20 Funny Family Jokes And Riddles To Use During Gatherings

Funny family jokes and riddles to share and have a hearty laugh.

By Sarah
20 Funny Family Jokes And Riddles To Use During Gatherings

When you think about family gatherings, you imagine scores of people all milling about, talking, eating and laughing together. In your imagination, it seems fun. It looks like something you would love to be a part of but imagine if there is no laughter, no fun, no familial inside jokes, no teasing or happiness being passed around. What then? What would you do? Would you want to be there?

No, of course not. You would be bored to tears, and every time your parents would have to practically drag you out of the house kicking and screaming to meet the family while your brain would be doing all it could to find ways to escape the mind-numbing boredom you know is awaiting you at the gathering. You torture yourself by thinking up better uses for your time rather than just sitting around, awkwardly smiling while being offered food and wishing time would fasten up so you could leave and go home but is this really what you want to do at every family gathering? Smile awkwardly at the people you love and wish that you were anywhere but, there?

No, again! So why not find ways to make that dull, awkward gathering more fun. Break the ice, so to speak and work your magic.

How? You might ask, well, it’s simple really. The best way to break the ice is through laughter.

There are many kinds of jokes in the world, and not all of them are family friendly. You have to take care and make sure that you make a joke in the right place with the right people. After all, you can’t tell the same joke about a pop band with your family that you can with your friends. It’s just not done. This is why, its best to have a few jokes, one-liners and some riddles ready as a way to break the monotony and incur some conversation and fun with your family members.

20 Family Jokes and Riddles

It’s not easy thinking up a joke on the spot, so it’s essential to have something ready that can be used in any situation. Here are 20 family-friendly jokes and riddles that you can memorize and use at the opportune moment. They’ll come in handy when you want to break the silence, induce humor in a serious situation or even when you’re just all around bored and need to have some fun.

Short One-Liners

One- liners are a great way just to start a conversation. If it’s funny enough, then the people in front of you will want to continue the conversation so that they could hear some more. It’s not necessary that your one-liners are only jokes, it could be a simple yet exciting riddle as well. A little brain teaser that could get the conversation going and enjoyable past time for whiling the hours away until you could go home and burrow under the covers of your warm bed. Here are a few one-liners that could help you achieve this:

  1. The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise, but the fire trucks ruined it.
  2. Writing a horror screenplay. It starts with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it's their mum saying "I have a computer question."
  3. My nephew found a cassette tape in my house. It was like watching an early man discovered fire.
  4. A parent's job is a daily struggle to help a crazy person stay alive. Help wanted.
  5. My son came home as I was taking his door off its hinges and asked: "Dad what are you doing?"  I said, "We've updated our privacy policy. There will be none.”
  6. How can you drop a raw egg from a height onto a concrete floor without cracking it?  The concrete floors are hard to crack. They’re so concrete
  7. How can a man go eight days without sleep?  He’ll be weird and sleep the night away

On Big Family

When you have big families, you are often the target of ridicule. Sometimes that ridicule is from within the family, and sometimes it’s from the outside. Here are a few ways that you could deal with it with a joke and move on. Using these jokes or even a variation of them will help you escape an awkward and potentially volatile situation in a subtle yet satisfying manner. 

8. Someone asks you “How do you afford so many kids?” just say “I accept cash and checks. Would you like our mailing address?”

9. “How do you get anything done with so many kids around the house?” “You’re right, it’s so difficult, thank you so much for offering to help.”

Now escaping ridicule or disguised taunts and barbs isn’t the only way to use jokes, you can use them to turn a serious situation into something funny and rather than mope and be angry, you could laugh and be happy. Isn’t that what life is all about. Make merry and laugh through life or else Life will laugh through you and that is not a scenario anyone wants or needs.

10. Heredity: everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!

11. An elderly couple is having lunch with their children and grandchildren. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"

12. You know your family is big when you read the fine print on "kids eat free" offers.

13. It’s a birthday celebration every few weeks in this house. Always a time to party in this house.

14. Getting a family picture where everyone looks good isn't even a possibility. You should be happy with a photo where only one person is crying, making a weird face or picking their nose and no one is absent or sleeping.

Super Funny Jokes To Keep In Mind

There are many kinds of jokes, and most aren’t always family friendly, as we have said before. It’s important to have a few words of wit and humor in your arsenal of conversation so that you don’t feel left out and so you could be a part of the conversation. So here are a few jokes and funny stories that are guaranteed to make your day by making you the center of fun attention in a family setting:

15. What do you call a sleeping bull? “A bulldozer.”

16. A young boy asks his Dad at the dinner table: “Dad, do bugs taste good to eat?”

The Dad, quite offended, says: “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about such things at the dinner table.” After dinner, the Dad brings up the question again: “Son, you wanted to ask me something earlier?”  
“Nothing much, Dad.” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but it’s gone now.”

17. Wife: Why have you been reading our marriage certificate all through dinner?

Husband: I was just trying to find out if there was an expiry date.

18. My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, the blanket, and the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby. I mean, it was just one little thing right!

19. I need coffee, I accidentally caught some Zzz’s yesterday.

20. After a long time, I told my hot co-worker how I felt, turns out she felt the same way. So I turned on the air conditioning.

Related Article: 15 Fun Family Activities for some simple bonding session
15 Fun Family Activities for some simple bonding session

Bond over these family activities over weeknights or weekends

Conclusion

Jokes and riddles make your time with your family a little easier. It’s the best way to make sure that you have a good time in all that’s going on. An ice breaker, which helps you fit in a little better and an excellent way to make sure that you don’t sit in the corner awkwardly holding your plate of food and trying not to make eye contact. Why be doing that, when we could be having fun.

Family gatherings are a place where you can just let go and be yourself because your family is the one thing in the world that will never judge you, no matter what. Even if you crack the lamest joke or the weirdest riddle known to man, they will still love you because you’re their blood and they must accept you, jokes and all included.

So use the arsenal of jokes and riddles that you have, make good use of them and be sure to have fun. Start a conversation with a funny story, or a sarcastic one-liner which will make the person in front of your snort with laughter or smirk in humor, such that they would leave their awkward staring and join into a fun conversation with you. Escape the boredom of small talk and make actual relationships with your family in the best way you know how. Through jokes and riddles!

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