The Subtle Difference Between Being In Love And Loving Someone

Fewer questions have posed more difficult to proffer a definite answer to than the question of what love is. Although the word itself is popular, it is by no means easy to define. If you say it is a feeling, you are right. If you say it is a decision, you are equally right. In fact, if you are in the camp of individuals like Michael Jackson who say love is magical, you would not be wrong. The issue with many of the definitions or opinions about this subject is that it is more than the way it is being portrayed. It's like defining a whole country by just a few persons in it. Love is not a subject that can be described in just a few words because it is broad in its scope. It has many types and depending on the type you have in mind when trying to define it, your opinion may just be different from that of another person. For instance, while it is true that when you love someone you get a kind of fierce, consuming and passionate feeling about him/her, it is not true that everything about love ends with feelings. Love can also be a choice. It is within the capacity of everyone to choose to love. Well, if you want to jump up in ecstasy and say "I've got it! Love is a decision." Wait a minute, what about the many undeniable instances of genuine love beginning as a strange, mystical feeling of attraction? You must have heard of individuals whose love relationship began as a result of a special attraction they both had for each other. Let's leave that and consider our individual experiences of love and see how it affects our perception of it. If you have suffered heartbreak severally, you are likely going to see love as a myth. It's like the proverbial saying that "When all you've got is a hammer, every challenge looks like a nail." However, for a someone whose experience with love has been positive and great, love is the best thing to ever happen to any human. Notwithstanding the delicacy in words to define this subject, we can always know what it is by considering its characteristics. Everyone would agree love is kind, generous, affectionate, selfless, humble, and loyal. If these alone are the things you hold true as being the meaning of love, you've done well. Another way to get the meaning of love is to study what it is not. Love is not proud, envious, retaliatory, selfish, moody or scared by life challenges. Again, if this is all you hold on to as being your understanding of love, you've also done well.

If you have no experience on the subject of love or you have a disgruntled perception of it, you may think to be in love with someone and to love them are the same thing. Of course, there are inseparable similarities between the two concepts but they are certainly not the same. For instance, whether you are in love with someone or you simply love them, it is not impossible that you'll feel great and passionate about the individual. Both scenarios can make you go out of your way to do things you would ordinarily not have done. However, that does not mean they are ultimately the same. Here are a few points to tell the difference between being in love and loving someone.

Your head, of course, contains your brain. And your brain is where you reason and make decisions. Your heart is the seat of your emotion. Perhaps the reason the heart is normally used to depict love is that someone felt love is just an emotional thing. When you, therefore, hear of a broken heart, it's usually a reference to a battered emotion. So, in loving a person, both your head and heart are involved. As much as you feel the emotional thing, you are also in control of yourself. You are not blinded to your partner's faults even though you may not be critical of them. You aren't going to do some crazy things or take some dumb decisions claiming you are acting in love. Conversely, if you are just in love with someone, you are mainly controlled by your heart. It doesn't matter if the person you are in love with is a drug or alcohol addict, so long your heart picks up on them, you are blinded to their faults. Simply put, when you are in love with someone, you tend to ignore the realities of life.

You are in love when you can't explain it. It just happens and you are stuck in it. It is not a feeling you can make a decision to walk out of. You act like an addict and will have to enjoy or endure it while it lasts. However, to love a person, it would require some conscious decisions on your part. You will have to close your eyes to their weaknesses and concentrate more on their strengths. If you like, you can choose not to love that person again later. It is not something you cannot explain or that comes to you suddenly, you are in full control of it.

Each time you dwell on how what your partner does to you makes you feel, it is the "in love" phenomenon holding sway. You are always thinking about yourself and what you stand to gain or lose when you are in love. In other words, you are self-absorbed or self-possessed. But for you to truly love someone or better still, if you claim to love someone, you lose sight of self. You are always concerned about what you can give and not necessarily what you can get. What the person you love is giving back in response to the love you are displaying to them does not necessarily determine the zeal and fervency with which you pursue their welfare. Your primary preoccupation when you love someone is always how to please the person and not how that person will please you.

It is next to impossible to love more than one person at a time. And when we talk of love here, we mean in the context of a relationship between a guy and a girl. It is usually exclusive. When you love someone, you don't want to be with another person. You can't even imagine someone else sharing your affection with you except them. Your heart and head are open to them and shut to others. However, being in love is different in that you probably didn't choose to. And as a result, you may find yourself caught up in an emotional struggle with more than one person at a time. Each of those individuals you are in love with looks cool and okay and you are confused which to follow.

The reason for this durational difference is the motive behind the two concepts. Feelings, whether of love or otherwise, are usually temporal and unstable. Or who hasn't felt great and excited at some points about something or someone before only to later discover that that feeling is no longer there? Our feelings can be deceptive and some of the things we often feel are great most times, compares to nothing when our eyes are open and we see things the way they really are. However, when you have made a decision to love someone, whether you feel great about them or not wouldn't matter much. In fact, you were probably not attracted to them in the first place based on feelings. You probably saw the qualities you were looking for in them and that perhaps, was why you settled for them. So, in any case, whether the in love feeling is forthcoming or not, you'll still hold on to such person because you have decided for them. This is why loving someone lasts longer than being in love with them.

Are you in doubt as to whether you love the person you are currently in a relationship with or you are just in love with him or her? Check yourself for the following signs. The in love signs are usually terrific, unstable and make you behave like an addict. Here are they  Today you are in love with him or her, tomorrow you are out of love. This cycle can go on for as many times as possible.  If he or she behaves well, looks well, has enough cash, cares for you greatly, you love the person greatly. If by tomorrow those things are no longer there, your love for him or her starts diminishing.  You give so little to your relationship and it appears you have given the entire world.  Anytime you are with him or her, you are filled with terrific emotion and can hardly control yourself.  You are scared you may lose him or her soon despite the fact you both have been together for long.  You are scared of even a momentary separation between you both.  You can do anything for your partner whether it makes sense or not. In short, you've become a love addict.

Being in love is a good thing but making a conscious decision to love is better. You will not always be in love but you can always choose to love. When you choose to love, you are yourself, meaning you are in control of your feeling and not the other way round. You are not scared of separation nor do you engage in any crazy act all in the name of love. You are simply balanced. Understanding the meaning of these two concepts is therefore essential so you don't get drowned with the in love thing. If you are in doubt as to where you stand, check for the signs earlier given. You definitely need the feelings that come with being in love in your relationship else it may just be formal and boring. However, it is not the feelings that would keep your relationship going. In most cases, it is your decision.