15 Common Reasons You Don't Feel Loved & What To Do About It

Courtship stage is probably the best stage when you are in love. It’s where you probably feel loved the most where your boyfriend gives you presents constantly, takes you out on a date regularly, says “I love you” repeatedly, or gives you gentle kisses every time. It’s the stage where you are just starting to get to know each other so you spend more than enough time for each other. However, as the relationship lasts, you start to feel as if your moments together get lesser, he doesn’t take you out on a date that often anymore, and you feel as if he looks happier whenever he’s with other people. Does that mean he lost his feelings for you? Do you think he’s in love with another woman? You have to right to think about all of the “what if” situations your mind produces, but until you have a tangible proof that he actually doesn’t love you anymore, they will stay as intuition. But maybe they are only intuition and nothing more since women are big on hunches. We are very sensitive to the point that a small stuff worries us too much. Anyway, here are probable reasons why you don’t feel loved by your boyfriend or husband anymore.

At the first few months of your relationship with your boyfriend, he probably shared a lot of what’s going on with his life to you—from what team wins in the basketball championship to serious stuff like family issues. And you know he does that because he loves you and he feels like he can trust you. And now that your boyfriend doesn’t do it very often, you feel as if you’re no longer relevant and he doesn’t love you anymore. You’re thinking way too much if this is your only reason for feeling unloved. You probably have things you’d rather keep it hidden to yourself too, right? Perhaps, he’s thinking the same or he just doesn’t want to make you worry.

One of the most common reasons why women feel unloved is when they caught their boyfriends or husbands lying to them. Of course, nothing hurts more when we get lied to but people lying have their own reasons—it could be because they really meant bad, or they just don’t want to make the issue bigger. In a relationship, we can’t expect that our loved ones would always be honest. It may sound ridiculous but that’s the reality. If you feel really bothered about a lie they just told you, it’s best to confront your boyfriend or husband first before you conclude anything. Maybe they don’t really mean to hurt you but whatever their reasons are, you have to consider that.

Do you remember how your partner was the time he was just courting you? He was probably the sweetest guy in your eyes, right? For you, he was the epitome of perfection because his personality and attitude were just too perfect. But then suddenly, as your relationship lasts, you notice that he starts to lose the things you once loved about him. Does that mean he doesn’t feel happy with you anymore? Keep in mind that people are prone to changes. As a person grows, his ways of coping up with life begins to feel different as well. Also, remember that you’re still getting to know your boyfriend everyday of your relationship. Occurrences in life change people. For example, your boyfriend’s personality will definitely change when he becomes your husband because there are going to be a lot of responsibilities that will be added upon him.

Have you caught him cheating before? Are you aware that he’s still seeing his past girlfriend? If so, then you have a reason to feel as if you’re not loved by your partner anymore. There is the fact that you’re still together after he tried to hurt you. But the scar he put on you will always be there. You will always have the feeling of him being capable to do it again. There are actually two things you can do—leave or choose to stay. If it’s really giving you a bothersome feeling to the point that you can’t function well anymore, it’s best if you just leave. However, if you want to stay, you have to try harder to trust him again and give him a chance. Who knows? Maybe he couldn’t just resist the temptation before but now that he realized how he hurt you, he won’t do it again.

Have you ever cheated on your boyfriend or husband before? Because it has the same effect as when your current boyfriend has cheated on you. You don’t feel loved because you’re thinking that you don’t deserve it. You don’t feel loved because your conscience tells you that you are a horrible person. If this is the case, there’s only one way you can do and that is to prove yourself. Let him feel that you have regretted your mistakes in the past. Make it up to him by being extra sweet—bring him breakfast in bed, surprise him with gifts, and constantly remind him that you love him.

Sometimes, words can do a lot of damage more than any bruise. Carelessness in choosing of words or the way we talk may be misinterpreted by the people who hear us. For example, when he tries to share stories from the time he was single, you’re probably thinking immediately that he’s trying to give you a hint that he wants to break up. Or when he tries to tell you that the dress you wear doesn’t suit you, you’d think he was telling you you’re getting chubby. This is a feeling of insecurity hence why you don’t feel loved. And when insecurity works, we intercept the real message and form our own ideas from it. If you’re bothered by the way he sometimes speaks, talk about it instead of concluding without basis.

How is your boyfriend when he is with you in public? Does he have wandering eyes as if he’s still single? Does he eye other women a lot? If that’s the case, you have a reason to feel that you’re not loved. Women love nothing more than getting their boyfriend’s full attention. However, that desire is impossible. You have to admit, you also look at other good-looking guys who pass by too. But that doesn’t mean your feelings for your boyfriend will immediately change right? If it gets to the point where it bothers you and you feel disrespected, tell him. That’s just how most men are but it doesn’t mean they intend to cheat.

Most of the time, our partners’ friends can cause insecurity too. So ask yourself what kind of friends your boyfriend has. Does he hang out with single guys? If so, are you afraid that they might influence him to becoming single again so he can party more? Does he have a lot of pretty female friends? Although there are instances where people outside the relationship might cause a break up, it doesn’t always happen. It will still depend on a person if he/she will let themselves be influenced or be tempted. However, if it really bothers you, why don’t you get to know his circle of friends?

When you get into a relationship, it means that you already share your life with your loved one. Almost everything you do should be done together because you’re starting a life with the person you’re going to be with for forever. And so, what you should share includes the decisions you make. If your man always decides on his own regarding travel, events in your relationship, etc. without asking for your opinion, it’s just your right to feel unloved. Talk to him if ever you’re feeling bothered. Never conclude without knowing the other side of the story.

During the first few months of the relationship, he was probably there for you all the time. He can’t just get enough of you, right? But suddenly, he’s too busy again. He spends more time at work than at home. Does that mean he has lost feelings for you? During the courtship stage, it’s normal that you spend time for each other more. It’s normal that he thinks about nothing but you. That’s just how falling in love feels. However, as you both last longer, you have to realize that you have responsibilities to go back to. You both have work that needs focus and attention. You have personal affairs to attend to. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s mandatory to focus on each other.

How was he when you were just starting with your relationship? Does he text you a lot? Does he chat with you often? Does he remind you to eat every breakfast, lunch, and dinner? How about now? Does he still send you messages? And if he does, are they just one liner? Receiving heartwarming messages brings a good feeling but as the relationship progresses, they disappear. And that’s just very normal because you are starting to get used to each other. Your love is more than just words already. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t send you long messages anymore as long as he never forgets to say “I love you”.

Personally speaking, when my boyfriend was just courting me, he texts me even when he was at work. He didn’t mind whether his boss accost him for it. He replies immediately and chats random stuff just to keep me talking. But now, there are even instances where he just works without even saying “hi” until the end of his shift and at first, it bothered me but not anymore because I realized that chatting with me while working might jeopardize his job. Know that it’s normal for men to do anything to vie for your attention during courtship even if it means they lose time for other things. And when he gets your “yes”, it’s like an achievement unlocked for him. However, after pursuing you, he has to go back to his other challenges but this time, with you on his side. Think about a game where you collect items that would help you finish the goal much easier. Love is like that, you find people to be your inspiration to have a much more meaningful life. Just because your loved one gets busy with other things doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings for you any longer.

When your loved one loves you for real, he will make sure that you also meet the most important people in his life which are his family and his closest friends. So if you feel that your man tries to avoid bringing you home, it’s your right to feel unloved. Try to open it up to him one day and ask him whether he can bring you home and meet his parents because men sometimes just need some reminding. However, if he really evades the issue, you might want to think twice about your feelings for him starting now.

Listen to him when he makes plans for the future. Does he include you in it? Does he consider your own aspirations and goals or does he just focus on his? Does he use the pronoun “we” or just “I”? If it’s the latter, it’s probably the reason why you’re feeling unloved. Some men are just really uncomfortable talking about their future marriage life. When they avoid it, they don’t mean to hurt you. They just get pressured so open it up to him slowly. If you really want to talk to him about it, do it by being indirect or through hints.

Sometimes, the issue is not actually on the other side but ours. When was the last time you satisfy your desires? When was the last time you feel confident about yourself? Ask yourself if you have self-love. If you don’t have it, then it’s probably the reason why you’re feeling unloved by the people around you. How do you expect to feel appreciated if even you doubt your own self? Before making other people to love you, it’s you who should love yourself more than anything else. You have to learn to accept everything about you, even your flaws. Because when you achieved that, you don’t even have to beg for other people’s love. What you can give yourself is enough.