12 Best Advices on how to save your marriage from failing

Marriage is a beautiful thing that should be celebrated and enjoyed. You have met your #foreverlove and looking forward to the rest of your life. However, sometimes things don't work out exactly how you pictured them and you and your love are growing apart by the day and you're not so sure about forever anymore. 

Below are some tips you can work on to save the marriage:

Babies are a blessing but most couples tend to lose the focus on each other once the babies start rolling in and all the love and attention is shifted to them. Here are some tips to help you overcome this curveball or take preventive measures once your little bundle of joy comes around.

First, it was the unbreakable love between you and your boo that led to the wonderful creation you're now holding. Check in on your hubby and remind just how much you love and appreciate him and he's still the center of your universe. The little things; a kiss here, a smile there, a naughty smack here and a flirty text when he least expects it ought to get the message home.

You're doing great because you make time for your love but your baby hijacks the entire conversation. To keep this very annoying habit from completely ruining your alone time, schedule time when you and your partner have a meeting to discuss all your household activities and updates including those of your baby. This way, any time you have for each other will be for just you two to do and talk about what you like.

I don't think we need to tell you but yeah... Your sex life is pretty important but because there's no more time, between running all day doing chores and staying up all night with your kid, the sex department is crumbling. Plan for sex. I know most people think that's lame but think about it, you used to plan for sex when you dated so this time should be no different. When you plan you think about it and you prepare. Also, flirt with your partner throughout the day to get you both in the mood and then tear it up later.

Talking of sexy time, keep your bedroom free of baby stuff during this time. Nothing kills the mood like accidentally setting off a baby toy while you baby love are getting hot and heavy. Keep your bedroom free of any baby stuff during sleep time to keep this embarassing mood killer from happenning.

Chores go up by 500% with the coming of a new baby and the increased workload. This leads to a feeling of resentment towards partners especially one feels like they are pulling in more weight leading to bickering and disagreements and pulling apart from each other. To deal with this problem, create a time schedule and divide all house chores between you and your partner so each one knows their part to play well in time. 

You might think that you need to be spending all your time together with your honey raising your child and might even grow irritated if your partner keeps asking for alone. Time apart doing what you both love separately is a great way to decompress and take a break from the new routine. Things will feel a little less crazy and you'll both be better at supporting each other in your new role.

Forgiving your partner and moving on after an affair is possible but it will require a lot of work and soul-wrenching distress. Allowing the hurt and sadness and anger to take over while you heal is important but don't let it fester. Positive negative feelings are the key to your healing process and ultimately forgiveness and moving forward in your marriage.

Infidelity is not what breaks a marriage... It's the partners' reaction after the fact that leads to separation. Reacting to the situation with Negative emotions like deep and hurt might lead you to make decisions based on what you're feeling then. Be sad and angry too but don't let the emotions control your decisions on the fate of the marriage.

It's very rare that a couple gets back to a 'good place' after infidelity without seeking external professional help. A third party trained person will help you two talk about your feelings in a safe and controlled environment and also help you when carving your way forward.

It's difficult to just let go of all the hurt feelings, disappointment and anger but have a mind of forgiving your partner if you want to move on. If the infidelity was on your partner take steps that will make them want them to forgive you. Taking the step towards towards counselling is a really good start.

When a partner cheats, the love and trust feel broken and those are the two driving forces of a marriage. The two of you will have to work really hard and together to bring back the love and especially the trust. This is a slow process and will be riddled with trials. Working together here is key. Some couples have noted that their marriage became stronger after infidelity so why not yours?

If you've ever worked on a broken-down car, then you know how much time and energy it takes. But getting it running again is usually worth all the sweat and tears. Your marriage is the broken down car and you and your partner will need to give it all the attention you got. You'll re-discover each other a new, you'll fight, cry but eventually your marriage will start purring back to life.

In direct contrast to the point above, also take time apart to just focus on you and what you want long-term without the influences of feelings caused by seeing your partner around. The both of you will need to do some deep soul-searching before you can commit to one another again but once you do, let the discovery begin.

Can you do it all alone?

By its very definition, a marriage is a partnership, a team effort, a deep bond between two people. Working as a team player means that both of you have to be in sync on trying to salvage a marriage.

For the sake of checks and balances, you should know that a marriage cannot be destroyed by just one person and it can't be fixed by just one either. Yes, even if your spouse cheated, it is the choices you make after the fact that will decide the fate of your realationship. Here are some ABCs for you.

When the abandoning ship, spouse feels pressured or forced to stay and make things work, they'll feel the need to jump overboard sooner. Show them you are willing to put your heart on the line once more and let them decide if they want to stay and save the capsizing boat or they'd rather swim to shore on their own. Whatever choice they make, don't beg. Love and hope they see that you are the one for them.

The reason why you said yes to this human being and not any other is sometimes buried deep under the rubble of destruction caused by a failing marriage. Start digging it up and dust it off and put this reason at your core once more. 

Most marriages begin cracking at the foundation because the spouses focus too much on all the shortcoming of their partners. You are human and so is your partner and if they don't feel well appreciated within the confines of marriage, they are going to want to get out. If you are trying to salvage a marriage, focus on your partner's good qualities. Throw in praise here and there and smile for no apparent reason at them. Smiles do tend to create the most amazing ripple effects.

When working on saving your marriage, you need all the help you can get so we got the best books to help guide you through this process.

The author, Dr. Sue Johnson helps you work through your deep-rooted issues by applying a method called Emotionally focussed therapy, which aims reestablish a safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. 

The book contains lots of exercises, practical examples and case studies to help you open up and connect emotionally with your spouse without fear.

This book by Dr. Eggerichs mainly focuses on marriage in the more biblical, traditional ways. The man wants the respect that is due to him while the woman wants deep and unconditional love. It's a bold attempt at cracking the communication barriers between couples leading to a healthier, happier marriage. Check out the workbook too for practical exercises on your journey towards healing.

There are 5 love languages, and most times, you and your partner speak completely different languages. Not to worry, Gary Chapman, in his book; The 5 Love Languages addresses this for you to reopen the communication channels and reignite the love between you and your partner. It contains some great examples and stories that will make the read interesting enough for you.

Marriage is no walk in the park but when you put in work and appreciate that you're in each other's life, facing the challenges becomes easier. Constantly check in with your partner and make sure you're on the same page. And have lots of sex, it's good for your health too. It's the simple things that make a marriage really work.