My Husband Wants A Divorce But I Don't. What Do I Do?

However popular divorce may have become today, it's not a thing any woman would pray for. Here are some things you can do if your husband wants a divorce.

By Emmanuel Onitayo
My Husband Wants A Divorce But I Don't. What Do I Do?

Divorce Is Not A One-Day Decision

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If there is any reason for it, there is hope for you if your husband wants a divorce because divorce itself takes time to materialize. Its conception, planning, and execution do not take place spontaneously. In fact, in some experts' opinion, before a spouse can voice out their intention to go for a divorce, a year or two would have been devoted to thinking about it. During this period he's contemplating a divorce, you as a wife would surely notice some signs suggesting he may opt for a divorce soon. If you are lucky enough to have paid attention, a lot can still be done to save your marriage. However, if you are unfortunate not to have read the writing on the wall, there may be nothing you can do to avert a divorce when your husband has hired an attorney. One unfair thing about divorce is that both of you don't necessarily have to consent to it. You don't need to want a divorce for it to happen. Once your husband says he's done with you, he only needs to put together the papers and employ the services of a lawyer. That's why you need to act if sincerely you don't want a divorce between you and your hubby. For the purpose of this piece, we would assume that your husband is only contemplating divorce and has not done any tangible thing to effect it. That is, of course, the only basis for which the question "What do I do?" can be relevant. We would assume you're only seeing some signs suggesting your husband may be planning to leave you soon. Some of these signs are briefly discussed below.

Some Signs Your Husband Wants A Divorce

If divorce is a thing your husband is contemplating, he is likely to start withdrawing from you even before uttering his intentions. What takes place at the court is merely a formality as the divorce would have started manifesting itself while you are still together under the same roof. You'll notice he has started keeping a distance with you and the kids and probably stays away from home too often. In addition, if he's planning to leave you, you would discover that the affection and love you once enjoyed together would no longer be there. He'll no longer kiss or hug you and if you're very observant, you would discover he might have stopped wearing the ring. What business has a husband planning divorce at home with his wife? He definitely wouldn't put you in any of his plans any longer. Since the love is no longer there, his primary concern would be to satisfy himself and girlfriend (if he already has one) not minding whatever becomes of you and the kids. When you ask him what is wrong, he is not going to give you a cogent answer. So, if all or some of the things mentioned here are what you have been experiencing with your husband at home, you are not wrong to have asserted that your husband wants a divorce. Chances are that he may have even started telling you already. However, as already stated, if he hasn't taken any visible step to make the divorce a reality, there are still some things that can be done to salvage the situation.

What Not To Do If Your Husband Wants A Divorce

It is natural for you to want to save your marriage at all costs, hence you'll want to do anything to stop your husband from his planned divorce. However, in your desperation, you may end up doing certain things that may further pull him away. One of them is pleading or begging him for another chance. Rather than consider your pleas, he may further be emboldened in his resolve to leave you. You have given him a reason to fuel his ego and that may be counter-productive. Don't stalk him either. Even if you know his girlfriend, hold on to yourself while you follow the steps suggested in the next section. That time you have discovered your husband wants a divorce is not the time to start making endless promises of you changing for the better. He'll probably not listen to you. He may have given you such second opportunities in the past only for you to repeat the same error. Perhaps, this should be stressed too; don't blame him or yourself either. You are especially prone to doing this but you should restrain yourself from blaming yourself. If you do so, you won't be able to get your act together so as to do the right thing. Divorce cannot be your fault alone but remember the aim here is not to determine whose fault it is. Check below for the things you can do if your husband wants a divorce and you don't.

What To Do If Your Husband Wants A Divorce.

The things you'll read here may appear non-intuitive to you but they have been proven to be efficient by many people whose marriage was once on a brink of divorce just like yours. Hopefully, it would help you too if you'll practice them.

1. Avoid Doings Things That Can Worsen The Situation

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The truth is that you didn't begin your marriage the way it is now. Chances are that you both loved and respected each other without the thought that you would ever have to separate. Perhaps you got carried away and started taking your husband for granted. Whatever be the case, if you seem to be able to identify the reason your husband now wants a divorce, now is the time to stop such activity. Stop the disrespect; stop the pride; leave that affair now (if you're into one), and put a stop to your incessant complaining and nagging too if you know they are the reasons your husband now wants a divorce. Now is not the time to hold on to those rights you have always been seeking to assert. Remember your aim here is to prevent a divorce from taking place and not exercising some supposed rights of yours. By stopping every action of yours that can aggravate the already tensed situation, you're paving the way for a possible reconciliation.

2. If You Guess Your Husband Still Loves You, Seek Professional Help

As it turns out, most couples get to see a counselor only when things have proceeded from bad to worse. They sleep and wake every day with unresolved issues but would not consider seeking help then. The point is: As a woman, you can always know if your husband still loves you even in the face of a divorce. Pay very close attention to his attitude and watch him keenly to see if he still has any bit of love for you. The truth is that he probably still loves you. Without putting much pressure on him, suggest that you both visit a trusted marriage counselor together. If you feel he wants to do that separately, let it be. Please note that this approach may only be effective if things haven't gotten very nasty; otherwise, pushing for a counseling may prove counter-productive. Let your gut direct you here. You may even be surprised that the counseling is not as much necessary for your husband as it is for you.

3. Where He's Hell-Bent On Divorce, Opt For A Mediation

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Your husband has all the rights to want to call it quits with you and he may insist on exercising it. You really cannot control his decision about divorce no matter how seriously you detest it. If he's hell-bent on a divorce, he may still proceed with it no matter what you do or don't do. Where that is the case, option 2 suggested above is the last thing you want to try out. It would probably not work. If he wants to separate from you, urging him to see a counselor will just be another failed attempt. However, you can get to control the divorce process by opting for a mediation. This allows you to spend less on hiring an attorney and you can be sure to get everything you're entitled to from the union. Of course, if you go the court way, you would still get what you're entitled to but you may have spent a lot before the case is finally decided. With mediation, you'll not only get what you're entitled to but you would save yourself from the trauma of court sittings which usually take some time to end.

4. Consider The Option Of A Temporary Separation

Another tactic to avert an outright divorce is to agree with your husband to try a temporary separation. You both can separate from each other for a while to see if the love can still be rekindled. This may sound or seem counter-intuitive but it has proven to help marriages that had almost gone the way of divorce before. It's good to sleep alone sometimes so you can meditate and fix yourself. Plan a long vacation to a place where you're able to assess the whole situation and seek the necessary help. In your retreat, you can consult people and read books from which ideas can spring up to rescue your marriage. Even if your husband has a girlfriend he's seeing somewhere, never bother about that. His having a girlfriend may probably be a defense mechanism and he's likely to get rid of her soon.

5. Your Husband Wants A Divorce? Seek God

You probably are not expecting to see this as one of the possible solutions to avert a divorce but don't be surprised: it may prove to be that single option that would help you. Marriage is a spiritual institution and it is not unlikely that you are now treading the path of a divorce because you have neglected this fact. We didn't just fall asleep and wake up one day to see that marriage is necessary; someone designed it to be. That's why through the ages, despite the many attacks against it, the institution of marriage has come to stay. Just at that point where you notice your husband wants a divorce, you can run to the Originator of marriage to help with a solution. Get to seek God. Pray! Nothing usually works more than prayer in putting a divorce aside. Pray in the morning and in the night before you sleep and watch a divine hand change your husband's heart and that of yours. If you have a spiritual father, consult such for a possible help but by all means, endeavor to seek God personally. This crude, ancient method still works.

On A Final Note

Divorce may be popular today but it's not the ideal. The law stipulates that you're entitled to spousal support where a divorce has taken place but that's probably the last thing to think about here. Divorce actually causes more harm than good, especially for the kids. That is why when it can be avoided, it should. Of course, you cannot be hanging on to those things you consider your rights and still hope to escape divorce. You would have to take your eyes off them and focus on saving your home. It is far more expensive going through a divorce that simply letting go of your rights. If you try out these 5 itemized things, you would be surprised at the result it'll bring.

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