8 Helpful Tips On How To Get Over A Heartbreak

Unless you’ve never been in love or dated anyone, you’ve felt heartbreak or made someone else feel heartbreak. If not, you’re one of the 1% that is still dating or married to their first love.

You’ve been there. “It’s me, not you.” That is B.S. If it wasn’t you, then why would he break up with you? “We should date other people.” Who’s this “we”? Anyway, you didn’t want to date anyone else. “I just need some time to find myself.” No, he wants to “find” that other girl that just started working in his office last week. “I hate you and you’re crazy.” Well, this one is a little clearer. Maybe, you shouldn’t have called him 25 times when he was out with his friends, read all his text messages, or made a fake Facebook account to try and prove he’s a player. If you trust him that little, you should have dumped him in the first place.

What about the guys? You’ve been dumped by your girlfriends as well. What’re the reasons they gave? “You’re not emotionally available.” What more did she want from you? How about a real emotional connection versus sex? “I can’t trust you.” If you wouldn’t have been cheating on her, then you wouldn’t have this problem. Drinking too much at a Bachelor Party is not an excuse for hooking up with a stripper.

Heartbreak is the emotional, mental, and physical response to losing your sense of identity, your mate, your partner, and your connection to another person. Humans are hardwired to connect with other people and to find a mate to propagate the species. This hardwiring makes the loss of your significant other devastating as you no longer can do your part of providing progress to society. Different people experience heartbreak in different ways. Some people feel loneliness, depression, and heartbreak throughout the relationship from unmet needs or poor treatment. By the time the relationship is over, they are ready to move on and have already overcome the heartbreak. The heartbreak was endured throughout the negative relationship and the end, they only feel a sense of relief. For others, they feel the following after the relationship was ended by someone else. The heartbreak can be emotional in that the person feels angry, sad, and anxious. The emotions are expressed through crying, pacing, rocking, etc. The heartbreak can be experienced mentally by the person feeling depression, loneliness, and worthlessness. Some people will feel despondent and an intense desire to fix the relationship or jump into another, as fast as possible, to avoid the pain of being alone. Regarding the physical aspects of heartbreak, you can lose your appetite, eat unhealthy foods, and are not motivated for self-care.

What can you do to get over heartbreak? How long will it take? Can you get over, overcome, or conquer heartbreak? Maybe, it is better to look at it as a process to move through rather than get over. The end of a relationship is the death of what was. The grieving process can’t be conquered. However, it can be experienced, processed, and you can come out the other side a more complete person. There are many different strategies that you can take to move through or overcome heartbreak. We are going to explore 8 Helpful Tips to Get Over (moving through) Heartbreak; as fast as possible.

It is important to remember after a breakup that the desire to move on and get into a new relationship can be a normal response. Some people will feel depression and an intense fear of being alone. That time is running out. Don’t go so fast. Resist the desire to jump into a new relationship. This relationship will not be long-lasting. You will not be prepared to wait the necessary time to get to know the person before jumping into a physical relationship. Unfortunately, your level of intimacy in the new relationship will remain the same as the level it was before your first sexual encounter. You want to know more than their name. Take the time to explore your feelings to grieve the end of the relationship. By acknowledging that you are hurt, sad, and lonely, you will be facing your emotions and not throw yourself into distractions. However, it is not recommended that you stay in this portion of the heartbreak phase for months on end while wearing sweats, eating Oreos, and binge watching The Walking Dead. You might be taking it too far by that point.

As you heal from your heartbreak, a great resource for comfort and strength is a support system. Reach out to those who support you. If you lost track of some of those individuals while you were dating your boyfriend, then call your girlfriends up. Don’t feel awkward about how long it’s been since you talked. Your true friends will understand that relationships can distance people and won’t hold a grudge. This strong support system can be a great sounding board in discussing what went wrong. Although they are your support, they will be more neutral than you and can provide you tips on working through your heartbreak, remind you to take care of yourself, and discuss what your ex could have been meaning by things he said and did. Overall, they will be a source of strength to lean on. Additionally, they can talk you out of doing irresponsible actions. For example, talking you out of begging him to take you back, blaming yourself for everything, calling him at 2 o’clock in the morning, or stalking his family to find out what he’s doing.

To progress through a heartbreak, you can’t spend all your time thinking about or keeping track of your ex. In the beginning, you might harbor thoughts of reconciliation. Maybe that is even possible. However, even if reconciliation is possible, it is time for you to take care of yourself and find your own identity. By taking care of yourself, you can become a stronger person and if you happen to get back together, it can be a better relationship. If there is no chance of reconciliation, it is even more important to stop focusing on what he’s doing and not putting all your energy into yourself. If you are spending all your time driving by his house, showing up where he goes, following him on social media, and going to dinner with his family, you will not be able to move past the denial stage. Moreover, you will continually be hurt by the fact that he’s happy or seeing someone else. Don’t be miserable following him around.

An act that can be cleansing is to write a goodbye letter. Some might advocate for a journal, which can be helpful. However, if the focus every day is on what you miss about your ex-boyfriend, how sad and lonely you are, and how you’ll never be whole without him, you are not going to make it through your heartbreak. If you journal, take time and write about what positive things you are doing each day. No matter how minuscule. It will get easier. On the other hand, writing a goodbye letter can be therapeutic. It gives you the opportunity to write down what went right, what went wrong, what you liked about your ex, what you didn’t like, and say goodbye to your past relationship. Once you’re done, don’t keep rewriting it or writing a new version every day. You will get sucked into negativity and make how long it takes to get over your heartbreak that much longer. Write it once and give it a symbolic exit. Burn it. Tear it up. Shred it. Just don’t fold it up and keep it as a memento.

Now is the time to look at what you contributed to the relationship. No relationship can exist without 2 people being involved. He may have always been a cheating kind of guy, but that doesn’t mean you did not have a part in it. Did you know his reputation and think you were the one? Did you think he would change? Did you not know he was cheating? What signs did you miss? Why did he think you would be okay with it? In a non-cheating relationship, there are still actions that you took and/or didn’t take to eventually end the relationship. Consider if you were too pushy, too clingy, not vulnerable enough, not available, not supportive, or you were cheating on your boyfriend. Did you hold on to a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable? Once you’ve identified your actions in the ending of the relationship, take some time and see things from his perspective. What did he frequently accuse you of doing or not doing? How could it have been different? What need is he fulfilling by ending the relationship with you?

After you’ve taken the time to consider your part in the heartbreak as well as considered his viewpoint, it is now time to consider the importance of forgiveness. Until you can forgive your ex for the decision he made to end the relationship and leave you heartbroken, you will not be emotionally available to seek a new relationship. When you carry too much baggage into a new relationship, you set the next relationship up for failure and eventually a new heartbreak. Forgive yourself. You are not unworthy. As hard as it might be to believe in time, the hurt will lessen, and you will be better for a better relationship.

Get out and get busy. Be active. Those endorphins will improve your overall mood and reduce your depression. Yes, you’re depressed, and you want to have your skin meld to the faux leather sofa, but that support system had better not let you. You deserve better than being heartbroken forever, so get up and get busy. Do some cardio, yoga, jog, or run. In addition to physical exercise, get out of the house with your support system and go to the movies or out to eat.

The last tip is to learn a lesson. By breaking up and dealing with the heartbreak, you can identify actions that you did to harm the relationship, ways in which you were not secure enough in yourself as a person, as a girlfriend, and what you would like to do differently in the future. Take time to work on your weaknesses and enhance your strengths. Determine what type of person that you would like to date in the future. Identify what behaviors you won’t accept in a boyfriend and how you will relay those boundaries to have a more rewarding relationship in the future.

Hopefully, these tips will help you overcome your heartbreak as fast as possible, but there is no cookbook on how long it will take. However, don’t jump into a new relationship or sexual encounter to “get over” heartbreak. Your next relationship will fail due to this rash mistake. Take time to feel and address your heartache. Become a stronger person, so that your next relationship is better than the last. The next one could be “the one”.