The difference between being loved and just being used
They say love is blind. As a result of that, a lot of people always end up being used because they can’t see the signs. Without further ado, here are some of the criteria you can use to know whether he loves you or is just playing with your feelings for his own selfish gain.
1. How long does he take to text/call back?
If you want to know whether he is in love with you or not, always pay attention to how he reacts when you text him. It doesn’t really matter if he went bungee jumping and is scared of heights, once he hears the ringtone that he designated for you, he will without a doubt stop whatever it is that he is doing and call you. If he doesn’t care nor really love you, then he will not bother. He will play games and pretend that he was too busy to pick your call or even pretend that he never even saw the message/missed call. He is just in the relationship to use you, and it might be because of the money, your status or simply because he doesn't love you. In any case, if he isn't really making an effort to reply faster and is coming up with lame excuses, leave.
2. Is bae making any efforts to make you happy?
Let’s face it, if your man is really in love with you, then he will most certainly do anything in his power to make you smile. If he doesn't love you, then he won’t even bother. Whether it involves giving you money, romance or being available and listening to all of your problems. He will even cancel watching a game with his buddies so as to give you a foot massage when you are having your cramps. When you're down with a fever, he will make you soup (or die trying) so that you can feel better. The list of things that your man can do to make you happy is simply endless. But if he just doesn't love you, then he won’t even bother. He will always come up with excuses for not making an effort at all. And more often than not, you will find yourself sad and feeling unwanted, especially in the long run.
3. Is he really comfortable with intimacy?
A man would do anything to be intimate with a woman he really loves, so when you are finally ready to be intimate with your guy and he really is into it, then chances are that he really wants to be with you. But if he doesn't love you, then he might be in it just to use you. Contrary to popular belief, men are quite easy to read and you can tell what they are thinking just from looking at their body language. That said, it wouldn’t hurt for you to pay a little more attention to what your man is doing and, in the end, you will without a doubt benefit a great deal by knowing where you stand. Remember not to overdo it so he doesn't suspect that something is wrong.
4. A man in love will always protect you
When your man doesn’t love you or is just using you, you’ll always know it by noticing how he protects you. If he is not in love, he will always blame you for getting into trouble, or even if he stands up for you, you will never quite get to hear the end of it. To him, protecting you will always feel like a job that he doesn’t have any other option but to do and that will make him complain a lot. But when his heart beats for your love, protecting you automatically becomes his second nature. He will always open doors for you, hold your hand gently as you walk and stand up for you during silly arguments with friends. That said, you should always look out for such tendencies because they go a very long way to show just where you stand with your man. You can never go wrong with this.
5. He communicates often if he really loves you
If he really loves you, he will always communicate. If there is something that bothers him about you, despite how uncomfortable it may seem, he will always find a nice, polite way to tell you. So, you might chew with your mouth open and sometimes launch missiles of half-chewed food particles, but he will simply hold your hand, put a smile on his shrapnel-riddled face and tell you to stop doing that. He will do it playfully and you won’t be offended. However, if he doesn’t love you and is in it just to use you, then he won’t see the need to communicate. As a matter of fact, a man who is there to use you will always use your flaws against you instead of talking to you. And why would he do that? Because he is looking for a reason to end the relationship once and for all.
6. He checks on you if he's really in love with you
This is the same as showing interest. That said, if your man is head over heels in love with you, he is going to use every trick in the book to ensure that the relationships stays that way. For instance, he will make sure that he checks up on you out of the blue, so he might end up calling, texting, faxing, beating a drum or sending a smoke signal and so on to tell you he loves you. OK, you might want to scrap off the last two signals, I just realized I have been spending way too much time with my grandparents.
7. He'll take you out more if he really loves you
Even if money is the issue, your man will stop at nothing in order to take you out on a date. Women don’t have a clue about what men do in order to keep a smile on their faces. Taking you out is a subliminal way of showing the world how much he loves you. So, the more he takes you out, the more he wants to show everybody just how lucky he is. If he is all about himself and doesn’t care, he will never bring up the subject of dates, for reasons best known to himself.
8. It is true love if he is invested in the relationship
Are you the one who is always picking up the bills, buying groceries, cooking, cleaning and picking after your pet? That’s an awful sign because nothing shows disinterest more than not being invested in the relationship. Even when your boyfriend/husband is unemployed, he will always find a way to make up for his lack of financial support. For example, he might clean up the house, pick after the dog and what not. If he doesn’t do that, then it is safe to cut your losses and find someone who is willing to help you out. But if he loves you as stated, he won’t have time to play games because he sees your value, so he will always try to chip in and even give you money in case of emergency. He will always do his part without waiting to be reminded because he's really invested in the relationship.
9. Does he introduce you to people who matter to him?
If he loves you, he will make sure that he introduces you to all of the important people in his life, including his friends, his family and his colleagues, especially in social events and what not. But if he is using you, he will always come up with excuses to avoid having you around his friends. Heck, he might even go ahead and introduce you as his long-lost cousin. And if they ask why they never saw you, he will say that you live in Antarctica or something of that sort. If he does that, don’t stay there because it will never get better. But if the love he has for you is really genuine, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about because you’ll know it for sure, as whenever he introduces you, he will always be very proud.
10. Does he compliments you on a regular basis?
If he loves you, then he will make sure that he is complimenting you without exaggerating things. If you do your nails, wax your legs or change your hair, he will notice. This happens because he really loves you and is paying all the attention in the world to you. If he doesn’t care for you, then you will most certainly do a lot of things and he won’t notice. More often than not, it is because he is busy paying attention to someone else and that is really a bad sign, so it’s time for you to open up to him about it and if he doesn’t change, then it’s time to leave.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of fantastic women who feel trapped because they don’t know where they stand in their relationship due to lack of communication. If you feel like you are in such a position, then the best thing for you to do at that point is to confront your man and ask him directly. Always be honest and tell him how you feel and once you do that, it will be easier to know the truth upon which you will build your relationship and future in general. If you use the above-stated criteria and find out that he truly loves you and is in the relationship for the long haul, good for you. Make sure that you reciprocate and make him feel loved. Showing appreciation to your man is important because let’s face it, there aren’t very many good men left out there. Once again, if you find out that you are just being used as a means to an end, ending the relationship is always the best option, as tough as it might seem. The good thing about getting away from such a relationship is that the only way from the bottom is up. There will always be a man out there who is willing to love you for who you are and will treat you one hundred times better than your former. Take baby steps and allow yourself to grieve because it not only makes you stronger but also reminds you of your worth.