Top 10 Signs Of A Controlling Man: Look Out For Red Flags

Here are 10 signs of a controlling man to watch out for. Once you realize you don’t need him anymore, walk away before he walks all over you.

By Gerald Matiri
Top 10 Signs Of A Controlling Man: Look Out For Red Flags

Wanna know signs of a controlling man?

He seems endearing at first - calling you all the time and taking charge of your night-out arrangements. But later, your Prince Charming turns into a control freak boyfriend or husband. Ideally, a controlling man is a guy who wants to take charge of everything. He is nothing like the dominant type, as he is not up to dominating you; he worries about losing the power of control and that’s the reason you see him acting crazy. You are in deep trouble if your male partner is a manipulative person. Knowing how to deal with him is painstaking and will take a toll on your mental health. If you are always worried that something will make him explode, it’s time you face him because a relationship is meant to be fun as opposed to being an imprisonment. Find out the 10 red flags you should be aware of.

1) A controlling man monitors all your moves

Your control-freak boyfriend wants to know every move you make. He just can’t bear the idea of not knowing what you are doing, where you are, and whom you are with. He wants to know, now. Expect to see text messages asking you what you are doing and a video call so that he may verify if what you’re saying is true. If your day was busy and you didn’t have a chance to call, he will interrogate you, like an investigative officer, about how you spent the day. Do not be surprised if your brother tells you that your boyfriend called to know if you had actually visited him! More often than not, he will get angry if you go somewhere without letting him know first. It’s like you have to seek his permission to go shopping, pick up your child from school, attend a distressed neighbor and so on. At some point, you feel like a prisoner and wish to go back to your parents if you are married. You only have two options: deal with him for good or get out of the relationship. Sorry to disappoint you, but this guy will never change because the obsession is in his blood. But what do you do if you are madly in love with him? Well, you can calm yourself, accept him the way he is, and submit fully. Do not argue with him though - it will be pointless.

2) Signs of a controlling man - rigid habits

Have you ever seen someone who follows the same routine since he was a youngster to the day his grandchildren get married? This is one of the red flags of a manipulative man. With him, everything is preset, for instance, you know what to cook for dinner on Monday and you have no right to change the recipe. His schedules are repetitive and boring. You try to tell him about the new gym in town but he wants to continue with his machine at home, despite the fact that repetitive exercises don’t yield good results. These are some of the true colors he will start showing as soon as the love infatuations vanish, and he will no longer change his routines to please you like he used to when you first met. Controlling men hardly change their behavior and they stick to what they believe initially. Trying to change him is a waste of time. Somehow, his lifestyle becomes retrogressive as he fails to embrace changes, even those that are meant to make his life better. At the end of the day, you find yourself living his life because he is the one who dictates how things are run in his empire. Do not be surprised when your friends refer to you as an old-fashioned couple. His house may be fledged with decors handed down from his great-grandparents and if you try to add some antique pieces, your idea will be slammed that you’ll wish you hadn’t mentioned it in the first place. This is a clear sign that he simply cannot change.

3) Signs of a controlling man - considers your stuff as his

Have you noticed when your phone beeps he wants to pick it up? You are dating a manipulative guy. He actually wants to check your messages, and if possible, talk to the person on the line. Other times, he will ask you to put on the loudspeaker, not acknowledging that you have the right to privacy. If you analyze him critically, he thinks, or rather takes you as his asset. And because he owns you, your things belong to him as well. It is for this reason that he buys you gifts registered in his name e.g. your car. He basically wants to possess you, so when it comes to what property you are buying he will want to be in control. Note that there is a huge difference between staying close to someone and smothering them. You will feel suffocated with his love because he doesn’t give you time to breathe. As such, your development as a person becomes hampered because there is no business you can conduct without him getting involved. What a nuisance! He may not even have hidden motives such as trying to take away what you own; his intentions are to have you under his control. If there is one thing he cannot hide, it is his paranoia. He fears losing you that is why he needs to know everything going on in your life; from what business you are conducting to the next meeting you are attending.

4) You will never see a harsh critic like a controlling man

A manipulative friend is pretty tough. He will constantly pull you down as it makes him feel better about himself; knowing that he can play around with your emotions. If this sounds familiar, you better take a quick exit. Criticism can be a doomed activity as the critic shows nothing but bad faith every time he makes a judgment. A critic is a parasitic individual because he depends on what you do. Sometimes you could be suffering and all he can say is that you are reaping what you sow, instead of consoling you. It’s ironic that your lover can be a pain in the neck whenever he seems to focus on the negative side of your actions. The worse thing is that he doesn’t take time to recognize your good deeds. He is like an examiner who never wants to see you graduate. His criticisms are not constructive because he doesn’t provide solutions to your constraints. What he wants is for you to uphold his methods and ideas, and make you abandon yours; and so he will talk ill about your activities. He has a big ego and he wants to be the best always. In case you try to outdo him, he will make sure that he puts you down with harsh criticism.

5) A know-it-all-sign of a manipulator

A controlling man wants to be right all the time. He never lacks an opinion about anything. You point out that you want to take a business course and he suggests the best college for you, and if you disagree he will do anything to sway you. Worse yet, he will be so annoyed if you don’t comply with his suggestions. He will take away your entire freedom girl. Run for your life! You won’t believe what he thinks - that you cannot do something on your own and that you need him for guidance and intervention. As your friend or lover, he believes that he understands what is good for you, your job, and your family. He is so convinced that your goals will be accomplished with perfection only if he’s involved. His assumption is that your task will fail without his advice or involvement. For him to believe anything, he will need to see and will not trust your judgment, even though he claims to trust you. He continually disregards your side of the story because is the Mr. Know-it-all! He also believes that he is very dependable, may be due to his workaholic nature, and so he thinks that you need him so much. By the way, his intentions may be genuine because all he wants is to help even when you don’t need him. And he will become frustrated if you don’t understand this.

6) Craving things his way is a sign of a controlling man

Your mind is the greatest control mechanism and it works towards keeping you safe. As long as you know what’s going on around you, nobody can scare you. Bearing this in mind, your manipulative boyfriend wants to micromanage your life and will seem bothered when you don’t do things his way. He senses danger when you don’t follow his methods and for him to feel safe, he will impose rules so that you follow his ways of life. The fact that he wants things done his way stops him from developing or evolving. If he could, he would change the entire world you live in and manipulate those who are close to you just so his expectations are met. Isn’t it annoying that he makes you frustrated as well as other people around you? You will seem confused most of the times because your freedom is hindered. He makes you feel like you are losing your mind, while he is the person driving you to it! As if that’s not enough, he will make you feel sorry most of the times when things don’t turn out as he expected. So you will find yourself constantly apologizing for things you supposedly do incorrectly. He will ensure you feel as if all is your fault and keep you on the defensive while you don’t even understand what thing you did wrong.

7) Moody signs of a controlling man

Handling a controlling man is emotionally debilitating. Often your man will show signs of childishness when things go wrong. He just cannot get over it. There is nothing more boring than a guy who cannot hide his emotions. Moodiness is a key red flag of a domineering behavior. It means that the guy you are dating has bigger issues hidden in his heart. If you notice him alternating between joyfulness and coldness, know that he is a control freak. You never predict his moods and the problem is that you take the blame for his moods, not knowing exactly what you did to him. However, you shouldn’t feel guilty or try to please your temperamental man because it will only make you vulnerable and dejected. His temperaments are clear signs that he is not willing to confront his deeper issues and that’s why he will keep blaming you as a way of dealing with the bad feelings inside him. You need to know that it is not your fault that he is moody. He is his own problem because he doesn’t want to take responsibility for the psychological issues bothering him.

8) A controlling man exhibits signs of a narcissist

A narcissist is a self-absorbed person and sees himself as highly conceited. Many times, you will think that your intimate guy is in love with himself. What you may not know is that deep down inside him, he feels wounded and ugly. What signs will tell you that you are dealing with a narcissist? One of them is hoarding conversations: he likes to talk about himself without giving you a chance to participate in the talk. You end up struggling to have him listen to your opinions but all in vain. The other thing your narcissist friend will do is breaking rules. It is not unusual to catch him violating social standards. For instance, he will break the rules of traffic so that he may reach his destination as planned. Your boyfriend will also violate your boundaries once in a while. He has no regard for your principles, feelings or thoughts. He will overtake and use you without considering the promises he made to you, and shockingly, he expects preferential treatment from you! A narcissist has no respect for others and you shouldn’t be shocked if he defaults paying debts he owes. Is this someone you want to be with? Watch out for the red flags of an abusive relationship!

9) A controlling man's jealousy is unhealthy

There is nothing good about jealousy, but some levels of it are unhealthy. Keeping that in mind, there are red flags that a man has unhealthy jealousy - one that can corrode a lovely relationship and bring everything down. This type of jealousy is very real and you must not do anything to spark mistrusting feelings in him because he cannot control himself. This guy wants you alone and cannot get enough of your love and it feels good initially. He loves you so much that he wants you all to himself. However, he thinks that no one else can value you like he does. He cannot bear sharing you with another man and he insists spending all the time in his house. Does he always seem to suspect the worst of you? Then he is both jealous and controlling and for that matter, he will make sure that you are isolated from others who are sexual threats. This jealousy will make him behave in a manipulative and scary way. He will demand to see your texts and accuse you of flirting. If you see these signs, ask yourself where this relationship is headed.

10) Is he a perfectionist?

Perfectionists end up becoming control freaks particularly when they feel the need to use others. Manipulative men think of themselves as perfectionists who perform outstandingly in anything they undertake. The reason why he wants to stay in control is that he thinks he is the only one who can bear your burdens. And the bad news is that he doesn’t notice that he is a controlling man. Beware of this red flag to avoid future regrets.

Final thoughts on a controlling man

Why would you stay engaged to a manipulator? Are you scared that he will beat you up or that you will never find another man? You deserve better but it is not easy to pull yourself out of the obsessive guy in whom you have invested love, time, and efforts. If you have spotted any of the named red flags, you need to act quickly. It is of utmost importance that you know the basics of handling a controlling man. Here are a few tips you need. First of all, understand that his behavior is not out of possessiveness. If he cannot leave you with a bunch of friends at a dinner party, then he is not possessive about you. Here is the thing: he hates the idea of you being in a situation he cannot be in control. Most of the time, he’s not jealous because jealousy provokes different reactions from acts of manipulation. But once in a while, he will show signs of unhealthy jealousy. A jealous boyfriend can stop you from meeting other guys because he can’t stand seeing someone flirting with you, but a manipulative man will cut you out from all sorts of social interactions which are beyond his control e.g. he will prevent you from meeting your parents and female friends. The wisest way to deal with him is to stay calm. You need to know that your man is not in doubt of your capabilities or suspecting you of unfaithfulness; he is simply obsessive. He is like a doctor who treats patients with mental illnesses, so try to be tender.

Lol #relationshipissues #boychildstruggles

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Never try to argue with an obsessive man because their mentality is completely blind to logic. Your arguments, no matter how sensible they are, will be wasted. This guy you love cannot help how he behaves or feels and you will be annoyed most of the times. Losing your cool is not a good idea and you will only waste your time as well as energy. Now that you know the red flags of a manipulator, do a self-talk and find out if you truly love him enough to cope with his behavior. If your love is true, explain this to him constructively and seek a psychology therapist’s help. Otherwise, you don’t need to live under his control and you may walk away.

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