Why Does My Husband Hate Me?
It can be frustrating living with a husband that hates you. You hardly do anything that impresses such a husband. But why does he hates you? Learn why here.
Jul 24, 2018
Before You Conclude Your Husband Hates You
Granted, you are not a kid and you know exactly what you saw that made you think or perhaps conclude that your husband now hates you. But it is always good to re-examine our stand on how we interpret people's attitude towards us before we give them names. Being your husband, one would expect that he had a certain degree of love and respect for you before exchanging the marital vow with you. To now conclude that such a man who out of the multitude of women available picked you as his better half hates you is a serious and difficult submission to come to term with. Perhaps we should give your darling husband some benefits of doubt. It may be the challenges of the moment which you cannot fully grasp that is making him behave strangely lately. You have to accept the fact that gender reception to issues and challenges differs. As a man, he's not essentially wired the way you are. He's not easily moved by circumstances but when he is, he may not also easily consoled. All of the time you've thought things were okay with you, it may be that certain punches of life have been entering his system that he's been denying or managing them. You can never tell if he's acting the way he is currently because his threshold has been reached or even exceeded. We all have a limit beyond which we cannot contain a challenge anymore. That aside, your marriage may just be going through a transitional stage. As it goes, there is usually a time in a marriage when partners get so used to each other that they no longer do the initial things they used to do to win each other's affection and love. Although it is usually advised that courtship and dating should continue even in marriage but we all know that that hardly happens in most homes. With the passage of time, sex becomes less frequent and the display of affection diminishes. This may be the stage you are that makes you feel your husband now hates you. Understandably, it can appear as hatred because you no longer get the attention and the cuddling you once enjoyed. While this may potent some dangers if not well-managed, that may not be a sufficient reason to assert that your husband has stopped loving you. Now, as a woman reading this piece, have you taken some time to do some self-examinations? Are there not certain things about your own attitude or outlook too that have changed? Your husband may not actually hate you; he may just be responding to your recent change in behavior and manners. Just imagine if you've just spanked a child; would it not just be normal for that child to shed some tears? We wouldn't be alarmed that the child is crying because we know he's only responding to an action. So, it follows that if we remove the action (spanking), the reaction (crying) too would stop. This is because crying is not the normal behavior of the child. What's the point? You may be the reason he's acting the way he's currently doing. He may not actually hate you but just can't help but pretend that he does; at least if that would make you reconsider your stance too and change. Well, all of these are speculations. Though strange, he may actually have started to hate you. To this effect, you would start noticing some signs. Those signs which you may have started experiencing if truly your husband hates you are discussed in the next section.
Signs Your Husband Now Hates You
If indeed your husband hates you, any of the signs mentioned here may not be new to you in your home. First, he may have become abusive especially verbally. You can easily identify hatred in a person's speech even before such one acts. If your husband has no name he cannot call you, chances are that he's no longer into you. Again, among the signs affirming your husband hates you is his refusal to care for you any longer. A loving husband normally can separate a misunderstanding from his responsibility. Even though he may not approve of certain things you may be doing; because he loves you, he would still not leave or neglect his statutory role as the husband. So, where you have a husband that has neglected his role, you may not be wrong to have asserted that he hates you. In addition to this, if your husband now threatens to divorce you, you've got every reason to submit he no longer loves you. Where love exists between a husband and wife, divorce is the last word to be heard. But if before you say one or two things your husband has raised the issue of divorce, who can blame you to have said he no longer loves you? Furthermore, to establish that truly he hates you, your husband may have stopped having sex with you especially for quite a long time. As it is, 6 months without sex in your marriage is too long a time not to worry that perhaps something is wrong somewhere. Yes, you both need sex; but truth be told, men seem to need it more. So, your husband not having sex with you for a very long time may be a confirmation that truly he hates you. Watch how he relates to your family members. Has he become hostile and disrespectful to them lately? It's most likely because he hates you; hence, the transfer of aggression to them. There is a way the love or hatred one's spouse has for one extends to one's family members. To crown it all, your husband may have started cheating on you. Or what more can be attributed to cheating than he not being in love with you anymore? Even if you have cheated on him before, doing the same thing back cannot be justifiable. He's only sending a subtle message that he's no more interested in you.
Possible Reasons Your Husband Hates You
If some or all of the signs given above resonate with you, you are not wrong to have concluded your husband hates you. However, the big question remains, and that is: why would your husband hate you? Being your husband that he is, he is supposed to be your no. 1 fan. Where this is not the case, certain reasons could have been responsible. Some of those possible reasons are discussed in the points below.
1. You May Have Become Disrespectful
A man would probably not sacrifice his personal respect from his wife for anything. That is one of his greatest needs in a marriage. He wants to be treated like a king anytime, any day. And of course, he being a king only confirms you as a queen too. Men generally don't want their authority to be challenged not even by their wives. Where you have started showing signs of insurrection, they may just be on a mission to teach you the lesson of your life. They seem to be able to tolerate any other defect from their wives apart from disrespect. And sometimes because of familiarity, you may not even know that you have started disrespecting your husband. He too may not even know how to voice his concerns because it is an innate need that he feels you should understand naturally. Of course, you know that you don't have to slap a person or yell at them before you disrespect them. Disrespect to your husband can be as subtle as questioning his leadership in the house. It's true you may not be contending the position of a husband with him but every time he makes a decision, you're always finding something wrong with it. You make him feel he cannot make a rational decision on his own. Again, you may be disrespecting him by repeating the same thing he has corrected you about. In some situations, you may just be disrespecting your husband by your incessant unilateral decision. He's not saying he wants to lord anything over you or become your mind but simple courtesy demands that before you take a major decision in your marriage, you first check it with him. That way, you make him feel relevant and honored. If you're sensitive enough, you can get to know if your husband hates you because of disrespect. He'll suddenly withdraw from you and rather remain cold. You'll do well to apologize to him before things get out of hand and your marriage ends in a divorce. Again, you may have to know that the greatest apology is a changed behavior.
2. If Your Husband Hates You, Perhaps You Have Cheated On Him Before
Not very many men can forgive their wives if they find out they have been unfaithful. They may pretend to have forgotten the matter but down deep in their hearts, they have signed you off. They may only be avoiding a divorce but have made up their minds not to have anything to do with you anymore. So, the question is: have you cheated on your husband before and were you caught? If the answer is yes, you cannot rule out this as a possible reason why he now hates you. A man can easily overlook his wife's excesses if she hasn't cheated on him at any point in the marriage but once there has been an established case of infidelity, hatred can pop up in his mind too often than love. Well, for you to have cheated on your husband, it may also mean that at a point, you stopped loving him. He surely would feel betrayed and may be finding it hard to trust you again. But then, without being judgmental, the way out of this is to show genuine repentance and then be ready to accommodate some occasional show of hatred that may emanate from your husband. If you display a genuine remorse, chances are that his wounded heart would be healed. It would take a devil husband to overlook a sincerely remorseful wife. It may take some time for him to fully process the scene in his heart and let it go but with time, he'll come to accept and love you as before.
3. Husband Hates You? Perhaps You Were Forced On Him
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One cannot rule out the possibility of you not being your husband's choice actually. A lot of circumstances often make some men to get married to certain women of which if they had their way, they wouldn't have. Now that they are into it, they don't just feel the connection. And without that connection, manifesting signs of hatred is unavoidable. You may have been his parents' choice and not his. Sometimes, parents, in an attempt to secure a supposed bright future for their children force them to get married to a wealthy woman. This is done without taking recourse to their son's wishes and desires. You may have to be sure your marriage is not one of the 'arranged' ones. If it is, only a miracle can save it from a divorce. Let's leave that aside and consider a scenario where your husband got married to you just because you became pregnant with him during your dating days. Because he doesn't want to leave you to bear the burden alone or feel cheated, he may have agreed to marry you even though he would have made a different choice were it not for the pregnancy. Where such is the case, you are at best a Baby Mama and not a wife. Take away the baby that connects you both and he's comfortable not setting his eyes on you again forever. The matter can even get worse if he feels you intentionally trapped him with the pregnancy. The only lasting solution is for you to seek a divorce and leave the union. Does that sound weird to you? Of course, it can be but as earlier mentioned, it is the only lasting solution to your husband's hatred for you if you are not his choice. Unless you are prepared to live a life of solitude as a wife, the best thing for you to do is to leave. He doesn't love you and there's but a little thing you can do about that. Granted, divorce may not always be a good option for resolving marital differences especially where a baby or two is involved but you may soon find out that your life and that of your baby are unsafe with a man that hates you so dearly. He doesn't have your best interest at heart and that's enough to call it quits.
4. If Your Husband Now Hates You, He May Have Started Seeing Another Woman
Infidelity in marriage gives room for a harmful comparison which may eventually lead to the end of such union. If your husband has started having a nice time outside with another woman, one of the aftermath effects is a stark hatred for you. The reason for this is simple. It's impossible to love two women at the same time. One would have to be hated to love another. Love in a marriage setting can only be between two people at a time. Where the population has been extended due to infidelity, one of the partners would have to settle for less. So, if you have not cheated on your husband and are not hoping to, his reason for hating you may just be that he is cheating already. He may have started eating another woman's food and pleasuring with their body. In fact, woe betides you if he finds her package far superior to yours. You'll need a lot of efforts (if it would ever work) to calibrate his taste again to yours. The other woman will, of course, be doing everything she can to make your husband love you less and divorce you so he can marry her. If you think you still love your husband, you'll have to work hard to get his attention back. Although it hurts to be cheated on and then hated for it again, yet for the sake of the love you have for your husband and baby, you may want to put a bit of effort into rescuing your marriage. You need a non-confrontational approach to melt your husband's heart and knit it back to yours. The approach would involve making him aware of your love for him and changing everything about you that can be changed to court his attention back. It would also involve letting him know you're aware he's having an affair and that it deeply hurts you to find that out. Although you may feel like venting your anger out, that should be shelved until you're sure he's back to so you don't ruin your chances of having him back.
5. Your Husband May Hate You If You're Shoddy In Your Appearance
Truth be told, men love their wives to be pretty and charming. They are discouraged when they see their once beautiful and good-looking wife become careless and shoddy in appearance. That's because men are moved by what they see. If you as a woman allows the assurance of marriage to make you think you can now dress anyhow, you may just be setting your husband up to hate you. Your man still wants to be able to brag about you in the company of his friends and you may be denying him of this if you no longer make effort to be physically appealing any longer. He may not even be attracted to you sexually as before because of this and you'll be thinking "My husband hates me" without knowing that you're the cause. As a way out of this, make every effort to stay up to date with fashion and do not forget to exercise regularly. Eat appropriately too especially fruits and vegetables. Good lifestyle habits will not only make you attractive but also healthy. It can also address the challenge of your husband cheating on you. When you have become irresistible to him, he would find it hard to hate or leave you. Even when he has issues with you, except you have proven to be an 'unrepentant sinner', your beauty can be part of what would make your husband forgive you quickly. To know if he has fallen out of love with your appearance, you can occasionally ask for his opinion about how you look. His response would guide you on what to improve upon.
6. If He Hates You, It May Be Because You're Proud
Everyone hates pride but not everyone is humble; even your husband himself may be proud but he expects you to be humble. Men especially often list pride as one of their turn-offs in a woman they'll like to marry. Most of them can leave a relationship just because of it. The thing about pride and marriage is that it creates a sense of insecurity and brings about unhealthy rivalry or competition amidst partners. Let's say you're older than your husband or you've got more money than him, you'll have to be careful with how you relate to him on these two levels so he doesn't feel his ego damaged. Where fortune has placed you at some sort of advantage over your husband, you need to demonstrate more humility than you would ordinarily have to make him feel secure. Except where you have genuine reasons to doubt his managerial skills, you should not be afraid to submit whatever you have to him. And remember too that your money or position, however huge and respected they may be, does not make you the husband. Do not allow your privileges to make you address or relate to your husband anyhow. If he can't pay the bills and you can, there's no need to make any noise about that. After all, that's one essence of marriage; if one partner is weak in one area, the other should assist and not mock.
7. Do You Have Conflict Over Baby Making?
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If we leave aside what you may have done as being the reason your husband hates you, another great cause may be because of issues regarding childbirth. First, if you have been unable to give him a baby years after your marriage, that may be a reason for his hatred. In most cases, men who hate their wives over their inability to conceive feel that they are not the one having issues and that may be a sign they would leave the marriage soon. Men who love their wives don't become impatient or intolerant just because they are yet to have a baby. Instead of hating you for this, he'll rather encourage and support. That aside, your conflict about baby making may be connected to how and when. He may want a house full of kids while you feel one or two is enough. In certain situations, some husbands may deliberately want to wait for some years before becoming a father. If you keep bringing up the issue of having a baby before such ones, they may start displaying some signs of hatred to you. As a rule, be sure of what your husband wants and reach a compromise with him if possible even before marriage. Baby making should be a joint decision of the two of you and if perchance there is a genuine reason to delay it for a while, both parties must give their consents. If he hates you for wanting a baby in time, watch it; he may be inconsiderate. You may have to involve the help of a counselor.
8. Have You Started Refusing Him Sex?
WARNING... Potential over-sharing (of an intimate nature) coming up in this post... My husband and I have always had a fantastic sex life. Whilst not necessarily being 'at it like rabbits' every day of the week, it's always been regular, adventurous and enjoyable from both sides. Since his affair, it hasn't felt as easy or natural. Believe it or not, that's not because of the images in my head of him and her, it's actually the pressure he is putting on himself. He is trying so hard to make everything perfect for me that he beats himself up any time things don't go as planned. That includes sex. This has occasionally caused some 'performance anxiety' (if you know what I mean 😜) and every time it happens, he panics even more and worries about losing me. I've tried my best to not put any pressure on him and make out like it really doesn't matter, but my self-confidence is not exactly at its best right now. My brain tells me it's his worry / anxiety that's causing it but my cripplingly low self-esteem wonders 'Does he not fancy me anymore?' I'm trying to be patient and understanding but it's really bad timing when the thing I need most in the world right now is to feel sexy / wanted. Has anybody else been in this position? #affair #gettingoveranaffair #cheatinghusband #otherwoman #betrayal #Lies #SexAfterAnAffair #ErectileDysfunction #marriage
Check to be sure that the reason your husband hates you is not as a result of your incessant and unwarranted refusal of his sexual advances. Sex is an innate need for men and only a genuine reason should warrant you to deny him of it. When a man is refused sex by his wife, he also interprets it that his wife hates him. Yes, we know some men can be unreasonable in their sexual demands but even at that, an outright denial would do your marriage little or no good.
On A Final Note
Any of the highlighted points above may be the reason your husband hates you. For each one of them, there is usually a way out but not all may mean you would have to continue in the union with him. While it is not impossible to make your husband love you again, you need to see signs he's ready to change. If he's unwilling to love you again perhaps because he has started enjoying the company of another woman, what more can you do? Accept your fate and move on. Marriage is only sweet when love is there. Take away love and it becomes a hell.