Is Kissing Someone Else Cheating?

Everyone’s immediate reaction seems to be an instinctive…“No!”, but there is a reason to ask this. It is all very understandable though! Not all relationships work the same way. Everyone is different. This kind of judgement seems easy to make when it isn’t you in a situation. But if it is your life we’re talking about, you know that cheating is a complex subject with moving parts and changing circumstances. One understands that different kinds of relationships operate in a wide variety of ways. It can be challenging where exactly you stand in a relationship and how to know what kind of rules apply to you. So if you want to know when kissing someone else is cheating or adultery and when it isn’t, read along. This is an objective and nonjudgmental guide to kissing and cheating.

This might seem like a no-brainer, right? But it might not be as simple as you think. There are some things to consider. What are the rules in your relationship? For a lot of people, this is a conversation that never actually happens. We work off of a lot of assumptions that may or may not actually be relevant you your present relationship. They may just be the rules that seem to be most accepted by society or modeled off of those around you who are in relationships. They may be the rules of your previous relationship.

What’s important here is that you identify some ground rules in your relationship. It’s an important and an awkward topic to discuss as you progress. So make sure to talk about it! This is a conversation that could save you heartache in the future. If everyone knows the rules, then they can be held accountable for following them. If not, all parties are just guessing which could result in hurt feelings and ended relationships. Nobody wants that if it can be avoided.

Let’s break this down by looking at some different kinds of relationships. Depending on the kind of relationship you are in the answer could be different, or may not be as obvious. It will also depend on how your relationship works. We will go over that, too. All relationships are different and that is important to keep in mind. See where you fit and consider what’s here. Ultimately you are the only one who knows your relationship well enough to know what is considered cheating in your situation. If you are not sure, you should always try to communicate with your partner before assuming. Open and honest communication is the only real way to know for sure what is and is not allowed in your relationship.

What does this mean? You have gone on a date or maybe a couple of dates together, but you are not in a relationship yet. You are maybe even seeing other people as well. Playing the field, so to speak! At this point you have not committed to another person yet. You can generally assume that unless you have had a conversation about exclusivity that you fit in this category. Generally, this is something you would talk about as you move forward in the dating process.

You aren’t together yet so you are not cheating when you kiss someone else. The term cheating assumes that you are with a partner and are committed to the in at least some capacity. When you’re not dating exclusively, do you not have any reason not to kiss other people! Kiss away!

When does dating turn from not exclusive to exclusive? And how is that different from being in a relationship? Well, to be fair the lines are a little blurry, but this would be when you are dating someone and you decide that you are not going to go on dates with other people. He may not be your boyfriend yet, but you are on your way at this point.

So is it ok to kiss someone else? Maybe… but it gets a little tricky here. If you’re dating exclusively, that means this guy is expecting that you are not seeing other people. So if you go on date with someone else and end up kissing them, you’ve broken the exclusivity rule by going on another date. In that case, yes you’ve cheated by kissing someone else.

What if the kissing event takes place outside of a date? Maybe you were at a party and kissed some random person there. Or met up with an ex boyfriend and kissed him. Is that cheating? I would like to think that it’s not. On the other hand, it would be something you would want to share with the person you’re dating. That’s something they would be entitled to know, but ultimately would not be cheating.

This is the more typical kind of relationship. This is where you have one partner and you are generally expected to only engage romantically with that partner. At this point you have committed to each other. So maybe you’re asking, “Is my relationship monogamous?” Generally you don’t have a conversation about being monogamous; it tends to be the expectation unless you decide otherwise. So let’s assume unless you had a distinct conversation to the contrary, your relationship is probably monogamous.

So should you kiss someone else? No. Probably not. In this kind of relationship, you should not be kissing other people. If you do, though, it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is over. This is something you should share with your partner. Coming to them as soon as possible is your best shot at having an open conversation about what happened. It is always best to be open and honest. They may or may not really consider this cheating, or at least not the same as sleeping with someone else. On the other hand it is something that should be talked about.

In an open relationship, you and your partner choose to see other people while remaining in a committed relationship. How do you know if this is your situation? Trust me. You know who are. If you have not had a conversation with your partner about having an open relationship, than you should assume you are in a monogamous relationship. If that’s the case this section does not apply to you. In an open relationship you generally decide on ground rules. (If you haven’t, you absolutely should!) Ultimately these ground rules set the stage for whether or not kissing someone else is cheating in your relationship.

If you have decided together that kissing other people is OK in your relationship, then you are in the clear! Kissing someone else is not cheating in this kind of relationship! Make sure that you listen to your partner about whether they do or do not want to be told about these or other kinds of encounters. Communicating according to the rules you set is the only way open relationships operate well. If you haven’t had a conversation about this, you can do one of two things. If you want to dot your I’s and cross your T’s, you can ask your partner about it. This is ultimately the best way to know for sure what is and isn’t OK in your specific situation. Alternatively, if you are in an open situation where you sleep with other people, it is likely fine for you to kiss other people.

Like we talked about in the relationship sections, it is always important to make sure you communicate with your husband about what is and is not OK in your marriage. Adultery can mean something different in each marriage. Some might consider only sleeping with someone who is not your husband to be adultery. On the other hand your husband could consider kissing someone else to be adultery as well.

Almost always, marriages will not be open. If you are in an open marriage, talk to your husband to be sure that both of you are on board with kissing other people. Also, see the section on open relationships above. If you’re not sure if this is your situation, let’s assume that it is not. A conversation would have precipitated this decision. Everyone else, stay with me here.

In most marriages, you should not kiss anyone who is not your husband. You have committed yourself to your partner and part of that includes not romantically engaging with someone else. Beyond just that, if they consider your kissing adultery, you two cannot just break up like you can in a relationship. Divorce is a long, challenging and expensive process. In a marriage, if you want to kiss people other than your husband, there might be issues that need to be addressed. You are legally bound and resolving issues before either party resorts to adultery.

Hopefully this helped you figure out if kissing someone else is cheating. This is by no means an exhaustive list of every kind of relationship situation. If you still are not sure if kissing someone else is cheating, you will likely be better off not doing it. If you already have, bring this to your partner as soon as possible. This is the best way to have an open and honest conversation about it.

If you think that being able to kiss other people while in a relationship is something you need, be sure to talk with your partner about it. Some people will be OK with this and some will not. Whether they are or are not willing to consider this as an option, you should know that you should always be allowed to ask for what you need in a relationship. On the other hand, you are responsible for following the rules you set together.