Relationship Help: 8 ways to overcome Love Obstacles

If you are in a relationship, there will be some rough patches.  This is completely normal.  People are not usually attracted to someone just like themselves.  The saying that "opposites attract" exists because it is true.

Once the honeymoon phase of your relationship has passed, you and your partner are going to disagree about some things. You need to know how to combat some of these obstacles.  These are the types of relationship problems that most couples face.

1. Spending Habits
2. Chores
3. Dishonesty
4. Intimacy
5. Boundaries
6. Family
7. Quality Time
8. Communication

Money is the number one issue that couples fight over.  It usually occurs when partners have different spending habits.  If one person is a saver and the other is a spender; it leads to resentment and conflict. 

The way to resolve conflicting spending habits is to first figure out what you spend your money on.  You can both track your expenses for a month to see where the money goes.  Then sit together to review how much money goes towards legitimate expenses such as commuting expenses, rent, groceries versus how much money is spent on eating out and entertainment.   Why is this important?

You may think your partner spends money frivolously because you each take $300 out at the ATM the first of the month and by the 6th day, they are asking you for money.  You both had the same allowance, and yet their money is gone so you may be resentful. However, when you see that their monthly train pass costs $268.00, you can understand why they need money by the end of the week.

Make a plan together on how your money should be spent and saved.  If the spender wants to buy a big ticket item, the saver should encourage them to budget for the purchase. Put xx dollars aside each week and then in one month or two, there will be enough for that big-ticket item.  This helps the spender see the advantage of saving.

The key takeaway here is that the couple needs to communicate so that the resentment doesn't build up.  

Chores are pretty high on the relationship conflict scale especially when there appears to be an unequal distribution of the chores.  If you share a home; you need to share the chores.  It really is that simple.  Anger builds when one partner feels that they are doing all of the drudgeries while the other partner is sitting around watching tv.  

I'm not saying that chores need to be split 50-50, but it should not be lopsided, especially if you both are employed full time.  Again, it is best to discuss who should take care of each specific chore before things fester.  If your wife cooks dinner, you should do the dishes.  And if you have a dishwasher, you should empty it and put the dishes away. 
 

There are probably some chores that you can do together.  This makes the chore get done quicker, and you will probably have a few laughs as well.  Raking leaves or doing other yardwork can be fun when done with your partner.  Food shopping and cooking can also be a bonding experience.  

Let's be honest  We all lie.  Maybe it's a little white lie you tell.  No one really wants to hear that they look fat when they ask, "Does this shirt make me look fat?" But, we are not discussing the little white lies.  Dishonesty over important concerns are hard to get past, but it can be done.  

If your wife told you she had a college degree and then you later find out she never graduated from high school, you will wonder what else she has lied to you about. Does your partner make up lies about accolades he gets at work, but in reality that never happens? 

What you need to do is get to the reason your partner is being dishonest.  You have to try to find out why he has a need to feel important.  Maybe your wife lied about getting her degree because she always felt insecure about not having one and didn't want you to think less of her.  You will need to communicate with your partner to figure out why the lying occurs.  You will have to build their confidence and little by little, you should see improvement in the relationship.  

If cheating is the issue, you are probably going to need the help of an unbiased third party such as a counselor to help you understand what happened and why.  When one partner cheats, there are usually underlying issues in the relationship. She feels unappreciated. He thinks you give all your attention to the kids and nothing is left for him.

A counselor can help you sort out your feelings and ultimately help you decide whether you can forgive your partner.  You may be able to forgive, but how can you regain the lost trust?  Trust can only be built back up over time and by taking little steps.  There has to be a desire by both partners to make the relationship work in order for it to be successful. 

Believe it or not, some couples fight over intimacy, and intimacy is not just about sex.  Intimacy is about a loving touch, a kiss goodnight or goodbye, holding hands or a caress of the face.  You may be asking yourself, "how could anyone fight over intimacy?" That is a good question, and it occurs because one partner doesn't offer or give it.

We are all busy and a little stressed out by work, school, kids and life in general, but you have to remember that you are with your partner for a reason...You love each other, right? Well, you need to show your partner that you care.  Even when you are knee deep in puppy puke, a caress across your back is a reminder that you aren't alone. You two are in this mess together. 

Give your partner a hug or a kiss for no reason.  When he is having a meltdown about something that went wrong, throw your arms around him and hug him.  It's a reminder that he is loved and you are by his side. 

Intimacy is also about sex. If you have been together for a while, the bloom may be off the rose, but it doesn't mean it's dead.  If you want sex, ask for it!  Let your partner know that you are still interested in that part of your relationship.  It may not be as spontaneous as it used to be, but you can plan for your sexy evening. Get all dressed up and go dancing.  Send the kids to grandma for the weekend and have breakfast in bed.  You are only limited by your imagination.

Some relationships suffer when boundaries are crossed.  Is your boyfriend possessive or controlling?  Does your girlfriend grab your phone and read your text messages? These issues can lead to serious relationship problems, so you must set boundaries so that you can have a healthy relationship with your partner. 

For instance, imagine that your husband opened all the mail that was addressed to you. It would feel like an extreme invasion of privacy. What if the reason behind that was due to the fact that your husband's family had done the same thing in their household? Would that valid as a good reason to forgive? Communication is key here, and we're sure if you have communicated your thoughts amicably, your partner should understand your point of view and in turn respect your privacy.  But if you didn't share with him, he probably wouldn't know!

Your partner doesn't have the right to demand to see your phone texts or emails.  You need to explain why it makes you uncomfortable, and you can ask why they have such a need to see this information.  They should have no reason not to trust you.  You have a right to privacy, and you need to let your partner know that it isn't okay for them to try to control your life.  This is not negotiable. Healthy boundaries = healthy relationship.

When you are in a relationship, your partner has a family and like it or not, they become part of yours.  You may not get along with your partner's parents or siblings, but you will have to make it work because he loves those people.  You do not have to adore them, but you do have to be civil, even if they are not.  However, your partner needs to have your back and should put his family in their place when/ if it is necessary.

You can alternate whose family you spend the holidays with so that it isn't always his family or your family.  If things with your partner's family are intolerable, you can just let him see them without you.  This is a workable resolution for everyone.  If it is a holiday, your partner can visit his family in the morning and then spend the rest of the day with you and your family.  It's a win-win for everyone.

The quality of time you spend with each other is more important than the amount of time you are with each other.  If the only time you are with each other is when you are sitting in front of the boob tube watching hours of television, you have a problem.  Sure, you can watch tv with each other, but that is not quality time. 

Quality time is when you and your partner have each other's undivided attention.  The kids aren't clamoring for lunch and the dogs aren't pushing your hand begging to be pet.  It is just you and your partner and you are talking about "whatever," and you are intent on being fully engaged and in the moment.  
 

Whatever it is you two are discussing, you are making your partner feel as if they are the most important person in the world.  This is critical because we all want to be heard and feel as if someone cares about what we are thinking.   It is a way to really connect to your partner and show that you care.

The root of nearly all relationship obstacles is communication.  No matter what type of relationship you have, whether it is a dating, marriage or friendship, you can always improve your relationship by communicating more effectively. 

Communication is the key to having a healthy and happy relationship.  Your partner is not a mind reader.  If you are unhappy; let them know what they are doing (or not doing) that is making you angry.  If you love each other, be happy that your partner cares enough to communicate with you to make your relationship better.

Communication doesn't come naturally to everyone.  If you need help, there are plenty of books out there that can make it easier for you.  These books are some of the most popular relationship help books that can guide you and your partner to a better relationship.

No More Fighting is a great book for couples to go read together because it has quick exercises for both of you to do.  Then you spend time discussing the exercises which fosters intimacy and a better relationship with your partner.

Relationships are hard, but Mindful Relationship Habits makes it easier for you.  There are tips and suggestions for you to employ that will improve your relationship.  One tip given in the book is to plan a weekly meeting with your partner.  This is an opportunity for you to connect with them on a meaningful level and relates to quality time. 

Every engaged couple should be given a copy of this book.  It can be used to avoid relationship pitfalls and is a must read.

If money is the primary obstacle that you fight over, this is the book for you.  It will enhance your communication skills and teach you how to discuss money with your partner in such a way that everyone feels as if they have won.

If you are in any type of relationship, there will be conflict.  The key is learning how to effectively communicate with your partner without actually fighting.

All relationships ebb and flow.  You will run into obstacles over the course of time you are together, but if you keep open the lines of communication, you will be able to weather the storm together.