Top 20 Things To Consider Before Dating Someone With Kids
Dating someone with kids can be overwhelming. But if you take these 20 things into consideration, this can be more fulfilling than you expected.
Jul 24, 2018
Dating someone with kids
Picture this: you meet a person who mesmerizes you and seems like your perfect match such that you forget the rest of the single people in your world. However, you come to learn that this guy has only one baggage- kids. That is when you realize it is not going to be easy. Meeting a new man opens our eyes and heart in ways you never thought of. You cannot know what is in store for you when you start dating someone with kids. Perhaps it would be the best relationship you could ever get into, so there is no need to be scared. It’s about taking chances just like in any other aspect of life: if you don’t try something, you wouldn’t know what lies beyond. There are going to be pros and cons.
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The moment you start dating guys, you will have to forego some things like sleeping over and making last-minute date plans. Kids are very demanding and will definitely affect your love life. In this type of relationship, your feelings for one another are not all that matters because other individuals are involved i.e. the children and most likely the ex-lover. Nevertheless, these obstacles must not make you give up on dating someone with kids. Check out some factors that will help you navigate the situation.
1. Expect both sides of the coin
If a single dad is the lover of your choice, expect both pros and cons in the relationship. The pros of dating a single dad include: 1) He understands what true love is and will take things slow before getting intimate with you. 2) Since he is mature enough, he knows that he is not the center of attention. 3) You are privileged to have a responsible man. 4) You will get a chance to see his positive side. 5) Single dads have excellent listening skills. 6) His game is for keeps. Here are the cons of dating guys with children- 1) Do not expect to be the center of his universe. 2) You cannot make love anywhere in his house when kids are around. 3) You will feel jealous whenever he visits the ex-wife. 4) His kids might be nor accept you especially the older ones. 5) Lack of quality time together.
2. At some point, you will wonder if he really is into you
It is not easy to know the plans he has in store for you when he spends his days navigating through kids, ex-wife, and his job. He is caught up in a world that demands too much of him that sometimes he neglects you. Unless he is a very honest and frank person, you will be left wondering what you mean to him. You should understand that men naturally have a problem dealing with multiple tasks and so you have to be patient as he tackles one challenge at a time.
3. Someone with kids has little or no money to spend on you
This is a very important consideration if you are an extravagant woman who likes men who give out huge finances. If you are a heavy spender, someone who already has kids might not be a good date for you. Having children to take care of is a huge responsibility that consumes money. As a matter of fact, do not be surprised if he asks you for money sometimes. If at all he is a responsible dad, he will give his children the very best whether they live with him or their mother. And that’s why he might not have enough money to take you to the most extravagant spa in the city or buy you an exclusive gift. If you are an understanding lady, consider cheaper dating activities like hiking or free concerts.
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4. Get ready to play the role of a mother
Most guys with kids want female partners who can be good mothers. The thought of being a stepmother can get you nervous. You don’t know how the kids will take you- whether they will snob you or expect too much from you. Know that it takes a lot of time and efforts to bond and blend. Isn’t it scary to fall in love with a dad of 3 kids? Two things will be running in your head: will you like them and will they like you back? If you don’t know how to take care of kids, things will become more awkward and challenging, so consider learning how to be a good mom. Older children are especially difficult to deal with as they can be a little hard headed. It is for these reasons you might be a little apprehensive about moving in with a guy with kids.
5. A man with kids will be emotionally distant at times
You must understand that guys with kids endure a lot of difficulties and experiences a lot of mixed feelings from frustrations, loneliness, and anger. Men who have recently been divorced require time to heal and only an understanding woman can cope with someone going through an exhausting legal proceeding. Occasionally, your man will need space to deal with some exhilarating feelings before they meet your emotional needs. So, it’s up to you to weigh the pros and cons and see if you can deal with this guy with fluctuating moods.
6. Flexibility is vital when dating a man with kids
Do not be surprised when he calls to ask if you can pick up his little one from school when he’s stuck in the traffic. This means that your schedule needs to be spontaneous. Be ready to meet him whenever he gets a chance because you never know if he will have another free time. Actually, most of your dates will be canceled and you will be making spontaneous plans. If you are a woman who likes planning ahead of time, things might not work for you because this guy needs someone with a flexible schedule. If only you can embrace moving with the flow and enjoy the new freedom, there is so much to benefit from dating a dad.
7. Get ready to meet their ex someday
Guys with kids have to keep close contact with their ex-lovers or ex-wives. They like venting about the past relationships and this gets boring at some point. If you are dating one of such, try as much as possible not to hate their ex-partners because one day you will have to meet them e.g. during the graduation ceremony of one kid. If you hate his ex-wife, the negative vibes might make you do something bad. You have to understand this: the relationship between him and his ex is none of your concern not unless it affects your relationship directly. If you cannot handle him contacting the ex regularly, perhaps you should move on with your life.
8. You will take the second place if you are dating someone with kids
Believe it or not, guys with kids will always put their children first. So, if you had planned for an afternoon picnic but the school calls for a parents meeting on the same day, your date will be postponed. If you are the kind of woman who takes things personally, this relationship might not work for you. The children need as much attention as you do, but they are more special even though he might not say this to you. Until the children become grown-ups, they will always be his priority.
9. You have no option but to like the kids
You cannot find your way into his heart without liking his kids. It sounds like a baggage but the good thing is that if the children like you too, you will build another meaningful connection and start living like a real family. There is no great gift than a happy family and so you will have to commit to loving those children as if they were yours. But do not expect them to love you more than their real mother but they will appreciate and respect you if you shower them with love and compassion.
10. Find out if you like their parenting approach
Take a good look at how he raises his children. Maybe your ideal parenting methods different from his and this could be a source of conflict. Note that there is a possibility that you will have kids with your potential partner and so you need to take a good look at how he plays his role as a parent. If you are okay with what you see, then it is a sign that he’s the right man for you.
11. Teach yourself how to make good impressions
Men who are willing to introduce their girlfriends to their kids don’t consider those girls as flings but rather as potential spouses. Because you will be offered this privilege, you cannot blow things up by creating bad impressions. You need to be creative and nice if you want to be accepted into the new family. It doesn’t mean however that you have to fake things but just try to be likeable. If you have a problem making new friends, it’s high time you get tips from outgoing people.
12. Be honest when dating someone with kids
Honesty will take you far. Very few relationships involving parents reach maturity as most partners fail to commit fully along the way. If your aim is to have fun with a guy who has children but have no future plans, you might end up hurting him as well as his kids. If that is the case, you should be ruthlessly honest with him so that he doesn’t get too attached to you. You need to be realistic as to whether you want a long-term relationship or a casual one. Note that if you are dealing with a divorced guy, leaving him vulnerable is as painful as the first separation he had from his ex-wife.
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13. Do not try to replace the mother of his kids
It is very tempting to build an instant family once you start dating someone with children. You must not overstep your boundaries as this would be psychologically unhealthy for the children. The older children will be watching you closely and they would probably want their mum respected. A good point is to be a supportive adult and guide them without taking the place of their mother. On the other hand, you will not be asking for the children’s approval of the relationship that you have with their father. For that matter, you don’t have to try so hard. Just be natural and supportive and they will like you. There is one thing you need to realize: his kids fear being abandoned as you start dating their father. Thus, you have to come up with an affirmation that you are not taking him away from them. Consider having a one-on-one talk especially with the older ones and show them how you feel about the family as well as your future expectations. Let them know they are as important to you as their dad and portray a genuine enthusiasm for the children.
14. You will need to demonstrate a lot of commitment
Dating someone with kids is the right step if you are looking forward to having kids in the near future. Accepting him and his package means that you like kids. But if you want to stay childless, just stay away from single men with kids. If you have children of your own, think about how it’s going to be when you bring the two families together. This is quite a task that requires commitment. Remember that if you break up with him, you will be breaking up with the children as well and it is going to affect them even though you are not their mother. In simple terms, dating someone who already has children requires you to be open to a long-term commitment with the new people you’ve met.
15. Don’t expect him to rush things
Dating a child-free man is less complicated than dating a single dad. Things will not be as quick as you expect because he has to consider his children first. Some men have to ask opinion from their older kids concerning new women in their lives. Introducing a new person in the equation is a huge step that takes time. So, it is totally understandable that he will take things slow so as to handle the new challenge more effectively. In addition, children need time before they get accustomed to a new member in their family.
16. Your expectations should be realistic
You might assume that the kids will like you since their dad likes you. This is a wrong assumption and to avoid surprises, you should have realistic expectations. Be open-minded and understand that the children will at some point get jealous of the relationship you have with their father. Some older kids might even attempt to sabotage the relationship when they find out that their dad is focusing more on you. The idea is to find a balance in what you expect and be aware of these things before you dive in.
17. Your love will be shared by more than one person
Agreeing to date a guy with kids is like signing to falling in love with multiple friends. After meeting his little boys and girls, you might fall in love especially if you are programmed to like kids. Maybe they are the exact duplicate of the man you have fallen for and they will steal your heart as well. This can be intimidating because it means more responsibilities and commitment. Exploding with lots of love in a short period of time is a big pro and the best feeling you could ever imagine. The idea of having all these people forever is like the perfect joy.
18. Watch your words around his kids
As mentioned earlier, a relationship with a single father has its pros and cons. When you are around his kids, you will have to careful of everything you say especially about their mother. You cannot be brutally honest even though the guy has made it clear that their mother is a bad person. The last thing you should do is try to turn them against their mother. Your advice and questions must be open-minded and be willing to listen more.
19. Be patient when dating someone with kids
Do not expect a single dad to be excited about an instant relationship. First of all, he has a hard time fulfilling duties as the only parent. You don’t expect him to be all over you every time because they love their kids so much and cannot neglect them. You might even get jealous and if you are the impatient type, you better walk away as this relationship will not be a piece of cake. You need patience when dealing with his kids especially the older ones. But if you take a look on the positive side, having only a little time is romantic as it leaves you both wanting more. Like any other relationship, there will be pros and cons.
20. Expect compromises when dating someone with kids
Even though his children are not yours, you will have to make sacrifices for their own sake. Sometimes you might want your guy to stay late but the children won’t allow. Other times he will be bringing them to your place so that you watch over them, and they will probably leave a mess in your house. You should, therefore, get ready for compromises otherwise dating someone with children will be too much baggage for you.
Do you want to date a divorced guy with kids? Before you start this journey, understand first what you are in for. It is definitely not a walk in the part. You have to look carefully into the pros and cons of dating a man with children. Awkward moments will be there and it takes a special woman to date a man who has kids. The key is getting ready for what lies ahead before you find yourself in a complicated relationship or get hurt. As long as you are prepared, you can take your game to the next level. But if you are not sure, it would be best if you just wait until you figure out exactly what you want.