejected by someone you thought loved, or at least liked you.

If you feel your beau becoming distant, and withdrawing from the relationship emotionally, you might want to check out some of the most common reasons as to why men recoil from seemingly perfect dating scenarios.

Whether it’s a lack of compatibility, a deep-rooted fear of confrontation, or something that you’ve done- you might just be surprised at all the different reasons that compel men to pull away from the women that they’ve been seeing. As a general rule of thumb, however, most of these reasons have nothing to do with the person being ghosted, so you can stop being so harsh on yourself!

Although this might come off as a surprise to many women reading this, the fact of the matter is, your man is just as scared and anxious as you are. We’ve all been there-the rabid butterflies fluttering in your stomach just gets too much to handle sometimes. For a serial ghoster, it might just be easy to ghost someone rather than to face the anxiety-inducing and frankly, scary feelings he has for you.

While most men appreciate it when a girl makes the first move, oftentimes they can feel suffocated by the pressure to fit into this mold of a perfect man, and in turn, ghost their (clingy) partners as an easy way to exit the uncomfortable situation. 

Let’s face it. Breakups hurt. The fresh ache of heartache lingers like a ghost (no pun intended), and oftentimes, things can get real messy. Accusations get thrown across the board, and there’s just too much drama involved. In situations like these, it’s just easier for a man to ghost his girl without offering an explanation.

Okay, this one might be a massive surprise to most women, but sometimes a guy might ghost you because it seems to him like you don’t care about the relationship anymore. From a guy’s perspective, having a proper break up with someone who isn’t even properly committed to the relationship is just too much work and effort, where it’s much simpler to ghost.

If you’re still unsure of whether or not your man plans on participating in the most unfortunate vanishing act of all, here are some tell-tale signs to look out for if he’s losing interest in you:

• He never makes plans anymore, it’s almost as if you’re the only one planning dates now.
• He frequently picks fights with you on the most menial of topics and engages in activities he knows you dislike.
• He isn’t responsive anymore. Perhaps the biggest sign that he’s just not that into you anymore is his lack of interest in replying to your calls or texts. And when he does reply, his replies are cold and curt, almost as if you’re his boss instead of his girlfriend.

• He doesn’t bother asking you questions about your life anymore. When he does agree to go out on a date, the conversations are awkward and short, and he has absolutely no desire in knowing more about your life.
• Lastly, but certainly not least, it seems as though he’s always got an excuse to not hang out, or even talk to you anymore. When you confront him about it, he makes up some excuse about being tired from work, or something vaguely similar to it.

Now that you’ve made it to the part in the article where you can accurately tell whether or not you’re dealing with a distant lover; here are some things that you can do to spark things again with your beloved.

It might seem like the end of the universe, but at the end of the day, it’s just another break up.

Become the best possible version of yourself, and he’ll soon come running back. And if he doesn’t, there will be hundreds of men willing to take his place.

 Instead of beating yourself up over his behavior, be honest with yourself, accept the situation, forgive him, and gently move on to bigger, better things.

While it may seem like your entire existence revolves around the love of your life, the fact of the matter is he isn’t all that you’ve made him up to be in your head. You can, and you will learn to love and move on without a man who ghosted you!

Now that we’ve gone over some of the “Do’s” of dealing with a distant partner who might be on the verge of ghosting you, here are some “Don’ts” that you’ll need to remember:

• Don’t be clingy.
• Don’t try to hold on to him by making false promises, or excuses.
• Do not, under any circumstance, stalk his social media.
• Don’t try to suppress the pain of being ghosted, instead accept it and be gentle with yourself.
• Don’t try to blame yourself for his mistakes. Be kinder to yourself!

Hopefully, by the end of the article, we’ve enabled all our gals to deal with the heartbreak that comes at the expense of being ghosted by someone you liked. Just remember, at the end of the day, there’s still love (and hope) for all of us!