Jealousy is not the answer
Jealousy is an emotion that most — if not all — of us have felt at times: the moment your baby sibling was born, and now you're expected to share everything with him or her; the moment your friend got a brand new bike, and you still have a bike with one pedal; the moment you noticed your girlfriend chatting with her male coworker, while he stared, making deep eye contact. Ugh! Jealousy seems to happen without a moment's notice, and it can be so hard to control. At times, we may not even realize our jealous nature until we are put to the test. And what test will better show our tendencies to jealousy than being in a relationship? While in a relationship, especially a new one, there is a very high tendency to become jealous over many things: jealous over your girlfriend and her past, jealous over your girlfriend and her male best friend, and maybe even jealous of the way guys look at your girlfriend. This is all understandable. You are in a new relationship, with a new partner, and you're not sure of her intentions at the moment. However, jealousy is not the answer. In fact, if you have future plans with this new (or familiar) girlfriend, and you are constantly overly jealous, then expect those plans and your girlfriend to be on the first flight out of your life, because trust has no chance against your overbearing ways and you will likely push her away. So, how do we set aside our jealousy and show our girlfriends that we trust them? Well, luckily for all of us, there is more than one way to show that we trust our girlfriends. Practice the following tips on a daily basis, and you will notice the stress of jealousy leaving your relationship and the joys of trust taking its place.
Understand Your Girlfriend
Thanks to social media, and the many dating apps we have at our fingertips, we can have a better understanding of a person before we even meet them, making that dreadful first date a little less awkward. Then, if the date goes well, the usual thing to do is to meet up again. This allows you to get to know this potential partner a bit more each date, earning trust as you go along. This pattern continues until you take that next step, and begin seriously dating: this is when that jealous nature that many guys have creeps in, and trusting someone becomes that much harder. A very common reason for this is because we lack an understanding of who our girlfriend is and especially where she is coming from. Yes, you may know her favorite color, her favorite food, and maybe even a few small secrets. But how much do you really know about her past? If the answer to that question is not a lot, then it may be time to try to understand your girlfriend a bit more. Understanding your girlfriend can allow trust to grow, and jealousy to go.
Understand what personality your girlfriend has
There are many personalities that an individual can have and your girlfriend is no different. Her personality may be a cause of some of your jealous feelings. It may even be what's holding your trust back. Don't allow that. Perhaps, she is a highly social individual and loves to interact with anyone and everyone. This does not mean that she is sneaking around getting every guy's digits when she goes out. Nor does it mean she wants to. She just enjoys socializing. Maybe your girlfriend has a very strong, intimidating personality, and at times, she just wants to enjoy some alone time. If that's the case, don't panic. She is an independent individual and may just be reading a book; she's most likely not doing what your jealous brain may be thinking. Just breathe and trust the amazing girl that you have in your life.
Understand her past
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Taking the time to learn about her past can be scary for a guy: How many partners has she had? What kind of sexual experience does she have? Has she ever cheated on anyone? These questions may sound strange to women, but in a guy's head, it may make perfect sense. Now, this isn't to say that you should randomly throw these questions on the table one fine evening. But at the same time, don't be nervous to ask these questions when the time is right. For example, let's say you are strolling down the street one day, hand-in-hand, and all of a sudden, she drops your hand and runs toward a guy you've never met in your life. Don't panic. Talk to her. Ask her who that was, but ask her in a way that shows you're curious, and most importantly, not jealous. That small conversation will help both of you. It will show her that you have trust in her, and it will give you peace of mind when you realize that it was just a cousin. The more you understand your girlfriend, the less jealousy you will feel, and your trust for her will continue to grow stronger,
Trust or jealousy: choose trust
Telling her the truth one time will not create trust in your relationship, although it is a great start. Trust is something that is built over time: the more you show trust, the more your girlfriend will open up to you. On the other hand, if you show your jealous nature, it will do the opposite, and dissolve the trust you have worked hard to build.
Communication builds trust
Communication! Look this word up in a dictionary, and it very well may say "a guy's worst nightmare". Most males do not enjoy the idea of communication. We want to bury our feelings until we find a nice wall to smash — anything but communication, please. Regardless of this reluctance, we have to communicate if we want to show our girlfriends that we trust them. If you're jealous — tell her. Explain why you are jealous, and talk to her about your feelings on the situation that made you jealous. Yes, feelings. You can talk about them and still be a man. The truth is, maybe she was doing something that shouldn't be going on in a healthy relationship. But, what is being jealous and aloof going to fix? Nothing. Talk to her in a respectful way, and the chances of earning her trust will skyrocket.
Actions speak volumes
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Communication is a great way to build trust and remove jealousy. But it's not always enough. Sometimes, you will need to show her that you trust her as well. This can be very difficult at times if you're not normally an expressive person. It's a Saturday night, you're engaging in some Netflix and chill with your partner, and her phone rings. You listen intently from a distance as she nods her head in excitement. She hangs up and explains all her friends are going out tonight. What do you do? You, of course, ask who's going. She goes on and on with a list of names, finishing with one of her old guy friends from years ago. This is where your mind begins to wander. All you can think about is this guy that will be there. Just breathe. Trust in your girlfriend, and show her that you don't mind that she goes out tonight. She will be shocked (in a good way) that you don't mind, and she will be much more happy about going out. She'll probably text you once she's there, and it will be the best feeling ever! Any signs of jealous intent will be gone, and trust will sit at the top of your mind — right where it should be.
Don't assume the worst
There is so much information the media shows on the negative side of relationships, mainly regarding cheating and breakups. Every TV show or movie about a relationship seems to involve breakups, cheating, and other betrayals of trust. It's no reason why we find it so hard to trust our significant other. Search relationship on Google, and see how many sites are positive and encourage trust — not many. This information will begin to turn your thoughts toward the worst possible scenarios, and trust is as good as gone. We've all been there: Oh no, it's been five minutes and my girlfriend hasn't responded to my text! She's out late, that must mean she's cheating on me. These types of thoughts can be extremely tiresome. Here's a tip: don't think that way. Do not assume the worst! If you always assume the worst, trust becomes that much harder to find.
This is real life, not fiction
There is good news! Your girlfriend is not one of those fictional characters on TV. Your relationship is real, and that means you have real feelings for each other. You're not acting, or at least you shouldn't be. What does that mean? Simple. It means that you should not assume that your girlfriend is out cheating on you, just because the girl in your favorite movie is. Give your girlfriend the trust she deserves, do not assume the worst, and again, breathe and relax. Do this, and not only will you feel better, but your jealous thoughts will go away, and trust will enter the picture.
You must be willing to trust your girlfriend
An overly jealous partner is one that tends to feel insecure or scared. You're not alone in this respect. Most people have some level of these feelings, some more than others. There are people who have had rough relationships in the past: some have felt the hurt of being cheated on; some have felt the pain of being lied to; some have felt things that others may not be able to imagine. This makes it hard to trust again. No matter what the case, we all have this jealous tendency that loves to tag along within a relationship, and could eventually destroy it. That's what makes trust so difficult in a relationship. You're entering this new experience with baggage from your life, and that baggage tells you to build a wall so that you have no chance of being hurt. Well, if you build that wall too high, no one will be able to climb over it, and you may miss out on someone special. To be ready for a relationship means that you need to be ready to trust, or at least try. Of course, there will be challenges, but with trust, those challenges will seem less difficult. So, when you feel that jealous tension creeping up your spine, don't panic. Just breathe and try to open the door in the wall.