5 Real Reasons Why I Don't Want To Fall In Love

Falling in love is a very, very beautiful thing. It enriches your soul, gives you courage and motivates you to be a better person each day. However, after failing in love a few times, you will realise, sometimes, you don’t want to fall in love because of these very real reasons.

Growing up, I was always taught that everyone is going to do exactly what they want in the future. If you want to be an astronaut, you will be. If you want to be a president, you can. No one has ever said that you will be in your late 20s and still struggling to find a purpose, a goal in life.

Not everyone has their life figured out when they’re 5. Some are still struggling when they’re in their 20s, like me. Falling in love with someone will turn their dreams into mine, even when the dreams don’t suit me. If I fall in love with a super lovely guy that wants 5 kids, I would probably think that I want 5 kids too. But no, truth is I’m not ready to even think about having kids. I want to travel the world. If he comes to me and says he wants to live in the tropicals, I will say ‘beaches sound fun! Let’s do it!’ No, I don’t want to live in the tropicals, I love snow.

I don’t want to fall in love again until I’ve figured out what I truly want and who I truly am. Otherwise, I will only be who my loved one is, without a soul and a personality of my own. Only two souls interacting with each other can create beautiful stories. If you’re just the same as your loved one, you’re just living their stories, and not creating anything on your own.

I would never say making sacrifices for your loved one is wrong, it’s a selfless act. However, falling in love will too easily make you give everything away. I have my life here, at home. A good job that I genuinely enjoy. Falling in love with someone miles away is just basically asking me to decide if I want to give up my life here for him. I would probably do it for love. But I don’t feel I’m ready to give up the chances I can have here just in the name of love. I want to explore all possibilities, all the things I can achieve on my own, before deciding whether giving something up for love is right.

Missing out on things isn’t exactly bad, but it’s surely a thing in every relationship. From deciding not to go out with friends to not taking a job too far away, all in the name of love. It could be a beautiful thing one day, but right now, I’m not ready to feel missed out on my life.

After being in love for so long, I already forget that I can be strong on my own too. I’m so used to being dependent on him that it’s become unhealthy for my own growth. I know it’s natural to lean on the other person when you’re in love to feel safe. I like that feeling too, but I want to feel that I can be accomplishing on my own too. I don’t want to feel that I can only achieve when I’m with someone, I want to feel that I can achieve on my own, so I can be strong with someone.

Not falling in love allows me to grow and be strong for myself, I’ve found things that I didn’t even know I could do. I could go travelling in the vast land of Africa, camping in the mountains with just me and the thousands of stars shining above. Those were all things that I thought I needed someone to accompany me with. You will be forced to grow if you don’t have anyone there. And truth is, no one will be there for you forever, it’s always good to feel strong and know that you can do things alone if you have to. Therefore, I just need to not fall in love for a while so I can work on myself.

Falling in love changes the dynamics between the two. Expectations becomes higher and higher, suddenly there are things that are deemed inappropriate. It feels like I don’t have control over some parts of my life anymore. If I don’t do what’s expected, then I’m a bad girlfriend.

To be honest, I really would like the freedom but at the same time I understand that, there’re things that I wouldn’t like if my boyfriend does it. If I could take that part of his freedom away, I should be ready to give up mine too. It’s only fair. I want to see the effort but I want to keep my freedom too. I guess it’s just wrong timing. One day I will be ready to make the effort, after I’ve experienced the freedom, whether it’ll be good or bad. I just need to have that experience before I can give it up.

I don’t want to fall in love again because it will just lead to the same struggle. I need to do this alone. This is about me.

It can take someone 3 days to fall in love, but a lifetime to forget. Everyone that’s been hurt in a relationship would know this. It will probably take you more time to move on than the time you actually spent together. Each heartbreak is a lesson. But the cost of this lesson is too high. I’ve taken a few and I think it’s enough for me for now. I don’t want to go through the same pain again anytime soon. I need to be alone because I don’t want to get my hopes up for someone just to get my heart shattered.

It’s not about you. I’m sure there’s someone out there that’s perfect for you, that will find all your qualities a gem. But that’s not me. Honestly speaking, I don’t want to fall in love with you not because it’s the best for you, but because it’s the best for me. I wish you nothing but the best and that one day you will make someone super lucky. I genuinely wish you that. But I don’t need to be a part of that story. Our qualities were never a match. I could have changed myself and compromised to be with you, true. But I want more to develop myself and find someone that matches me more without that much effort. I wish the same for you too.

I have been so used to snuggling next to you during horror movies that I forgot it’s just fictional. There was never anything to be scared of.

It’s already hard planning my own future, planning it for two doesn’t make it any easier. Maybe one day I will get there, maybe…

A lot of people can be that right person if you fall in love with them at the right time. Right now, it’s just not the right time and that’s why I can’t fall in love with anyone, because no one can be the right person for me right now. The right person will only come along after I’ve figured myself out.

You can never guarantee your loved one will never disappoint you, most likely, they will. I’m sick of handling the disappointment and forcing myself to find excuses for them. Maybe I’m too demanding, or maybe I just need the right one to satisfy me. Whatever the reason is, one thing is clear, I need to work on myself and I don’t need any disappointment right now.

I want to fall in love as much as everyone else. But if I know I’m not ready for it, I’d rather never fall in love again than to rush into it just to get hurt again. Right now, I’m not ready to deal with all the dramas and fuss so I don’t want to fall in love again. There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t need love to prove your worth. Quite the contrary, you can only prove your worth if you can shine on your own, not when you’re a shadow of someone else.

Be strong, and know that you never needed love to shape you. Go shape yourself then you can shape the love you want.