12 Subtle Signs You're Dating An Emotionally Unavailable Man

If you have been in a relationship with men who had little concern for you, the reason for that was that they were emotionally unavailable.

By Gerald Matiri
12 Subtle Signs You're Dating An Emotionally Unavailable Man

Who is an emotionally unavailable man?

Recognizing a man who is emotionally unavailable can be a difficult thing especially when you don't know the characteristics. But it could be that you have put a lot of effort into your relationship with a man, but you end up finding that the man doesn’t give the same to you in return. This can prove to be quite frustrating especially when if you thought that you had fallen for the perfect man. We try our best to have him notice us but end up realizing late that he is not the kind of man that we needed. One characteristic of men who are emotionally unavailable is that they will always be there for games and fun. But the moment you to change the relationship into something serious, he runs away from you. When a man is emotionally unavailable, he will project the opposite of his exact needs. He may be interested in connecting with you but has a past that is held back by some unresolved fears. These can prevent him from being comfortable with intimacy. The good thing is that there are some characteristics that you can watch to know a man who is emotionally unavailable.

Characteristics of emotionally unavailable men

You may be wondering what is it that you need to look out for to know whether a man is emotionally unavailable. Here are some of the signs that you need to be on the lookout for.

1. These men are poor communicators

It can be difficult trying to make an emotionally unavailable man open up. He will rarely share his thoughts with you and will instead choose to keep everything locked.

2. Full of excuses

If you have an emotionally unavailable man, one of his characteristics is that he will let you down no matter how hard you try to change him. He will cancel on a date and give you many excuses. When you tell him to commit, he will also come up with some good excuses Whatever; it is that you need, an emotionally unavailable man will always come up with some good excuses on why he cannot provide it to you.

3. Emotionally unavailable men avoid commitment

When you have an emotionally unavailable man, you can be assured that it will always be a difficult task trying to make him open up and to commit to you. This is because he does not like anything to do with long-term plans. Another pattern that you will have to deal with is that he will also avoid any discussions that will touch on the future, no matter how good your relationship with him will be.

4. Talks big

One of the things that you will have to deal with when dating an emotionally unavailable man is that he will always be talking big. These kinds of men will regularly talk about themselves and their big plans. However, it is important to realize that this doesn’t mean they are proud of their achievements. There isn’t anything wrong with being proud of what they have achieved. When a man is emotionally unavailable, they will constantly brag about themselves and their material things. They will talk about the money they have, the influential people they interact with and the high amount they spent on gadgets. When you do a critical analysis of these big talks, you will realize that they do not mean anything. The goal of these men is only to elevate their status in the eyes of the people they interact with. When you find that the dude you are dating has a big ego and tries to get favor by bragging, this is a sign that they are fighting low self-esteem and may be lacking in emotional health.

5. Empty promises

On top of talking big, another characteristic of the emotionally unavailable men is that they will give a lot of empty promises when they open up. They will never follow-up on any of their promises. For instance, they will talk about an investment decision. However, when it gets to the actual planning, they will not be available. They will also promise to be in that family event but cancel at the last minute.

6. Thirsty for attention

If you are dealing with a man who is emotionally unavailable, one characteristic that you will realize is that they are always thirsty for attention. These dudes don’t take a back seat to allow someone else to bask in the limelight. The reason for this is that they have a big ego which prevents them from being modest even if it is just for a short time. There isn’t anything wrong with being confident and opening up at a social event. Besides, a man who is a guru in socializing will be able to get along well with people from different walks of life. The key thing is to differentiate between an attention thirsty man and a social guru. When you find a man who has this characteristic of being an attention seeker, there are high chances that there is something they are trying to compensate for. These kinds of people tend to show a lot of narcissism, arrogance, jealousy and low self-esteem. The reason why this is the bad thing is that when a man is not happy and comfortable with himself and is always seeking for validation from other people, you can always be assured that he will not be happy with you too.

7. Emotionally unavailable men have shady history

When a man is emotionally unavailable, you may find that you will have so many questions about his past. The only reason why he behaves the way he does is that of his previous patterns of bad experiences. After a few weeks of dating the man, you will see all the patterns of a man who has a shady history. A good way of getting these details is by checking on his details of past relationships.

8. Vague attitude

An evasive attitude is another sign that you are dating a man who is emotionally unavailable. He will sound very vague when you try to discuss with him his goals, thoughts, and feelings. Each time you try to make him open up, he tries as much as possible to sidestep them. He may even take the conversation in another direction that you hadn’t anticipated. However, you don’t have to conclude that he is emotionally unavailable if he doesn’t open up on every of your little concern, particularly if you are still in the early days of the relationship. Most guys will require time before they can agree to share their intimate details with you. However, when you realize that a lot of time is passing and nothing changes, this will be a sign that you will have a problem at hand.

9. Focuses on sex

If a guy’s interest is a long-term and stable relationship, sex will never be his first priority. An emotionally unavailable man will use sex in different ways to assert his authority. He may opt to withhold sex. Alternatively, he may give you the sex you need but avoid committing in any other way.

10. He is never guilty

No matter what he does, an emotionally unavailable man will never be guilt for any sins. Because he is insecure and afraid of intimacy, he will pretend to be blameless no matter what he does.

11. He wants sex fast

The moment you meet a dude who wants sex on the first date, it is a clear sign that he is a seducer who is just interested in another girl to conquer. It may also be that is the man becomes over-focused on sex; it is just because they have nothing else to offer. The moment they sleep with you, they will run away.

12. Emotionally unavailable men are real charmer

Be on the lookout for those dudes who are quick to compliment and flatter you even when they don’t know you well. When you find dudes who are fast to charm you rather than just being charming, you will realize that what they are doing is a well-rehearsed act. Their goal is to achieve intimacy in the short term as they appear revealing, open and vulnerable.

13. They complain about their past relationship

When you bring up the topic of their past relationships, these dudes will be ready to open up and talk ill of their partners. They will never accept that they broke with their partners because of their relationship problems. If they had an unsuccessful partnership, it was because of that bad partner. It will never be about them.

14. Will not pass the intimacy test

If you probe an emotionally unavailable man, you will realize that their past relationship failed because the dude didn’t develop intimacy towards their partners. This should be a source of concern for you as you will also be denied of any form of intimacy.

15. They confess their lack of commitment

Once you start dating an emotionally unavailable man, one thing that you will realize is that they will make statements that indicate a lack of commitment to the relationship. For instance, the dude will confess that he is not very good in relationships. He may also tell you that he is not ready to settle down. This is one area that he will be speaking the truth about. Once you hear that, you will need to believe him because this may be the only time you will hear him speak the truth.

16. They treat others badly

This is another characteristic that you will need to watch out to find out if your man is emotionally unavailable; watch how he treats other people in public. Do they show contempt for others or do they treat them with kindness? When you find that the guy is rude to a cab driver or waiter, this is an indication that you are dealing with a guy who is emotionally unavailable. This shows that they are harboring pent-up anger especially if these habits become a pattern. If the man is emotionally demanding and abusive, this is a sign that they could one day shift their anger towards you.

17. Perfectionist

Guys who are emotionally unavailable are usually perfectionist in nature and will look for the character defects and fatal flaws that will provide them with an opportunity to get out of a relationship. The truth of the matter is that they are being debilitated by a sense of self-criticism and are afraid of getting rejected. These dudes are afraid of intimacy, and this provides them with a good reason for getting out of any relationship.

18. Showing signs of self-centeredness

If you find that a dude operates as if a relationship revolves around them, it is a clear sign that the guy will be in control of your relationship with him. The dude will at no particular time change their routine and plans for the sake of you and the relationship. This is one of the signs that you are dealing with a person who has commitment phobia. These guys are usually inflexible, and they don’t like anything that requires them to change or compromise.

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19. Behave in an elusive way

If you check the behavior patterns of an emotionally unavailable man, you will realize that they will only be available when it looks convenient. When you request them to spend more time with you, they will give excuses on how tired they are. Even after you go out with them on an intimate getaway, they can disappear without any explanation to you and without contacting you. They will tell you in one moment that they love you, but their behaviors will be opposite in another moment.

20. Fails to contact you

Probably you find that it takes days before you can hear from him. Even when you are already in a serious relationship, you will definitely want to get in touch regularly. If your man says that he needs his space and fails to connect with you through phone or text, it is an indication that you are dating an emotionally unavailable man.

21. He can’t leave anything at your place

The only reason why a man will leave his items in your place is because he is committed to you. Likewise, when a man is committed to you, he will not mind giving you a drawer at his place.

22. Goes for vacation without you

Vacations are a great place for having fun and building on your closeness. When a man doesn’t want too much of you, he will avoid taking you for a vacation.

23. He is mean with you

When a man is emotionally unavailable, he will spend all his money on himself while at the same time being generous with other people. But the moment you are with him, he starts to make comments on how he is not ready to spend much money. He will always be very mean to you.

24. Doesn’t want physical closeness

When a man is emotionally unavailable, he will avoid holding your hand at all costs. Your circle of friends will think that the two of you are just friends. This is because they will never see any affection between you and him. When walking with him, he even leaves you behind and walks ahead. The only reason why he does this is because he is uncomfortable when you are with him.

25. Focuses on non issue

When a man isn’t emotionally available, he will focus on things like the way you dress and talk. He will criticize you for things that don’t matter, and you will never feel as if he accepts you. The only reason why he nitpicks is because he wants to diminish the romantic feelings that he has towards you.

26. You never knows his stands

There are times that he will get intimate with you. But after this, he will withdraw for several days. You will feel as if you are dating a different man from the one you met on the first day.

27. He will never say he loves you

Unless you first say that you love him, you will never hear him tell you that. In case you have dated a guy for several years, and you have never heard him say those words, he will not start saying them to you in future.

28. He makes you anxious

It could be that you are the confident type. You are also happy, and you may even have that positive attitude. However, when dealing with a man, you overanalyze, and you spend a lot of time thinking about your relationship with him. You constantly send screenshots to your friends to find out what his texts mean. In case you are now experiencing more anxiety than when you were single, it is an indication that you are dating a man who is emotionally unavailable.

Our final thoughts

The unfortunate thing is that there are so many men out there who are emotionally unavailable. It can be difficult to remove them from the huge number of bachelors, and your best bet will be in doing trial and error. If you are among the unlucky lot, you will end up snapping one of the men who are emotionally unavailable. The good news is that there are early warning characteristics that you can be on the lookout for. When you notice these early signs, it will be possible for you to avoid the drama and heartache that comes with dating these kinds of men who are emotionally unavailable. Unless you don’t mind getting heartbroken, it is important to avoid turning a blind eye to these signs. When you find that the person you are dating shows a pattern of one or more of these characteristics, you should not bother to try and change them. All you need to know is that this is not the right person for you. This way, you will be able to save yourself from a lot of disappointment. It will also be possible for you to meet someone else who you can get into a healthy relationship with.

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