Why Am I Not Attracted To My Husband Anymore And What To Do

Sparks may fade, but there’s always something to spice things up!

By Sophia R
Why Am I Not Attracted To My Husband Anymore And What To Do

Does The “Spark” Stay Throughout The Whole Relationship?

It is said that true love is one that lasts for a lifetime, but what factors influence the prolongation of a relationship? A scientific study reveals the aspects behind this process.
In his book Psychology of the masses and analysis of the self, the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, associated the passion of couple relationships with an over-idealization of the other. To this, added the psychiatrist, Hagop Akiska, that "being in love for more than six months can be pathological" he even associated it with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Given this, the neuroscientist Lucy L. Brown, from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and the anthropologist specialized in love and attraction, Helen Fisher, decided to carry out a study to disprove the hypotheses about the duration of an affective relationship.

The document, entitled Neural correlations of long-lasting intense romantic love, concluded that the process of falling in love, as well as the stages after the affective relationship, are a matter of the nervous system; In other words, this is the one in charge of making love last or on the contrary, it disappears.

For this the authors had the help of seventeen married people - ten men and seven women-, who had been married for between 10 and 29 years, and underwent an MRI while they were shown photographs of their respective partners, in addition to close friends and family.

The results of the tests showed that, in the image of their partners, the brain of the volunteers activated an area responsible for dopamine, the neurotransmitter that regulates motivation and reward. In addition, they assured, when observing the photos, feeling as in love as on the first day. "The results suggest that the reward system that is activated in certain long-term couples can be prolonged in time, as occurs with a new love, but it is also related to the systems involved in attachment and mating," said the authors of the study.

In fact, the couples therapist, Walter Riso, affirms, with respect to his book Enamored or enslaved: a manifesto of affective liberation, that "swearing eternal love is crazy." "How am I going to swear on an emotion? The other person can become exploitative, fall in love with another, change sex ... One can only commit to things that depend on oneself, such as being sincere or respecting the other," he adds .

The nervous system would be in charge of controlling the duration of love, a period in which, also, other aspects such as emotional attachment interact and the union established by the two members of the couple, which influences the 'want' and that the attraction is maintained, as on the first day.

Can Love And Marriage Possibly Survive Without Attraction?

The most romantic believe that love is magic, an inexplicable phenomenon. The most logical point to much more scientific reasons and to some butterflies that are born from a simple chemical process. There are many opinions, but the truth is that physical attraction plays a decisive role in the consolidation of any relationship, or maybe not? Do we overlook certain behaviors but do not forgive that the facade does not convince us? And most importantly: Is a relationship possible without too much physical attraction?

Once a girl met a boy; It seemed to be a crush of those that are increasingly scarce. They had a good conversation, many tastes in common, empathy and he physically convinced her, not entirely, but somewhat. The day came to immerse herself in bedroom matters and expectations were high, however, the girl began to feel a certain rejection towards her. Yes, he is handsome! Yes, but she was not attracted to this man in sexual terms, with respect to a physical attraction that, despite being labeled as superficial, seems more necessary than ever. And left her.

A boy went through a similar situation, except that unlike the previous case, he decided to continue with that person, and although in bed he did not feel everything that one expects when he meets his future partner, many other aspects compensated him: his personality, the way she looked at him. However, after a few months that boy ended up sleeping with someone else.

There is the answer!

What Are The Possible Reasons Why I’m Not Attracted To My Husband Anymore?

If this is your case, you are surely asking yourself questions such as: What is happening? Is love over? Why do I no longer desire my partner sexually? Should I tell my partner? Who can I turn to for advice on this issue? All the problems that are related to the lack of desire towards the partner have different causes, depending on the individual situation of each person and the relationship itself.

Some of the most common are those related to painful intercourse in women, monotony in the relationship, constant fights, and discussions, intense stress, among many other reasons that may be generating dissatisfaction in one or both people.  We are  now going to explain in detail what are the main reasons why this happens, as well as we will solve some of your doubts related to the subject that may be generating concern.

1. Anorgasmia

This is a sexual disorder that is quite common in women. Anorgasmia refers to the inability of women to reach orgasm. There is no specific age at which this condition arises since it can occur at any age and can be caused by a neurological, metabolic and / or endocrine alteration, by suffering from a chronic disease, due to the consumption of some drugs and / or drugs , due to psychological, cultural and / or social causes, among others.

2. Relationship problems

When there is not a good relationship with the couple and they are constantly fighting or arguing, a quite tense environment is generated between them that can not only reduce the sexual desire towards the couple but can even cause a general rejection of the other. 

3. Monotony

One of the most frequent reasons why you begin to stop desiring your partner is because the relationship becomes quite routine and somehow the spark that previously kept the novelty and the continuous mystery in sexual relationships is lost.

4. Loss of physical attraction

Another possible reason why you have stopped feeling desire for your partner is that you have stopped liking them physically. This can be due to different reasons, including that they have neglected their physical appearance and now they do not seem attractive or that you simply no longer see them with the same eyes as before.

Is It Okay To Not Be Attracted To My Husband?

It may be contradictory, but the truth is that love as a couple and wanting your partner do not always go hand in hand. However, it must be clarified that the complaint of "low level of desire" is sometimes confused with "sexual desire mismatches", that is, we have fewer erotic relationships than we would like to have.

How Do I Deal With This Lack Of Attraction?

Now that you know some of the reasons why you do not feel desire towards your partner, below we are going to offer you some of the best solutions to be able to put an end to this situation.

Reflect deeply and widely about the situation you are going through, such as the lack of desire towards your partner until you truly find its origin (for this you can guide yourself in the most common causes that I show you above). Communicate to your partner the discomfort you feel that you are not fully enjoying the sexual relations you are having now and how much you solved this problem together. When you tell him, do not do it as a claim as if he (she) was at fault, remember that it is the responsibility of both to ensure their physical and emotional well-being. After having identified where the problem related to the lack of desire towards your partner comes from, try to find an objective solution really adapted to what is happening to you.

How Can I Make The Attraction Be Possible Again? What Can We Do?

In case you have tried individually and / or as a couple by all means to find a solution to this situation that happens to them and until now you feel that you are in the same. It is recommended that you attend psychological therapy and in case it is a problem that has to be solved as a couple (in most cases it is), psychological therapy can be carried out where both participate in it. For example, if the problem is more related to issues such as monotony, stress, the birth of a child, going through a phase of mourning, etc.

The psychologist is going to propose some techniques and tools to be carried out at home individually or as a couple so that the sexual desire between the two increases. The couples sessions are sometimes carried out individually and in others it is carried out together where both attend therapy at the same time. What it is intended to achieve is that both of you individually manage to feel better about yourself and increase your emotional well-being since also in this way your satisfaction within the couple relationship improves considerably.

Related Article: 10 Ways to Rekindle Love and Sparks in your marriage
10 Ways to Rekindle Love and Sparks in your marriage

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Love is still contradictory, but the physical aspect determines that we want to move on or not. Although many insist on denying it, a relationship without too much physical attraction will never come to fruition, especially when we seek passion and desire.