So He Cheated: How To Trust Your Boyfriend Again
Trusting your boyfriend especially after he lied or cheated can be an uphill task. But if you are committed to doing it, then there is nothing to stop you.
Jul 24, 2018
How to trust your boyfriend/husband again
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Learning how to trust your boyfriend or husband again especially after he lied or cheated can be an outright difficult experience. This is because you’ll feel extremely pained and your judgement will obviously be clouded. And for that matter, you’ll need to learn how to effectively cast the pain aside so that you can think both clearly as well as critically. Trust issues will only arise from your failure to contain the situation much earlier. But thankfully, after reading this, I’m confident that you won’t have to worry much because you’d have known how to effectively deal with the situation the moment you find yourself entangled in it. Sometimes, all you need to do is forgiving your boyfriend for betraying your trust. Other times, you’ll need to settle for a temporary breakup/separation in order to give him enough time and space to think about what he truly wants. Talking to him as his girlfriend can also be enough to take care of the trust issues once and for all. What I am saying is, consider taking some time off to ensure you’re critically analyzing your emotions. This will provide you with the possible reasons why he lied and ended up betraying your trust. The reason your boyfriend might have lied or cheated might be because you chose to shut him out emotionally. And if that’s the case, then you’ll have to forgive him and find effective ways of communicating and working on your relationship hence eliminating any trust issues. That is why you need to take some time and focus on finding the reason why he lied and betrayed your trust. And for that to happen, you’ll have to discipline your emotions and trust in whatever your conscience is trying to tell. Remember, your conscience is always right!
1. Listen to yourself before trusting your boyfriend again
Every relationship has had its fair share of ups and downs. And if lack of trust is the main issue, then you’ll have to think about how to rebuild it. Rebuilding your trust in your boyfriend is the only way the relationship will ever move forward. Trust is also a very delicate issue that has to be handled with a lot of care. Ask yourself this question: Is forgiving him really worth it? This might also be the best time for shelving your emotions which means thinking with your head and not with your heart. If he cheated or lied, you’ll need to ask yourself if the relationship was dying or your boyfriend just made a genuine mistake. More often than not, your boyfriend makes such mistakes not because he doesn’t love you but simply because he is human. And that explains why he’ll do just about anything to right his wrongs. If this happens to be the case, then you’ll have to trust your boyfriend even after he cheated on you as his girlfriend. If you let trust issues rule over you, then there’s absolutely no way you’ll ever trust anyone else, let alone your husband/boyfriend. Casting your emotions to the side after being cheated or lied on can be difficult. But once you’ve managed to do so, your inner voice will become much clearer and you’ll definitely know what to do. Listen to it!
2. Trust and talk to your boyfriend a lot more
Once you have decided on taking your boyfriend back again, you’ll have to learn how to open up to him more. As earlier stated, your boyfriend might have lied or cheated because he felt emotionally left out. Your boyfriend might also have betrayed your trust and cheated because the other woman was always listening to his problems while you were busy ignoring him. Whether communication was the problem or not, it’s very important for you to learn how to communicate to him! Even if you were already communicating, try communicating some more. Talking will not only make your relationship stronger but will also make it a tad easier for your boyfriend to express himself. And this will translate to fewer chances of cheating or betraying of trust. Again, I perfectly understand how difficult it is for you to trust someone who just cheated and betrayed you. But once you’ve taken the initiative like a grown woman and analyzed the reasons behind his betrayal, trusting him again will be much easier. Remember to always start with the simple topics that will ease him into having a conversation with you. Your boyfriend will be much more appreciative when you make an effort to patch things up especially after he cheated and broke your trust. Doing this will also make him a much more responsible boyfriend since he wouldn’t want to end up losing such a beautiful, mature woman! It would also be a great idea for you to try to make him open up as early as you can. Don’t wait until your boyfriend has lied or cheated on you before you start initiating conversations. Remember, prevention is always better than cure.
3. Forgive and start trusting your boyfriend again
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Being the mature girlfriend that you are, you’ll need to embrace the fact that everyone, including your boyfriend, makes mistakes. Therefore, after taking enough time to analyze the kind of relationship you and your boyfriend have and found out where he went wrong, you can decide to forgive him and move on, even after he lied or cheated. Forgiving, for the sake of the relationship, is way better than having issues and constantly fighting with your boyfriend/husband over his cheating ways. Again, forgiving is easier said than done. But after realizing that forgiveness will do you more good than your boyfriend, you’ll do all in your power to forgive him, take him back and moving on to much better things. Also, forgiveness not only shows how you are mature but also how serious you are as a person. This will make you a trusted partner who strives to be in a happy relationship. You’ll also learn that the more you learn to forgive, the stronger your trust will become. And even if the relationship wasn’t meant to be, you’ll easily move on to the next one with a big smile on your face knowing that you did nothing but the very best. Like I said, forgiving and trusting after being lied to or cheated on is easier said than done. Therefore, you’ll have to learn how to forgive him for the petty mistakes he committed way before he lied or cheated. Then when you are ready to face the major cause of the trust issues you are having, you’ll be psychologically and emotionally prepared to forgive him and trust him once more. But before forgiving and taking your boyfriend back, you’ll need to make it clear that you are giving him the last chance. Your boyfriend should know that if he ever betrayed your trust, cheated or lied ever again, the relationship will bite the dust.
4. In order to trust your boyfriend again, avoid paranoia
I understand how paranoid a woman can be especially after her boyfriend or husband lied or cheated on her. Unfortunately, paranoia opens the door to trust issues and if not checked much earlier, can result in long-term trust issues and even breed pure hatred for all men. And it goes without saying that such kind of hatred will not only affect your love life but your life in general. Therefore, the first thing you need to do after realizing that your boyfriend just cheated on you is downplaying any form paranoia creeping into your life. You can do so by avoiding any thoughts of the cheating incident once you have forgiven and taken him back. Don’t ask for his social media account and phone passwords or try cutting down his freedoms. Just accept that your boyfriend slipped up and take his word that he will never cheat again. Doing this will also show him that you are a high-quality woman, who doesn’t waste her time dwelling in the past! And since this is very few high-quality women nowadays, your boyfriend will avoid cheating - or die to try - since he’d never want to lose you to another man. And that’s how you’ll manage to get rid of any bits of trust issues lingering between you and your boyfriend/husband hence saving your relationship. And just like it’s the case with forgiveness, ridding your relationship of paranoia takes time and a lot of practice. But if many other girlfriends who came before you have managed to do so, I don’t really see why you can’t do the same. Just take things one step at a time and you’ll do just fine! You are stronger than you’ll ever know.
5. Be confident enough to forgive & trust your boyfriend
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Lack of confidence has been responsible for ruining a lot of peoples’ relationships and lives in general. That explains why most girls end up crushed the moment they find out their boyfriends/husbands lied or cheated on them. But with the required confidence, you will have neither the time nor the interest in engaging in self-pity. Since you are a normal human just like the rest of us, you’ll end up hurting a little. But that shouldn’t be reason enough for you to give up on life. To avoid getting crushed, you’ll need to cultivate your confidence not only for the sake of your relationship but also for yourself as a high-quality individual. Be confident in everything you did for the sake of the relationship. That way, you’ll not beat yourself up for not doing enough when the relationship bites the dust. Be confident that your boyfriend has learned his lesson and will never make the same mistake ever again. The good thing about real confidence is that it’s very contagious. Therefore, if you choose to forgive him and move on with your life, you’ll have absolutely nothing to worry about which in turn makes the forgiveness quite easy. With confidence, you’ll easily learn to trust boyfriend/husband again after he cheated. This is because you’ll be confident in your decision to kick him to the curb if he dares repeat the same mistake. And if you are super confident about taking him back, you won’t even have to reiterate what will happen if he cheated or lied again, he’ll just know it. For you to be this confident, you’ll first of all need to learn how to accept yourself for who you are. Also, you’ll have to be fully aware of what you want to gain from the relationship with your boyfriend. And that, my dear ladies, takes time and practice.
6. Trust your boyfriend but don’t forget his deed
As his girlfriend/wife, you’ll to show your boyfriend/husband that trust is earned. Therefore, you’ll be expected to forgive him never forget what he did. That way, your boyfriend will do just about anything to win back your trust without you ever lifting a finger. Thankfully, you can always find different ways of making your boyfriend earn your trust the hard way. You don’t have to necessarily rub it in his face for him to work hard and win your trust. Just letting him know from the very beginning that you forgave him but won’t forget is enough to make him work toward building the trust he violated. Therefore, make him understand that he’ll need to work hard to win your trust back is all you’ll be required to do. And if he’s serious about the second chance you entrusted to him as your boyfriend despite the cheating, he’ll do all in his power to rebuild the trust and the relationship as well. Once you’ve made your stand crystal clear, it’ll be time to cast your trust issues aside and rebuild your relationship. Do this and you won’t have to worry about your boyfriend/husband repeating the same mistake of breaking your heart and trust like he did when he lied or cheated. If he is smart, he’ll strive to do better with the second chance you so generously gave him. All you need to do is make him work for it and he’ll see the writing on the wall. Also, remember to focus on other things that build and add value to you as an individual. The more you focus on yourself, the more he’ll work in order to regain the trust hence resulting in a much stronger relationship. At the end of the day, trust issues will only creep into your relationship if you let them.
7. Make your boyfriend work and build the trust
Just like it takes two to tango, trust in any relationship has to come from both sides. This means that if your boyfriend lied or cheated, resulting in the trust issues your relationship is experiencing, he’ll have to be held accountable. That said, he’ll have no other choice but to work to the bone in order to rebuild the trust that he broke. If he works hard enough, he’ll learn his lesson and never cheat on you again. As a bonus, you should never expect your boyfriend to ever think of replacing you as his girlfriend, not even when Beyoncé slides into his DMs. This is because he’ll realize just how much of a good quality woman you are and that he was a fool to have cheated or lied. You can start by making him sleep on the couch for a couple of weeks. You can also stop responding to his chats or comment on his social media platforms, or both. Heck, you can even decide on going out with your girlfriends and having fun without him for a while. The idea is to let him know that he messed up big time and he needs to be reminded that you can live without him. Doing all the above should give him the idea that he has to work hard and win your trust without you even telling him. That’s how you get him to never think about cheating on you while working hard to win your trust back. Once you effectively do this, working on killing your trust issues will be much easier. In the end, you’ll absolutely nothing robbing you of your joy.
8. Let it go
It is always shrewd to learn how to let go of the pain and hurt especially after your boyfriend/husband broke your trust when he cheated or lied. Holding on to the pain will not only exacerbate your trust issues but won’t help you solve anything. If anything, the pain will only make you much more fragile and with unnecessary trust issues. Therefore, you should try and let go of the pain no matter how difficult that may seem. The first step towards letting go is simply accepting that everyone makes mistakes. The fact is you’ve also made mistakes before and your boyfriend forgave you. And this is irrespective of how big or small the mistakes were. Having this kind of mentality is exactly what will make forgiving your boyfriend and rebuild the trust in your relationship a tad easier. But before letting go and embarking on rebuilding your trust, you’ll need to have a sit down with your boyfriend and agree on a few things. Doing this will indeed be an uphill task. But it is a rather small price to pay especially when it comes to trusting your boyfriend again. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person in order for the relationship to go back to where it initially was before the betrayal. If you train yourself to let go of things as gracefully as possible, then everything will find a way of working in your favor. Once you’ve talked about the trust issues between you and your boyfriend, then you can forgive him and finally let go. But make sure he knows there will be consequences and that he’ll have to earn your trust all over again. That’ll teach him and be a constant reminder that the moment he breaks your heart again, he’ll lose your trust and this time, it will be for good. Now that we’ve talked about the 8 things you’ll need to do in order to trust your boyfriend after he lied or cheated on you, here are three things you should avoid doing:
1. Trust your boyfriend and stop being clingy
I totally understand difficult not doubting yourself is especially when the trust issues come knocking. Your self-worth is likely to become blurry to you and if you aren’t careful, trust issues will likely make you a little if not way too clingy. I don’t have to tell you just how unsexy being clingy looks. Being clingy will only give your boyfriend/husband the impression that breaking your trust wasn’t such a big thing in the first place. And that’s how a man ends up feeling entitled in a relationship where breaking your trust over and over again is likely to become a norm. Therefore, if your boyfriend ever cheated, lied or broke the trust in your relationship for whatever reason, demand your need for space. Then dedicate your alone time to doing constructive activities that don’t involve thinking about how your boyfriend broke your trust. That way, he’ll be the one feeling guilty for breaking the trust in your relationship and that’ll push him to work like clockwork trying to repair the damage. As I mentioned earlier, trust in any relationship is but a two-way traffic. Therefore, if your boyfriend broke your trust, he ought to be held responsible for crippling the relationship - because that’s what becomes of a relationship without trust, crippled. In other words, he’ll need to put in way more work into building the trust lost in the relationship. And once he is done his part, you’ll decide whether to take him back or not. And all this can only be possible if you avoid being clingy.
2. Don’t blame yourself for his mistakes
The moment your boyfriend lied or cheated, bringing the trust issues right at your relationship’s doorstep, he made a made a mistake that you’ll need to hold him responsible for. Sadly, a good number of stressed out girlfriends always end up blaming themselves for pushing their boyfriends to cheat and break the trust in their relationships. That’s a huge miscalculation that any grown woman should never, ever make. If you sad or did something he dislikes, your boyfriend is supposed to be vocal about it rather than choosing to break your trust by cheating. This means that if your boyfriend/husband cheats and breaks your trust, for whatever reason, then that’s on him and not you. In other words, your boyfriend/husband should be the one who needs to work hard to win your trust when he cheats and not the other way around. Therefore, don’t be afraid to remind him that the trust issues in your relationship came about when he cheated or lied. Then you should ask him for space and move on with your life as though he didn’t exist. Do this and if your boyfriend truly loves you, he’ll do just about anything to win you, your trust and your love back. If he doesn’t, then trust me when I say you are better off on your own. In short, never allow such people or situations give you neither heartaches nor trust issues. In other words, putting your trust your awesomeness will always keep the trust issues at bay, let alone blaming yourself for your boyfriend/husband’s mistakes.
3. Don’t cheat on him as payback
Whether your boyfriend/husband cheated or lied, it would really be absurd for you to return the favor for sake of revenge. Why? Because you are bigger than the pain and betrayal you are experiencing at the time. In other words, don’t make trust issues drive you into stooping as low as your boyfriend/husband did. Yes, you might feel your trust betrayed. But you won’t get your trust back by doing the same thing your boyfriend did. Instead, you’ll need to trust in the process and allow yourself to feel the pain for the sake of your personal growth. Then once your mind isn’t clouded by a cyclone of emotions, you can think about the future of your relationship. If you decide to give the relationship a try, then, by all means, make him work towards earning your trust. If you don’t make him work and earn your trust then he won’t value it at all. Learn to avoid the urge to cheating by engaging in constructive activities while putting your trust in the process. Once your boyfriend has worked overtime and finally earned your trust again, it would be a really good time to move on from the incident and be happy. Learn to let go because failure to do so will only suck the joy out of your relationship and your life in general. Don’t let your trust issues ruin you by making you forget who you were born to be – a queen.
A final word on trusting your boyfriend again
There are many reasons for you to take your boyfriend/husband back especially after he lied or cheated and broke your trust. But irrespective of what your reasons for taking him back after betraying your trust are, always make him work for it. Lessons have to be learned so as to prevent him from even thinking about breaking your trust in future. Feel free to use the above-mentioned tips on how to trust your boyfriend again. And if they don’t work out for you, don’t worry. You can always find other ways of gaining some trust in your relationship.