Crushes. We all have them and can’t really run away from them because at more than one point in time we meet new people. Even if you’ve been at your job for years, there’s always somebody new that will come in, and you can admire.
From school to career, crushes remain. Moreover, crushes don’t have to be a heart fluttering, palms sweating experience. It could be finding someone attractive or you giving attention to the fact that someone is nice to you.
The fact is, people tend to immediately deny having a crush, especially if they’re in a committed relationship. Either that or they cannot identify what a crush is.
For those who feel like having a crush is considered cheating and for those who can’t identify them, a crush is harmless. It is subjective and one-sided. Finding someone attractive or appreciating their kindness in a non-platonic way is not considered flirting.
It is up to us what we want to do with that admiration.
Facts about having a crush
Having a crush is pretty much rocket science because of its complications. There is no one way to handle it, and the methods and approaches change every time. It may seem daunting at first, but your gut-feel will know what to do.
The following are some facts about having a crush:
- It can’t be rushed – One of the beautiful things about having a crush is the sunny days in your otherwise gloomy day. You can’t wait to see that person, even if you haven’t talked to him. Yet. A crush could never be rushed. You can’t admire someone one day and then ask him or her out the next day. A crush is like a clay about to be molded. You just let the table spin and wait for the clay to take shape as you gently touch it.
- Look at the eyes if you want confirmation – They say the eyes are the window to our souls, well, it’s true – especially if you're going to confirm that someone is interested in you. Looking at your crush’s eyes and checking if they glow or spark with interest is one way to confirm if you want to take the next step of flirting. Alternatively, you may just want to keep it at the admiration level and not take it to the next stage.
- You cannot overthink a crush – This is a fact of having a crush that people often misunderstand or misinterpret. “Does he like me back?” “What if I see him today, do I make the first move?” All these overthinking will only cause a crease on your forehead and what if you stumble on your crush looking constipated? We all hope not! Like mentioned earlier, a crush happens and it can’t be rushed. It’s like a flower in bloom. Overthinking will not make the petals open faster.
- It’s only crush. – Having a crush means you have a crush, not a lover. After overthinking and rushing, people often assume that a crush implies a relationship. Don’t mistake a crush for a relationship just yet. Some stages and levels need to be passed first.
- Nothing happens until someone makes a move – A crush will only progress if one or both partners initiate something beyond a mere “Hey” as you pass each other at work. Once you’ve decided that you want it to be more than a crush means you have some work cut out for you.
Signs you have a crush on someone you work with
It is true that getting into a relationship at work is dangerous because of the potential risks like too much drama, decreased motivation during fights, and poor performance on stormy days. However, we aren’t in that stage yet. It is only a crush, so it’s totally innocent!
Wanna know some signs that confirm you have a crush on someone you work with? Let’s take a look.
Sign #1: Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows
When you admire someone at work, your monotonous day suddenly becomes more worthwhile and sunny. You become eager to go to work, and there is a spring to your step because you get to see that special someone.
If your coworker crush is from another department, then your chance meetings feel like the skies just opened up for you. If your crush is in your team, then it’s constant fireworks.
The only thing left is to use that motivation and inspiration to get things done during the day.
Sign #2: You say yes to everything. You make things work.
You would gladly file a ten-foot high pile of documents as long as your crush asks you to do it. You would easily stay three hours more at the end of the day because your crush called you in for a late meeting. You wouldn’t mind getting all sweaty at the office gym when the truth is you’ve never set foot at the gym just because your crush works out as well.
Those are examples, creepy as they may be to a third-person with no interest in the matter, of the things you would do when you have a crush on someone at work.
Sign #3: You become nervous!
You might be the most confident reporter, and you ace all the meetings and presentations, but when your crush is around, you suddenly get butterflies in your stomach, and you become extra aware of how you look, talk, act, think, and breathe!
You might be the shy type, don’t like public speaking and push for tasks that are behind the scenes. There’s no problem with that. But this feeling gets doubled when your crush is around, and you feel like it’s high school all over again.
One thing about having a crush is its constancy. How things worked in grade school works the same way now. Nothing much has changed except the setting – same giddiness, same mechanics.
Signs you have a crush on someone in a relationship
A bit more dangerous is having a crush on someone that’s taken. The mixed feelings, the what ifs and risks involved don’t help either. We are people who take extra interest in forbidden things; and while having a crush on someone you can’t have is harmless, it could quickly become into something destructive for the people involved.
If that person was meant to be cross paths with you, then great! For now, let’s keep it at a crush only.
Sign #4: In an alternate universe you dream, you hope, you wait
A sure sign that you have a crush on someone that you can’t have is imagining you could grab him and be with him in an alternate universe. It doesn’t matter if you plan on asking them out in that universe or you want to admire from afar, you still imagine.
Another sign is dreaming about them which adds icing to the cake because you have no control over this occurrence. You wake up hopeful and willing to wait or at least to feel more serene.
Sign #5: You compare
You have better hair than she does or you have more biceps than him are some examples of petty comparisons you end up making between you and your crush’s partner.
Do be careful because comparisons are a double-edged sword. You will have, and it will boost your ego, but the ones that you fall short in could make you feel down. Keep in mind that it’s only a crush to help you stay on track.
Sign #6: You become bolder
Experiencing a sudden jolt of confidence and considering to text your crush (doesn’t have to be flirty) but then deleting it because conscience got the better of you is a sign you have a crush on that person. Feeling bolder and becoming a risk-taker is an effect of admiring someone.
How to stop having a crush on someone
While you can’t command your heart and brain on command to stop feeling a certain way, you can trick them into it. Time and environment will play an essential part in this formula.
First, you cannot un-crush someone overnight. It will take time. One way to do so is to get to know them, and you could realize that you don’t actually like them that way. Or you grow out of the whole admiration towards that person.
Second, you could try changing or expanding your circle of connections. This is especially true for someone with a crush on someone in a relationship. Going out with other people and getting your friends to divert your focus help in putting those feelings at bay.
A crush is like a puppy – impulsive and easily distracted. The feelings might be overwhelming right now, but it won’t always be.
Having a crush and deciding what to do with it is all up to you. Be prepared for disappointment or realizing that your crush is also human. The surreal thing with having a crush is you can add a touch of your imagination to make that person perfect.
However, choosing to make a move entails you discovering things that you don’t like about that person; may it be their laugh, their teeth, their voice, you name it.
On the other hand, you might be interested in your crush, but they aren’t. This is another outcome to be prepared with crushes. Just take a deep breath and let things flow.
Don’t be discouraged, a significant portion of the crushing-on-someone experience is the unknown, and it’s exhilarating!