You don't have to suffer and 'stop living' because of a breakup, you cope with it and move on
Breaking up is a process that is a result of a malfunctioning relationship. Feelings of love have to maintain their continuity and reciprocity of feelings in order for you to function and get along as a couple in a healthy relationship. Certain things and situations can happen that aren't entirely the result of your choices. You must prepare yourself to handle it. Don't let a break up fill you with destructive feelings. More to the point, you might end up denying yourself the chance to experience feelings of love with someone else who may come into your life. However, it is interesting how there are two aspects of love that are very different from each other. First, it comes in a natural way, meaning you didn't expect it to happen and you just went with the flow. Secondly, it could end up exactly how you expected it to go.
1. Accept your situation, cope with your breakup
Acceptance is the key. Accepting a break up with a person who you were emotionally connected to is hard. Unfortunately, it's a gradual process for most people. If you’re one of them, it’s best to start your healing by fully understanding how and why it happened! You can think of positive things about your relationship but concentrate on what didn’t work. Why weren’t you meant to be together?! Remember all the things that went wrong during your relationship which eventually made you break up. You will be ready to leave that phase of your life in the past, and look ahead to your future. Although in theory this sounds easy to do, it will actually be hard. It will take time to heal your wounds. So during this time you should completely focus on yourself! Be your best possible self, see things positively, and be optimistic. It will surely get much more easier. If you handle yourself well, it will get to the point that for you that the relationship will remain in the past as a simple memory.
2. Reflect on your relationship and the real cause of your breakup
Whether it was a ‘happy ending’ (meaning you both agreed to break up) or not, some feelings for that person will remain within you until you heal completely. Reflecting will help you move on from these residual feelings of love faster. You will find your inner peace and cope with it easier, while thinking in a more positive way. For example, think of your differences with her or him on important things such as politics or ethics. You will probably understand that at some point you had these differences, problems, or misunderstandings that wouldn't let your relationship last long. Sooner or later, these things would have driven you to big conflicts, resulting in a break up. Reflect on your current situation carefully. Soon you will understand for you’re suffering for so little and how important is to look at the positive side of it. Someday you will meet your soulmate: the one with whom these problems will no longer exist!
3. Talk about it and cope with the help of a friend
Talk about your finished relationship with someone that is special to you. For example, a good friend or a family member. It must be someone that you feel comfortable crying to. It's OK to cry! It may act as a pain reliever. First of all, it will be easier to handle it because it will make you release most, if not all, of the anger, frustration, and sadness that you feel! You will also have an opportunity to receive advice from your good friend. Since you may feel down and be less concentrated, your head may be not as clear as usual. A little perspective from an outsider will help you regain your focus. Even some simple little advice or encouragement from your friend will help you clear your mind. You can discuss the good and bad of your relationship while you were together. You will understand that your break up was based on signs throughout your relationship. But, either you didn't notice these signs or you didn’t want to accept it.
4. If you feel rejected...
In case you experienced frustrating feelings, were mistreated and didn't receive that much love from your ex...you should not let yourself be in pain and cry it over for the next few weeks and months. Even if you madly loved that person, there's no point! It’s all about giving and receiving from both sides in order to function and have a healthy relationship. You will heal with time, even if this may seem to be the hardest thing to do. If a person finds confidence in their self, believes in openness of feeling, they usually suffer less from the break up. It gets to the point that handling and reflecting on what caused the breakup is easier, making coping with it faster.
5. Don't blame yourself for your breakup
You can handle it! Whatever the reason may be, you should never blame yourself to the point that you throw yourself into deep suffering or mourning. You should not blame yourself for the fact that your relationship is over, even for the possible mistakes that you may have made in your relationship - because nobody is perfect! Maybe he or she had not made the effort to try to overcome your challenges or problems that you had as a couple. This happened because there was clearly not enough love and compatibility in your relationship. Simply, it wasn’t meant to be! Keep in mind always that some things may happen out of your control and don’t determine what kind of person you are.
6. Take care of yourself and cope with it
You may feel sick and not in the mood to do anything besides staying in your bed all day, emotionally eating or otherwise ‘dieting’. You have to understand how harmful is that in many ways, from mentally to physically neglecting yourself. You don’t have to punish or mistreat yourself! The only thing you’re doing is entering into a deep black hole. Instead you can light up your life again with all the positive things around you. It’s not the end of the world! There are so many things to enjoy in your life and you have to remind yourself about these beautiful things that surround you. You will see that you have much more reasons to get up from that bed than mourn a break up for the rest of your life. You have to value yourself and get back your self-esteem.
7. Go out and prioritize your social life
Going out with friends, visiting your family, or just a short trip out of town will help you in so many ways. When experiencing a bad thing even a simple walk can help relax your mind. Interact with your loved ones, talk, and share moments together! It will keep your mind off your ex for a while. Besides your routine of work, probably one of the best things to do are the things you like: your hobbies and passions. Do what makes you happiest! It will definitely cheer you up and make the process of breakup easier to handle. You should not let a break up define your life, your way of thinking, or put you in depression and deep grief. So it’s best to set up some new life adventures and experiences. You will feel refreshed and will be done with coping sooner, allowing you to heal completely from the break up.
8. Avoid contact with your ex
After you have broken up, avoid the situations and places where your ex may be present. It is crucial and a huge factor in your healing process. For a while, it is also best to distance yourself from mutual friends. Even if you say to yourself that your relationship is over, whether there is love left or not... while seeing him or her your heart will probably recall even the smallest feeling of your shared past. It's normal! Because just a short time ago you were emotionally and physically attached. It’s understandable if you find yourself wanting to stay in touch with your ex. If you’re in the first phase of the break up, you will sometimes miss him or her. So, it's best to avoid any contact. Time will pass and heal all your wounds, and your future meetings with your ex will eventually just remind you of some good or bad memories.
9. Don't stay friends after your breakup
Huge mistake! If you consider being friends with your ex right after your break up, believe me, it’s not going to work! It will make coping with your feelings much harder. Going from being a love couple into friends will be a NIGHTMARE! At a certain time, you may feel that you are strong enough and ready to be around with her or him as friends. Don't fall for that! It will for sure remind you of your experiences together as a couple or recall leftover feelings or physical attraction. It would make your healing process last for so long and become nearly impossible to deal with it. So, letting your ex still be a part of your life as a friend will mess up your mind, especially if you were very close to each other. For both of you, the healthiest thing to do would be to stay apart and have no contact with each other for a while. You may consider being friends only after you have gotten through your healing process successfully. for example, when you have reached the point that you're both happy and in love with other people. Then, it can somehow work, even though there are more cases that exes stay just exes!
10. Don’t lose faith in people or relationships
Since you may be feeling sad and disappointed after your breakup, you probably might assume that all men or women are bad. That being in a relationship will forever leave you hurt and disappointed in the end. But this is not true at all! People are different, so relationships will always be different too! If you experienced a bad one because he or she simply was not your soulmate, for sure you will find your true love in the future. That’s why you have to meet new people, and have new experiences so you will increase the chance to meet your best match in the near future and have a great and lasting relationship together.