Understanding the Differences between Relationship vs. Dating

It used to be so simple; Boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Unfortunately in today’s technologically driven dating world, things aren’t quite so cut and dry. At what point do you delete that Tinder profile and commit exclusively to the person you’re seeing? What does it even mean to be in a relationship with someone nowadays? Let’s look at the differences between “just dating” and “being in a relationship” and you can decide if you’re ready for the real commitment or if you’re just not ready to swipe left on the single lifestyle.

When casually dating someone, you are getting to know them as a person, learning their likes and dislikes and if you think that person would potentially make a good partner for you. During this phase of casual dating, it is not uncommon to balance your new romance with time spent with friends, personal time for hobbies or chores, work and family responsibilities. Once you’ve made the decision to be exclusive and committed, there is usually a shift in your priorities. You begin to want to integrate your partner into the aspects of your life that you used to keep separate from them. Instead of being a lone wolf, you became a team and want to share the details of your life with that person, from the exciting ones to the mundane things.

When you’re in a committed relationship with someone, there is usually an implication of a future together in some respect. Unlike dating, which is in no way a guarantee of any kind of future together, a real relationship is geared towards building a life together. It may be a slow progression towards a deeper commitment, but the forward momentum needs to be there.

It’s not uncommon nowadays for someone to date multiple people while trying to find the right partner. There’s nothing wrong with “shopping around” for your perfect fit. Once you’ve made the step towards being in a relationship however, most people agree on complete exclusivity. If you and the person you’re seeing are exclusive with one another, the odds are you’re already in a relationship or well on your way there.

When most couples make the move from dating to relationship there is a mutual agreement of exclusivity. That doesn’t work for everybody though. Some people want the committed partnership of a relationship while maintaining certain freedom that single people enjoy. Basically, an open relationship is when both parties in a relationship agree to casually date other people while continuing to enjoy the benefits of having a boyfriend or girlfriend.
 

This certainly isn’t the right kind of relationship for everybody. Being in an open relationship requires an immense amount of trust and excellent communication. If you keep those things in mind and are respectful of your partners’ needs and emotions, it’s certainly possible to have a happy, healthy open relationship.

At first glance, it may appear that there is no real difference between exclusively dating someone and being in an exclusive relationship (like boyfriend or girlfriend). In reality there is a very distinct difference between the two. Think of exclusive dating as the precursor to an exclusive relationship. When you exclusively date someone there is usually the unspoken understanding that this is a sort of “audition” for the real thing. During this trial run, so to speak, you get to know one another on a more intimate level. This is typically done in an attempt to confirm what you already suspect, that this person would make a good partner for you. You’ve made the agreement not to see other people, but you haven’t quite made the jump to major commitment.
 

Once you’ve successfully made it through all the early stages of dating and decide to truly commit to your new partner, what kind of changes can be expected? How will this be different from just exclusive dating? Typically, once you’ve made the commitment to be in a real relationship with a person there is an implied understanding that this relationship is leading towards an even greater commitment in the future. As opposed to when you’re exclusive dating and you’re in the period of getting to know one another, once in a relationship you’ve basically said, “I know this person, I like this person and I want to be with this person for the foreseeable future.”       
 

Think of exclusive dating as the thirty-day free trial before you commit to a service and a committed relationship is like pre-paying for a year’s subscription. 

So you’ve made it this far, you’re in a relationship with the guy or gal that you fancy. That’s it, right? No more confusing relationship steps to try and figure out! We can live happily ever after, right? Wrong. Just because you’ve made the jump to relationship doesn’t mean there isn’t work left to be done.

Many new relationships crumble and fail in the early stages. Even though you’ve spent time getting to know one another, there is still much to learn once you’ve begun integrating that person into the more intimate details of your daily life. How do they fit in with your friends and family? Are they irresponsible with their money? How do they behave in a crisis and handle an emergency? You may think you’ve found the perfect partner, gotten to that next level of commitment, only to discover they put toilet paper on the roll the wrong way. That’s a deal breaker!
 

Once you’ve gotten past these stages of learning more intimate details about your partner things will start to change. You’ll depend on one another, support one another. You’ll be there to help each other with problems that arise. You may even move in together and merge finances. At this point it’s certainly safe to say that you’re in a long term relationship. You feel certain that you want to build a future with his person and are confident that they feel the same way about you. Maybe you begin talking about marriage. Maybe you decide that you want to start a family. Or maybe you make the most important commitment of all and get a dog! However you choose to express it, what you’re saying at this point is that you love this person.

You feel like you know enough about who they are and how they treat you to declare that you want to be with them, and only them, regardless of their flaws. This doesn’t mean the relationship is immune to hardships. What it does mean is that you’ve chosen to weather any storm with your partner. You’ve come to the conclusion that being with them is worth any hardship that may come your way.

We’ve discussed a lot of different kinds of relationships and the levels in between, so how do you know which one is right for you? Each of the stages of relationships that we’ve discussed here has their own merits as well as drawbacks. First, you have to ask yourself what you are ready for. Have you just gotten out of something long term? Maybe casual dating is what’s right for you then. Give yourself time to see what is out there, meet different types of people and have fun being single.
 

Perhaps you’ve spent some time on yourself recently. You’ve really figured out what is that you’re looking for in a relationship. You fully understand your own needs and have appropriate expectations, but most importantly you know yourself and what you deserve. It may be just the right time for you to begin looking for a serious committed relationship. Then, of course, there is always the couple that has been in a long term relationship or is just starting one but isn't fully satisfied. They love each other and don’t want to break up, but are just looking for something more. An open relationship may be just the thing for them to try. 

Regardless of where you are in your life and what kind of relationship you are seeking, communication with your partner is of the utmost importance. If you don’t know where you stand with your special someone, ask! Just remember if you don’t like the answer it is up to you to make a change. Don’t expect anyone to leave their comfort zone just to meet your needs. Learn to meet your own needs and then find someone special that respects you and appreciates the work you’ve done on yourself.