Where Do We Begin?
In order to understand what you have to do to make things right, you have to find it what it was that you were doing wrong. Every relationship has its problems, and most of the times, it is not one person that is at fault. There are many reasons why your relationship with your significant other could be going through a slump, so the solutions to improving your sexual chemistry will come down to what the problem was, to begin with.
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How To Spice Up Your Marriage
The key here is recognizing each problem that you may be experiencing and then dealing with it accordingly. For every problem, there is a solution, and for me to offer a potential solution, we must identify the problem. Should you notice that none of the problems you are experiencing are on the list, don't be worried. I am sure that one of my solutions could best fit bringing you and your significant other back to happy days.
Marriage Requires Honesty
Relationships often falter when dishonesty becomes a problem. One or both parties start to become dishonest with one another, which ultimately creates a wedge between them. The more you ignore this and not put in the appropriate effort into finding a solution, the further away it will push you, and will subsequently cause irreparable damage. When thinking about honesty and how it may have changed over time, just consider when you first started dating, weren't you honest about most things because you genuinely wanted to get to know each other? What has changed now is that you may both think that you absolutely know each other after so much time you have spent together. This is the mistake that most couples make in this day and age. They immediately assume that they know everything about one another because they have been together for so long. This is false because as humans, we constantly change over time. So the man or woman you began dating 10 years ago is now a different mold of that person. So with every day that passes by, you owe it to the one you love and yourself to learn about the person they are becoming. When you find yourself thinking that your partner has changed, consider that this is normal and that you just didn't pay attention to how they were changing or weren't willing to change with them. This doesn't mean that there is no spark anymore; it just means that you need to communicate more and be honest with one another. Tell your partner how you will and what is different for you today than how it was yesterday. Ask your partner to share with you what their new fears and ambitions are. The day you met them and asked the same question will most likely have a different response now, because your partner can change over time, as can you. So before you jump to the conclusion and assume the worst about your partner, consider this; maybe I wasn't close enough to see the changes, or maybe I stopped asking questions about him/her because I thought I knew all there was to know. Be sure that just because you feel like you know someone today, doesn't mean that they will be the same person tomorrow. You have to keep on learning about them and discover their changes as an individual, as well as their changes as your lover. This way, you can change as individuals and as partners, together. This creates an honest and open relationship, which leads to the spark never really dying, because you are both constantly growing, and that will help your relationship grow with it.
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How To Get Honesty to Spice Up Your Marriage?
This is not the easiest, as it requires communication, where things could easily get heated up because it's about sensitive subjects that have led you to this divide. But you have to find your groove again and start breaking down those walls that you have created between yourselves. There's always a way, provided that you are patient enough to get through these difficult times and it will eventually pay off. It's not always fun and games, sometimes we need something different that will provide us with ideas on how to better ourselves as individuals, and subsequently as a couple. At other times, it's best to just talk about random things, and not about your problems. When you think that sex is the answer to getting your vibe back, the best thing you can do is to steer clear of those problems that have created the wedge between you. Focus on things that make you laugh, that make you passionate enough to talk for a while without it becoming a fight. This should be fun, so brush through ideas of things you could do together in the bedroom. This could potentially reignite the spark you need that will get you back in the mood for love-making, which will definitely help with your mood.
Spice Up Your Marriage With More Sex
Most therapists would make the claim that sex is a major component of a healthy relationship. Albeit, at times, it is not the most important thing, but it usually is the only way for two partners to get close enough to become one. This is how love is created, hence the term "love-making". Sometimes though, we forget about our sex lives because of our social obligations, or work, or our children, can occasionally get in the way. But this is causing you to drift further apart. If when you first began dating, you wouldn't even leave the bedroom once or twice a week, and currently you are having sex once or twice a month at best, then that is taking a toll on your relationship. Sex is supposed to be fun, so don't be afraid to get back into those patterns, and make sure to satisfy yourselves sexually. You need to make sexual closeness a priority. There are ways to do this that aren't so difficult, and will definitely cause you to look at one another differently. Not to mention how much your tension will be released after a bit of sexual release.
Spice Up Your Marriage by Going Out
Due to obligations, it can be difficult to find the time or the energy to actually go out and do something fun. But this is something that you and your relationship need. If the only time you spend with your significant other is at home, then you definitely need a change of scenery. If you find yourself constantly arguing at home and going to bed mad, schedule a date night where you can only talk about fun things that make you happy. This will cause you to have a relaxed meal or drink and talk about things that do not make you tense or stressed. You can potentially rekindle that passion that you felt for one another when you first began your relationship. When you wouldn't want to leave the bedroom because you constantly wanted each other! It is important to do this as often as you can because it could reignite the spark you once felt for one another, and will subsequently bring back the erotic urges that you once had. And with all the sexual tension in the air, I would not be surprised if the sex is as good as ever. If you can, even rent a room at a nice hotel and make a night out of it with room service and romantic candlelight. Reimagine yourselves at your honeymoon and forget about work or the kids for a few hours. Switch off your cell phones if there isn't something urgent that will require your attention. Have a few drinks, get yourselves relaxed and try to have the best night of your lives. As time progresses, we occasionally forget that we are important as individuals too. It's not just about obligations, children, work, and the other things. We have to maintain our inner peace and happiness in order for all the other things in our lives to get the best out of us as well. In your relationship, you and your significant other have to be able to enjoy the intimacy of being together at all times and in all areas of your relationship, especially sexually. That is why you choose them to be in your life for now and forever, as you probably said to each other in your wedding vows. There is something you found in each other, and it would be a shame if you didn't strive to better yourselves as individuals, as well as bettering yourselves as a couple.
Get Down and Dirty
Surely you may have had enough with the talking and the arguing. Perhaps the thing you needed was damn right pure, fun, and dirty sexual fantasy. All those ideas you spoke about in the first couple of months that you aren't used to doing in bed but still haven't done; it's that time to do them now. Sometimes your passion for sexual fantasy can reignite that flame that is about to go out. Take your loved one and passionately take them as if you hadn't done before. This isn't about making love, this is about letting all your sexual frustrations out on the person you love, but not as if they were the person you loved. More like having the dreamy sex you had always fantasized about with someone other than your significant other. It is alright if you are imagining someone else sexually in this little adventure, as this is all about letting out that inner beast that had been caged up due to stress. Let it all out right then and there, and I'm certain that you'll see that you could still have fun and get that satisfaction that you had so deeply desired, from the man or woman of your dreams. And luckily for you, that you can find those qualities in your significant other.
Need Some Time Apart
Sometimes we just need time for ourselves. Whilst in a relationship, it is not rare for people to lose themselves in the process. At times, we invest so much time and energy in a relationship that we may find ourselves lost of ideas in the process. We become one with our significant other and forget that we also have our own self to think about. This is why it is important for two people to spend some time on their own as well.
In A Rut - How to Spice Up?
The routine of a relationship can certainly create a wedge between even the most matching of couples out there. Just because you may have found the man or woman of your dreams, doesn't mean you have to forget about the one who actually has or had those dreams; you of course! Don't forget that you have to continue being you with your own ideas, and your significant other has to continue being their adorable self with their crazy ideas. Maintain the fact that you have your own lives as well, and have the opportunity to share it whenever you want to. That is why relationships are so beautiful, as you can take two lives and combine them whenever you find it appropriate to. But at the same time, you can do your own thing. That is perfectly fine because that is the person you were when you both fell in love.
Never Lose Sight of Yourself
You may have had some ideas before you found your significant other, but have given up on those dreams because you believe your significant other is more important. Although this may be true, consider the fact that perhaps you found the person of your dreams because of those ideas that you had as an individual. So giving up on those ideas could essentially change who you were when you met him or her. We all change over time, and even more when we share so much of our time with another person that has their own ideas about life and the world. But you have to find a balance between who you are as an individual, who your significant other is as an individual, and who you both are as a team. If you find the balance between all that and accept each other for who and what you are, no problems should really arise that are so massive that you could not deal with.
Spice Up Your Marriage by Keeping The Passion Alive
We know that sometimes our daily routines take over our lives, and we forget who and what makes us happy. This is wrong. I do understand that we all need jobs and purposes, but never stop doing what makes you happy. If talking to your significant other makes you happy, do that. If going to expensive restaurants makes you happy, then by all means, do that. Never forget about the things that make you happy, because the more you don't do those things, is the more you lose your ability to be happy. And if you aren't happy, then that will surely take a toll on the rest of your life, significant other included. If it always made you happy to sexually please your significant other, then please go ahead and do it. If it made you happy when they used to please you sexually, then tell them. Communication is a way of keeping the passion alive, a little different, but nonetheless important.
Take your loved one by the hand and tell them that it's been a while since we've been away together - away from all the drama, stress, and routine of our daily lives. Let's go to Paris, Havana, Rome, New York City, Miami, Tokyo, or whatever really suits your fancy. There's always one place that every couple wants to go and celebrate their love for one another. If you've been "everywhere", don't be a negative Nancy and find a beautiful place you haven't been to and experience it like it's your second honeymoon - a chance to recreate yourselves sexually and try different things in and out of the bedroom. You need this, and so does your significant other. Take as many days or weeks as you want away from your job, children, or whatever has been bothering you, and make a vacation out of it. This is your chance to reignite the beautiful love you and your significant other share for one another. Take only the clothes that you love to wear or even buy new ones. New lingerie for the women is not a bad idea, in order to feel sexy again. This is for men as well, as they may be used to most of their wife's clothing. Stay in bed making love all day when you're on vacation, drink champagne, eat fruit, spend your days at the spa getting beauty treatments and massages, and I promise you that you will feel more passionate about life again, and hopefully even each other. This is exactly what the doctor ordered, so please go, and have the fun vacation you both deserve and have been longing for.
Take Her Like It's The First Time
You need this as much as she does. The passion occasionally dies because we forget about what got us to this position. Men sometimes forget that once upon a time, the woman they married would turn them on all the time. This may have faded because work got in the way, time got in the way, or the man begins to see his wife as the mother of his unborn or even born children. This is not wrong, but there is a time and a place for everything. She can be the wife you need, the mother of your children that you need, and your friend when you need to talk. But let's not forget what made you two lust for each other and make love like rabbits when you first began engaging in sexual acts. You couldn't keep your hands off each other and perhaps sent a few naughty messages to one another. Where did all that go? Where did the flirting go? Why did you stop smacking her ass as soon as she gets off the couch in a playful yet sexual manner? She liked it back then, what makes you think she wouldn't want it now? Sneak up on her while she's making dinner and start caressing her as you did when you first got together. Don't be afraid to take her right then and there as if no one is around you two, because no one is around you. It should only be about you and her, forget about the world. She's the woman of your dreams and you have her right in front of you. She just wants you to take initiative and take her back to that sexual paradise that you used to live on a daily basis. Go down on her like it's the first time; be as rough as she allows you to be, and how she liked it the first time you did it. Whisper in her ear and make her feel like the sexual being she really is, and make her forget about making dinner or washing the dishes. Make her feel like a woman again, and make her remember how much of a man you can be and give her what she wants.
Give Him The Attention He Deserves
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Sometimes women change sexually once they become wives, as do men when they become husbands. This may be the case in some aspects, but the one aspect it should not change is in the bedroom area. Or wherever else you like to have sex. Certain stereotypes are created about men and women and how they change once they get married. Supposedly, the couple begins caring less and less about their physical appearance; or they have less sex, or even communicate less than they did before. In some cases, the couple even stops certain extracurricular activities that they used to engage with before, during, and even after sex. The oral aspect of sex is also very important for pleasing your significant other, and in some cases is even more important than the traditional sexual tendencies. Certain men and women may have never liked performing such acts, but only did it to please their boyfriends or girlfriends until they got married. After this, they saw it as an unnecessary act, regardless of how their significant others felt about it. They key is to stick to the things that got you to the position you are in right now. If you did it when you weren't married, what is the logic of not doing it now that you are? Just because you've had children together doesn't mean that your significant other doesn't want you to surprise him with a sexual favor at an unexpected moment. Let's say you are watching a movie together, and the kids are sleeping upstairs, perhaps you give him what you have him on your fifth date while watching a film at the movies. Oral sex can significantly change a man's and a woman's attitude towards everything, especially when performed with passion. If more men and women did this for one another, I guarantee you that the entire human race would be at least a tad bit happier. It's a guarantee! So to the ladies that have decided that once they put on the ring, those days are no longer necessary, you are wrong. They are more necessary than ever! Don't be afraid, men and women together, to wake your significant other up with an oral surprise. They will thank you for it, and it could certainly brighten up their day. That is what marriage is all about; trying to make each other happy, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health! It doesn't have to come to sickness to put a smile on your significant other's face.
Never Stop Growing
You both had goals and aspirations before you began dating and subsequently got married. If you gave up on those goals, that may be a mistake. You may want to consider pursuing something of that nature again, in order to find a challenge that will remind yourself and your significant other of who you once were, when you began this journey together. Sometimes we need that reminder of who we fell in love with, in order to remember why and how we know that they were the one for us. Don't forget that we are also growing sexually over time, so don't be afraid to try something different in the bedroom as well.
Don't Be Afraid To Try Again
You may have failed at something in the past that kept you from completing whatever it was that you were trying to do. Don't be afraid to try again, and get past that fear that you had. We grow every day, and more so, when we are with someone. We just have to understand that there's a part of us that still grows on its own. We can't completely dedicate all of our self to the one that we love. There is still a part of us that requires attention in order to maintain the sanity in our mind, the peace in our soul, the blood flowing in our heart. We are individuals before we are couples, and until we realize this, we will never achieve absolute happiness. We will always experience ups and downs until we find the balance. There's a time for achieving individual goals and there's a time for achieving couple goals together. It's amazing what two people who love each other can do together, but what's even more amazing is when one person supports the other while they accomplish it on their own. That is essentially doing it together, but in a healthier manner. It's amazing how much that can boost someone's self-esteem and make them feel special again, but at the same time offers the couple a chance to share that experience and feel positive towards each other again.
One Final Thought
Don't be afraid to share your thoughts with your loved one. You've been graced with the opportunity to share your life and your world with the person of your dreams. What greater thing could there be in this world than that? So feel lucky to have found it, but do whatever it takes to preserve it. This isn't just a relationship. This person that you have married should be your world, your universe, your love. If you can make them smile at any moment of the day, take the opportunity and do it. You will never get this moment again. Time flies, remember? Just think of the first time you laid eyes on him or her. I'm sure you can remember exactly what you were thinking. Remember that first time they smiled at you and you knew, right there and then, that you love them? Those are the moments that take our breath away, and we must try as much as we can to preserve these moments. And, why not? Let's make more of them, at least as many as we can, one day at a time. One moment at a time!