So, you had a fight...
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You meet the most incredible guy in your life. For the first few months, your date and your relationship couldn't be more romantic. He drives you crazy and turns your stomach into knots each time you talk, and you start imagining what the rest of your life would look like with him. Then it happens. You have a major argument. You are both angry and upset.
Either of you may even threaten to leave the relationship. He walks out the door, and you stand looking off into space trying to figure out anything and everything, praying that he will just walk back to your arms. If you are in a long distance relationship, it can be even worse. You stare at your phone or computer just waiting for a message or text. You wonder whether or not he will ever talk to you again. Don't worry, here are 15 tips that will help you make him miss you like crazy and lure him back into your arms.
Show some strength, and some weakness
When emotions are high, it's easy to run from one end of the emotional balance beam to the other to try and keep some balance. You want to call him, but you want to ignore him. You want to scream at him because you are angry, but you want him to come home so that you can cuddle with him. Don't ignore your feelings - they are real. However, you don't want to act on them just yet. It is okay to show your strength during this tough time and to show your weakness. First, you must decide which is which. Your stubborn attitude may have caused the fight, but your willingness to try apologizing might say a lot. Try to keep things in balance, but show who you are with some rationality.
Tip #1: Take a look within
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One key thing to remember in a relationship fight is that it takes two people to argue. The first thing that you need to do is look within. If all he hears is how this is all his fault (even if it is), then there is no chance that he is going to be missing you. However, if you take a look within, you will see where you COULD have done some wrong. Let him see that you see that. Even in basic anger management, the best thing is to use "I" statements, instead of posting blame. If he sees that you are vulnerable and willing to admit to where you went wrong (even if he is not quite ready to the do the same), you will be on a successful path to making him miss you like crazy.
Tip #2: Apologize but don't grovel
Alright- there is an apology, and then there is just groveling. Don't grovel. Be confident. You can make your amends, but don't weep by his feet swearing you will change. Don't get me wrong, I am not insisting that you be cold about it with a sarcastic "sorry" and walk away. Make it sincere. Apologize for what you have done DURING THE FIGHT (no need to be bringing up every wrong doing that you have ever done at this point). Keep it simple, but make it heartfelt. If he feels your heart, he will miss your love.
Tip #3: Cultivate your confidence
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There is no doubt your mind is driving you crazy. You miss him as much as you want him to miss you. The key at this point is to cultivate your confidence. You might want to ignore him, making him miss you, but don't ignore yourself. Remember, you are an individual who enjoys being with someone. Your relationship doesn't define you. Most men will agree that confidence is one of the sexiest traits a woman can have. When a woman has confidence, it shows. Take this time to cultivate your confidence. Wear the outfits that make you feel good. Dance like no one is watching. Laugh from your belly. You may not feel like it, but if you develop a little more confidence that you COULD live without him and be okay, he is going feel a longing for you. It might even scare him into missing you because he knows there is a chance he could lose you now.
Make him miss you...a little
Now that you have a little more confidence, and realize that it was just a fight, now is the time to approach the idea of making him miss you rationally. However, don't try for too much too soon. Start with the simple things, and don't dive in over your head. What you can do will depend on how much you talk over the first few days. If you are in a long-distance relationship and there is no communication, start with a simple hi to show him that you are thinking about him. If your partner is someone that you see in person on a regular basis, follow the next three tips to help drive him [a little] crazy with want.
Tip #4: Drop a hint
Since you have apologized and things are still not working out, drop a hint that will make him miss you. No need to do something as obvious as sharing a photo of you two on social media with sad faces. This would be the time to test the waters and pick up that tube of lip gloss. This would be the time to see him and be wearing his favorite perfume or sweater. This is the time to ask him how he is doing and if it would be a good time to talk. And, for the long-distance relationship reconnecting again after an argument can bring the relationship back into focus. If that doesn't work and he is still giving you the cold shoulder, try something a little more daring.
Tip #5: Use your senses
We as humans are sensual beings. We experience life by its sights, smells, sounds, feels, and tastes. If you want him to miss you; start using your senses and appealing to his as well. If you have the opportunity to be around him, make the house smell like your favorite meal together. If you are on the phone with him, have your favorite song playing in the background. Tempt him through his senses - he will begin missing the good things about your relationship instead of focusing on the bad which caused the argument.
Tip #6: Don't check your phone...just yet
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So now, you are staring at your phone? Have a lot to say and your fingers are poised above the letters to give him a piece of your mind? Stop. You don't want to pick up your phone just yet. Why do you ask? You are still thinking with the emotional self, not the rational. Right now anything can come flying off your mind - whatever you are feeling is what you are going to say, and chances are, much of it you are going to regret. Instead of driving him crazy with missing you, he may just end up thinking you are crazy.
That isn't what we are going for here. Give yourself a few days to pick up the phone, unless it is something really important; (I mean, do you really need to pick up that tube of lip gloss you left over there today)? Not only will space be good for you, giving you a chance to clear your head, but he will also begin missing you because he isn't getting his normal good morning and good night texts.
If he doesn't take the bait...make him miss you more
Now, I am sure the stress is starting to kick in. You have been trying to do all that you can to make him miss you, but he still isn't calling and begging for your forgiveness. As for a long-distance relationship, give them time to think before bombarding them with calls - emotions take time to recenter and come back into balance - to accept the call or text. Don't freak out yet. The point was to make yourself healthy first, both emotionally and mentally. Now it is time to rev up your engine and put a little more fuel into your heartfelt mission.
Tip #7: Use your resources
Do you have friends in common? Do you have common places that you love to go? Pull out your arsenal of resources that can help you stimulate the feeling of missing you, and don't be shy. At this point, it has been long enough after your fight to employ such tactics. Don't overdo it and look obsessive, but use whatever resources that you have to make him think of the things that he loves about you. Fights are just fights - they pass over time. This is the time to strike with the force that he fell in love with. If you are willing to fight for him, and he can see that, you may have a stronger chance.
Tip #8: Space isn't a bad thing...neither is silence
A fight is a hard thing to overcome because there is such a delicate collection of emotions in the mix. If you want him to miss you a little bit, after your fight don't talk to him as much personally, let your resources speak for themselves. You don't want to ignore him completely, but a little silence goes a long way. He will miss the sound of your voice after a while. Space is another way to accomplish that feeling of longing. When you aren't around him, looming over him, and giving him the space that he needs to remove his head out of his butt, you will give him the fuel he needs to start missing you like crazy. Sooner or later, with a little bit of intentional space, he will soon realize that it was just a fight and that things will get better. Space and a little silence will go a long way.
Tip #9: Use jealousy...but sparingly
This is a tricky one. Jealousy can spur him missing you, but it can also potentially end the relationship. Depending on how daring you are after your fight, and how long time has passed, using a little jealousy to motivate him will kick it into a higher gear. It could be as simple as going out for coffee with a friend (even of the same gender) to a place you know he likes to visit or post a pic on social media. Don't rub it in his face endlessly, but subtly showing that life is moving on without him may be just what it takes for him to realize what he has lost.
Don't jump...just tiptoe
This is where I add my disclaimer- don't be obsessive. Take your time to drop subtle hints and add a little more vigor if the above tips are not working for you. However, just tiptoe in. After your fight, don't head to the coffee shop with his best friend five minutes later. Also, don't show up everywhere he is at, making it seem like you are stalking him. The goal is to make him miss you- not for him to think you are crazy.
Tip #10: Be kind but don't suck up
Do you know that he has to get to work and that he was reliant on you giving him a ride? Is he broke and you have a meal you can share? These seem like corny excuses to see him, and they are, but being kind can go a long way. Drop the blame game and just offer to help so that you can try and break the ice. However, remember, both of you are responsible for the fight so don't give up your confidence. Don't suck up. Don't wash his feet. Don't do anything for him that you know that he can do for himself. But be kind. Respect goes a long way, and it will trigger him to miss you and all the things that you have done for him in the past after your fight.
Tip #11: Now is the time to express your feelings
Alright. Do it. Pick up your phone and text him; especially if you are in a long-distance relationship. Express how you feel. Express that you miss him and you want to work things out. If he has completely given you the silent treatment since your fight and is not taking any of your bait, it is time just to give in and let him know how you feel. If it has been over a week since your fight, text him and ask him where you stand. Don't push him for a response, and don't be upset if he doesn't respond with what you expect him to. Keep it short - and clarify your intentions.
Tip #12: Schmooze him with the things he loves about you
If he responds to your texts, and you have an opportunity to talk to him in person or on the phone, schmooze him with the things that he loves about you. Great sense of humor? Make him laugh a little. Romantic? Reminisce with him about all the things that you have done together that are great memories. This is the time that you get him. If you don't get this chance, remember, you built up your confidence so that you could get through it if it doesn't work.
Mending fences after a fight
It worked. You forgave him and he forgave you. So that's it, right? Wrong.
Tip #13: Take notes
Take notes on the things that he loves about you from here on out. Consider this your arsenal. Be mindful of the things that he says that he loves, or times that you spend together that he really enjoys. Also, because you have had some time for self-reflection, store up your confidence and realize that fights will happen and you don't have to sink to the level you did before.
Tip #14: Be aware
If you end up fighting more and more, be aware. You will eventually run out of ways to make him miss you after a fight. Don't hang onto a relationship that is making you miserable and that you always feel like you are fighting for. Be aware of how he responds to you in person or by text. Figure out what triggers a fight between the two of you. If you can't solve it before it starts, and it keeps on happening, chances are things aren't going to work out too well for either of you.
Tip #15: Revel in the romance
Just as you want to take in all of the things that you adore about your mate, make sure that you make him aware of what he loves about you by showing him as often as you can. No, you shouldn't completely conform yourself to his liking, but you can certainly make an effort to wear his favorite perfume or to cook his favorite meals. Now that you have mended the fences, the goal is to continue creating memories and revel in the romance so that the next time you argue, you have more than you can remind him off to make him miss you. If you are in a long distance relationship, it may be a little more difficult, but save and savor everything you can while continuously learning about your mate.
Having arguments is a natural part of a relationship, but they can certainly hurt. Especially with the devastating thoughts that each argument could lead to the end all be all of your courtship. The trick is to be cognitive of the things that will make him miss you - all of the things that he loves on a day-to-day basis. By using some of the tips above, you may have a greater chance of success in rekindling, forgiving, and moving on- while at the same time driving his mind crazy with all the things that remind him of how much he loves you.