20 Early Warning Signs Of A Possessive And Controlling Boyfriend

Pick up signs of controlling relationship which can consume you

By Brit Barrett
20 Early Warning Signs Of A Possessive And Controlling Boyfriend

Is Your Boyfriend Possessive?

When it comes to relationships, there is a very thin line between true love and obsession. In the beginning, a little jealousy here and there is not only normal, but it's healthy. But how can you tell if that line has been crossed? If you pay attention, the warning signs are always there. You can usually determine early in your relationship if your new boyfriend is becoming possessive. Men may not tell you everything you want to hear, but their actions will tell it all.

man holding smartphone

20 Early Warning Signs Of A Possessive Boyfriend

You have to watch for these signs. Controlling relationships have been around as long as any other relationship has. In the past, it was easier to know if your boyfriend was possessive or not. But now, in our world today, possessive people will go the extra mile to mask their jealousy from their partner. They will go out of their way, just to keep their little secret a little while longer. It becomes a game to them; almost as if a lion is hunting its prey.

1. He Screens Your Phone Calls

If your boyfriend starts controlling who you associate with early on, that's a clear warning sign. He will constantly ask you who is calling you. You won't even be able to start a text message without him asking who you're texting. He'll question you at first, which will lead to snooping through your call/text logs.

It's Cute At First

At the beginning of a relationship, a little jealousy here and there is rather cute. The extra attention tends to be somewhat flattering at first. But, you have to know where that thin line stands between being a possessive boyfriend and being over-protective.

person behind mesh fence

A possessive person is a natural manipulator. Your boyfriend will show his controlling side from the very beginning. We tend to not pick up on these little signs because they are so insignificant, that we overlook them.

For instance, you're at the mall, and a group of your classmates walks up. You begin talking about school, and then you realize that your boyfriend is not beside you anymore. You tell everyone that you have to go, and you set out to find your man. You finally spot him sitting by himself in the food court, at a table in the very back. Your first sign is that your boyfriend didn't even stay around to meet your friends. You would think that he'd want them to approve of him, but he doesn't care the least. As you sit down, you see a hint of frustration in his eyes. After asking him what happened, he tells you that he knows a couple of the classmates from his past. He warns you that they are not the kind of people that you'd want to be caught alone with. It's strange at first, but then you start to feel as if he is only trying to look out for you.

Now, he's put negative thoughts in your mind about those friends; and pulled you closer to him. These signs are so simple that you will overlook them, even though the red flag is right there in your face. That is why it is so important to watch for early warning signs. It only gets more intense from here.

2. Possessive Men Try To Control Who You Associate With

man and woman sitting on sofa in a room

Your man will try to keep you away from people who pose a threat to him. If he feels that a certain person might interfere with his master plan, he'll come up with random reasons that he doesn't want you talking to this person. A recent study in psychology states that a possessive man will try to turn you against your family and friends. Therefore you have no support group anymore. Now, you'll be left with no one but him to depend on.

It Seems Harmless At First

When you've just started a relationship with someone, you don't really pay attention to him reading your texts over your shoulder.

He Isolates You From Everyone And Everything

woman sitting on bed while holding mug

A possessive man starts off with him simply disliking one of your friends. It will eventually lead to him forbidding you to see even your family. A possessive man tries to cut off anyone who might get in between you and him. In his eyes, everyone is a threat. He will be so used to making up stories about certain people that he will begin to believe them. It is a serious problem when your man starts believing his nonsense. It will become difficult to separate the real world from his imagination.

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3. Your Boyfriend Has No Friends

Men that isolate themselves from society are sure signs that they may be possessive. A controlling man would rather be alone; in a setting that he is in complete control of. When he is around groups of people, he will get nervous, and his temper will grow thin fast. Possessive people cannot handle groups of people. It can cause panic attacks or even a breakdown. But more often than not, they will turn to their anger or violence to deal with whatever is making them uncomfortable.

4. Possessive Men Tell You What To Wear

woman holding her face

After the first couple of weeks, a possessive boyfriend will start telling you how he doesn't approve of your mini skirts. He'll have a fit if you try to leave the house with a low cut shirt on. These are early signs of a jealous and possessive boyfriend.

Fashion Police

When he starts controlling what you wear each day, it is time to take a break from this possessive relationship. You are a grown woman who does not need anyone to play the parent role. Put a stop to it before it is too late. When a man is possessive, that emotion only gets stronger and stronger as time goes by.

5. He Gets Mad If You Use Your Phone Around Him

man sitting on sofa against wall

Your boyfriend shouldn't be controlling when you use your cell phone. Possessive men like to have 100% of your attention. So, if answering a text message or a phone call makes him mad, he is possessive and very controlling.

He Will Go Into An Instant Panic

Simple things such as responding to a text message or a phone call will cause a problem in a possessive relationship. Your relationship is in a very unhealthy place if he can't even control his jealousy when you use your cell phone. It is ridiculous for an electronic to have so much control over his emotions. But, he will not see it as him having a problem. He will point the finger at you and make you feel like you did something wrong. You will begin questioning yourself and your decisions.

6. He Constantly Accuses You

If your boyfriend accuses you of cheating or lying early in the relationship, he may be possessive. A jealous man, or a guilty one, will accuse you of being the cheater or liar, to take the guilt away from himself. He may try reverse psychology to get you to admit something that he thinks you have done. These are warning signs of a possessive man. If he can make you question yourself, you need to get away from this possessive man. No one should have control over you like that — especially not a new boyfriend.

grayscale photo of woman wearing collared shirt

The Blame Game

Usually, when a possessive man is guilty himself, he will accuse his significant other of being the guilty party. Blaming someone else takes the heat away from him, which puts him back in control. Controlling men do not work well under pressure. They are usually wound pretty tight. So, if he gets in a situation where there might be a negative spotlight on him, your possessive boyfriend will take the quickest way out; not caring who he might hurt in the process.

7. Possessive Men Will Freak Out If You Don't Answer A Phone Call Or Text Immediately

If your boyfriend gets mad because you don't respond to his texts or phone calls immediately, you have a jealous, possessive boyfriend on your hands. He should understand that you have other things to do than wait by the phone for his calls. That doesn't mean you care any less for him.

man wearing white top using MacBook

Nice Guys Finish Last

A possessive boyfriend doesn't care if it is your family or closest friends; he will always want to come first. A lot of times, a controlling man will get hostile when he does not get his way. Possessive men give real meaning to the phrase, "my way, or the highway."

8. Your Boyfriend Has A Problem With Everyone

If he has something negative to say about everyone you come in contact with, that should be a warning that he may be possessive. A possessive man will talk down to anyone that may pose a threat to him. If the rumors are true or false makes no difference to him. A recent study in psychology said that a possessive man would criticize everyone around, but try to convince you that he has your best interest at heart.

9. He Stalks You

three persons sitting on chair beside table

Whether it be in person or on social media if your possessive boyfriend is stalking you, it's a sign he is very controlling. Say you are out with the girls one night and he knows that it is just the girls, if he mysteriously pops up uninvited, claiming he had no idea you were at the restaurant, it is most likely a lie. A possessive boyfriend will follow you all night long without you ever knowing. Also, If he makes a fake Facebook page to try and catch you doing something wrong, that is a warning of a very unhealthy and possessive relationship. When someone goes out of their way to pretend to be someone else; or spends their free time following your location from his phone, he has some issues that are going to need professional attention.

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I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me

If he can't respect your space, then you need to address this issue; he is probably possessive. You have to set healthy boundaries early in the relationship. This will help you to pick up on little things. If he can't handle a couple of simple ground rules, then that is a red flag.

10. He Does Not Respect Your Personal Space And Your Time Alone

two gray ceramic mugs on brown wooden dining table

No new couple should start out by spending every second of every day together. You still need time to yourself to reflect on your day and handle any personal issues you may have. Possessive men feel entitled to all of your free time, and usually, they feel like they should have passwords to all of your personal information. This invasion of privacy is a sign of a possessive boyfriend. Anyone who can't respect your personal space, probably will not respect anything else that you ask of them either.

11. He Has A Short Temper About Everything

If your boyfriend has anger management problems early in the relationship, this could mean he is possessive. A controlling person has little to no patience. Therefore, the smallest conflicts may strike up a disagreement; that could lead to a serious fight or tantrum. These are signs of being a possessive boyfriend.

Short Fuse

The smallest thing you might say or do will set him off. You could look at someone the wrong way, and he'll blow his fuse.

12. He Is Constantly Questioning You Or Doubting Your Word

grayscale photo of woman doing silent hand sign

You tell your boyfriend that you are going to the grocery store, and he immediately wants to know why it took you so long. He wants to know which route you took, or if you stopped anywhere else — this is a red flag. Usually, when he questions your honesty, he is either a being jealous and controlling, or he is the one being dishonest.

13. He Withholds Information

If your man 'accidentally' forgets to give you a message from your brother, that is not acceptable. If it slips his mind that your mother came by to see you the other day, these are signs of a possessive person. There is no excuse for him not giving you your messages. His goal is to make you feel as if he is the only person that cares about you. Once he has you so detached from your family that you do not even call home anymore except on holidays, then he will move in even stronger.

14. If He Tracks Your Location Without Your Permission

Controlling men have been known to download apps on their girlfriend's phone that tracks their location at all times. This is not alright. A possessive boyfriend will devote all of his time trying to keep up with you.

He wants to know your every move. Most controlling people will even keep a log of your whereabouts. Even if your travels are harmless, he has convinced himself that you are running around on him.

15. He Wants Complete Control Of Your Life

When your man controls who you talk to, who you see, where you go, and when you go — red flag! It's unhealthy to be with someone who wants to know your passwords to personal accounts and wants access to your phone and social media accounts. A relationship is built on loyalty and trust. These controlling issues are all signs of a jealous boyfriend.

16. He Intimidates You

Possessive men will intimidate you to the point where you feel like you have to have his permission (or his acceptance) before making any decisions on your own. He will manipulate every situation to benefit himself. He'll use guilt, pity, and even blackmail to gain complete control over you.

17. A Jealous Boyfriend Will Do Little Things To Hurt You

person holding white printer paper

A psychology study says that a possessive boyfriend will withhold affection out of spite. He may leave the house without saying goodbye and he loves you because he knows it bothers you. He'll come home begging to make up. It will leave you feeling like an emotional yo-yo; from one extreme to the next.

18. He Uses Information That You Have Confided In Him Against You

Every couple has those moments when the two of you feel completely connected. You may share secrets that no one else knows. If your boyfriend takes something that you have told him about yourself that maybe no one else knows, and uses it against you, then he's a jealous boyfriend. A man who loves you won't judge you by your past. He will be a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, and after giving you his advice, he'll never mention it again.

19. He Only Sees The Negative Things That Have Affected Your Relationship

You dedicate every day to your man; doing things he wants to do. But, on Sunday you choose to be with your family. He will only be affected by the day that you didn't spend with him. It won't matter to him that you have given him almost all of your free time. He will only see the day that you left him alone.

20. He Threatens Suicide

selective color photography of person portraying of being fragile

A possessive man will try to use guilt and reverse psychology on you. He will tell you that if you leave him, he's going to kill himself. He may even threaten to harm you or other people. If you are ever put in this situation, you should immediately seek help. A man who pulls a stunt like this needs to talk to a doctor or therapist who specializes in psychology.

selective focus photography of woman and man about to kiss

A little jealousy here and there can be cute and is considered healthy. But you have to watch for the warning signs to know when he is going overboard. He may be controlling and possessive, but masking it behind "I love you's." It easy to get confused. When a guy wants all of your time, you may mistake that for him love you so much that he never wants to be away from you. If you pick up on any of these signs, especially in a new relationship, you need to reevaluate your situation; try to put some space between you and your boyfriend. Possessive people only get worse with time. Just remember that no matter how much control he tries to gain over you, you are always in control of yourself.

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