Pre-Marriage Counseling: Is there really a need for this

When would it be necessary to attend pre-marriage counselling

By Joseph T
Pre-Marriage Counseling: Is there really a need for this

Pre-marriage counseling is a kind of therapy that assists married couples for marriages challenge, rules that come with it as well as the benefits attached to marriage. This therapy also helps to ensure that you and your spouse have a healthy, strong, non-toxic relationship that will give you both a satisfying and unchanging marriage. Going for pre-marriage counseling will also help spouses to identify their weakness which can result in problems and equally help proffer remedies to any arising issues.

When and Why Should You Go For Pre-Marriage Counseling?

Pre-marriage counseling is encouraged to be started as soon as possible and it is not just for couples intending to get married in about a month or two. Starting a pre-marriage therapy with a certified marriage counselor or therapist gives you an edge over those that are regarded as newlyweds. Given the number of divorce rates, one of the best things you can do to save your marriage before it crashes into pitfall is to begin pre-marital counseling. According to findings, couples that choose to attend a counseling class have reduced divorce rates as when compared to those that don’t attend the therapy class. Whether you feel there is an issue or there is no issue in your marriage, pre-marital counseling is very vital and important.

Why You Should Go For Pre-Marriage Counseling

1. Enhances Communication

As it is said, there is no relationship or commitment without effective communication. It is also said that an important aspect of marriage is effective communication between two partners. Attending pre-marital counseling quite early helps you both learn how to be a good listener, help you to know your partner better, help you know your spouse as well as what your spouse needs within a specific time frame. This can however only develop stronger if you both start pre-marital class early.

2. Help Discover Yourselves

It's also said you cannot know everything about your spouse. Most people feel they know practically everything about their spouse, meanwhile, there is a lot that their spouse feels uncomfortable to discuss with them. Going for pre-marital counseling gives you the opportunity to be open-minded with your spouse. It gives you a sense of freedom, to discuss anything that usually doesn't come up during normal conversations.

3. Help Future-Oriented Planning

Premarital counseling does more than just helping married couples in tackling their problems or issues. It also assists couples for future plans. A marriage therapist can assist you both in setting up a family and financial goals and can also proffer reliable strategies on how to achieve them. Hence, starting a counseling class in a marriage goes a very long way in planning for both your partner and future.

The Topics and Questions They Ask During Pre-Marriage Counseling

Pre-marriage counseling is becoming more common and it has helped reduce the rate of high divorce in many countries. However, many marriage counselors and therapists begin their interaction with a list of pre-marriage counseling questions and topics. While your response gives the therapists more insight into your individual abilities and weakness, they also open up effective communication on current issues and discuss how to resolve them. The topics pre-marital counseling centers on:

  • Career
  • Effective Communication
  • Sex and Intimacy
  • Finances
  • Emotions
  • Child Bearing
  • Family and Friends
  • Religion 
  • Household
Going over these topics with your spouse can really help you both gain an insight on how you feel about important issues, and how each of you will resolve such issues.

On the other hand, the following questions are an abridged version of pre-marital counseling questions worth responding to.

Communication

  • How do you make decisions?
  • Do you both avoid conflicts or difficult topics that need to be discussed?
  • Do you both handle argument effectively?
  • Are you free to talk openly with your partner?

Emotions

  • Why did you get married?
  • Do you feel marriage was going to change you both?
  • Do you think you both will be together in about 25years from now?
  • Do you both have any pet-peeves?

Career

  • What are your career goals and what plans do you have to achieve them?
  • What will your schedule be like, and how will it impact your marriage?
  • Will you ever leave your job if it’s threatening your marriage?

Household

  • Who is in charge of the chores?
  • What chores do you both enjoy doing or hate doing?
  • Who is in charge of the cooking?

Finances

  • Do you have debts, savings or investments?
  • How do you divide the household bills?
  • Do you have a separate or joint account?
  • What are your spending habits like?

Sex and Intimacy

  • Are you both happy with your sex life?
  • How have you improved your sex life?
  • Are you both comfortable about discussing sexual needs and desire?
  • Are you comfortable with the amount of affection and romance you get?

Children

  • Are you both ready to have children?
  • When do you want to have children?
  • How many children do you want?
  • Will you consider adoption if you discover you cannot have children?
  • Will you resign from your job and stay home with the children?

Family and Friends

  • How often do you both see your families?
  • How do you share the holidays?
  • How often do you see your friend, separately or as a couple?

Religion

  • What are your religious beliefs?
  • Will you include them into the lives of your children?
  • Since your beliefs are different, how will you raise your children?

However, answering these questions together will let you learn a lot about each other. It will help you avoid any arising problems or serious arguments that might lead to a divorce.

Top 3 Books on Pre-Marriage Counseling That You Can Use As Reference

1. First Year of Marriage: The Newlyweds Guide to Building a Strong Foundation and Adjusting to Married Life

First Year of Marriage

Written by Marcus and Ashley Kusi, this book teaches you on how to resolve conflicts and to get your sexual life started. It is regarded as a non-religious book that assists engaged couples and newlyweds to build a strong foundation for a fulfilled marriage. Specifically, the book comes with a 12-week action plan that helps you practice everything detailed in the book.

2. Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

Written by Gary Chapman, this book will assist you and your spouse on how to develop a supportive and loving marriage so that you both can last together. Although, it doesn’t come with a practical workbook, but reading it with your spouse gives you everything you need for a fulfilled marriage.

3. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

This book by Drs. Les and Lesile help uncover the misconception about marriage. The book also provides tools to communicate and to resolve conflict successfully. It is imbibed with exercises that will prepare you both for deeper intimacy. Interestingly, it has a companion workbook for both men and women.

Free Pre-Marriage Counseling To Find Online

Even if you are all ready to take the next step by trying out a pre-marriage therapy, you might just be put off by how expensive the classes can be. A pre-marital therapy runs you and your spouse about a hundred dollars a month and at the same period might have piled up bills to clear, why not try out cheap and free online marriage counseling. Here are a few free online resources

Related Article: How to be a better listener and why you should be one
How to be a better listener and why you should be one

6 Ways to be a Better Listener to your Girlfriend or Wife​​​​​​​

Summary

The main goal of pre-marital counseling is to build a loving, healthy, strong and lasting marriage. This is why pre-marital therapy, counseling should be made mandatory for newlyweds and married couples as it also considered as an early intervention in improving realistic relationships, help achieve realistic expectations and goals, assists couples in managing and resolving conflicts and also in resolving arguments positively and effectively.

The pre-marital therapy grants you and your spouse an opportunity to express and discuss the values and beliefs about significant problems in marriage such as parenting, family, finances, what you think, what your partner thinks, what she believes and values the most, what he believes and value the most, the significant of becoming a couple and what it takes to achieve a fulfilling and lasting marriage. Counseling will also assist you in ensuring an 80-90% marriage success, which gives you an edge over those who decide to be in a marriage without help.

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