Dating in NYC: The difference dating in 20's vs 30's

Thanks to series like Sex on the City or more recently Girls, people have the notion that New York City is the best place for dating. That, according to a lot of women is just not true. New York has a population of almost 9 million and yet, it can be the loneliest place to live. Most people move to New York thinking that their lives are going to be all excitement and adventure. The promise of a city with a diverse culture and cosmopolitan life is enchanting and difficult to resist.

But once you get there you realize that reality is somewhat totally different, your expectations are not matched. Life in New York City is tough, it's one of the most expensive cities to live in, rent is constantly on the rise, so people spend their first years there trying hard to survive. The life of glamour and dating and culture becomes just a dream.

Tons of single women made the decision of moving to New York with high expectations regarding dating, they think they're going to meet a gorgeous intelligent man that's going to sweep them off their feet, just to encounter that despite all the bars, coffee shops, restaurants, theaters, clubs, parks, etc. finding a date in NYC is kind of impossible.

One of the reasons dating in NYC is hard is because the population is mostly women (53%), so the competition for eligible men is fierce. Added to that expectations are very different for men and women when it comes to dating. They want different things, maybe what you want is a guy who enjoys riding the subway and ordering Chinese at 2 a.m., but what he wants is to date a supermodel who loves to hang out at secret night clubs at 3 a.m.

We're sure that if you've lived in New York for a time (at least a year), you'll have some terror stories about dating there. That guy that you met at a wine tasting who you started dating because you had lots in common, but every time you asked to go to his place he always made excuses about his "roommates". Turned out that the "roommates" was actually a living-in girlfriend. 

Or that other guy you met online (using a dating app of course) that in all appearances looked and sounded nice (he told you he was 30), but when you met him he was actually 55, he didn't like women his age, preferred them younger. Or how about that cute guy your friends hooked you up with, they knew what kind of guy you'd like so it was OK, but when you actually met him, the first thing he said was that he was looking for a girl to marry and have kids, and this was before you even knew his last name.

There are reasons why dating in New York is not easy and sometimes totally frustrating.

This doesn't seem possible in the "City that never sleeps" but it's true. In New York, most everyone walks with their earbuds, so no one looks at you or attempts to strike a conversation. Just observe people on the subway or standing next to each other on the sidewalks, or at the gym sitting next to each other doing a workout. Nobody speaks to each other or make eye contact, zero connections.

Most people, to survive in New York, live to work. They already have a relationship... with their jobs, so it's like a competition where almost always work is going to win. Unless you're willing to meet someone at 11:30 pm on a Tuesday night, every two weeks. 

If you met someone, pray that he lives nearby, great if he lives in the same borough. The great distances make dating hard because the ride on the subway (a lot of time) or the ride on the cab or uber (a lot of money) is going to discourage a lot of suitors and you too.

What's it like dating in your 20s in New York? Some say it's terrible. Twenty years ago, the scenario was different, and a lot of people in their mid-20s were already married and were starting a family. Times have changed and now relationships in the 20s just don't work, that's the perception. That's kind of a general scenario, add that to all the reasons dating in NYC is hard, you get why it doesn't work.

Also, there's a big difference between dating in your early 20s than dating in your late 20s. Women that have gone through their 20s in the city have expressed that some that the experiences they had early on prepared them to know what they like and what they didn't like further on. 

So, what's it like dating in your 20s?

Since everything is new and exciting when you encounter an "ish" kind of guy, (he's cute-ish. nice-ish, funny-ish) and he expresses interest in you, that's reason enough to say yes when he asks you out. The date ends up being nice-ish too

This is the case if you are in the early 20s. They have more experience than you in the dating world so they may seem more mature. Don't worry, you're going to get there.

Or are you? Nowadays people in their 20s are starting to discover who they are and what they want from life, so when it comes to dating, they're not looking for long term relationships, they look for hookups. Dating in NYC with that mentality could play in your favor. 

Dating in your 30s is very different than dating in your 20s. A decade older and tons of horrible and not so horrible dates gives you a different perspective of the whole dating thing. The playing field is narrower too; your biological clock starts ticking and you've got more baggage. Also, the relationship status of your group of friends is not the same, more and more of them are getting married or are couple up, so you start to feel the pressure. 

So, what's the difference between dating in your 20s and dating in your 30s in NYC? Keep reading.

In your 20s you wanted a guy with a cool car that could take you to nice restaurants. Now that you're in your 30s your priorities have changed and you know what you want not just in a guy but in a boyfriend, in a life partner. You still think that the car and the nice restaurants are a good idea, but it's more important to find a guy who gets you. For example, if you enjoy learning new things you'll need a man who can teach you something new, who can challenge you intellectually.

Now you know that communication between a couple is crucial for the relationship to work. After all the disasters of the past, you've learned to talk openly and honestly with the guy you're dating. He should be able to talk to you the same way. Your discussions or fights are now more mature because instead of storming out, you can talk about it and find a solution.

In you're 20s, you've put up with the bartender/actor/personal trainer who didn't have a steady job because you thought he was so cool and so talented; or with that guy that wasn't emotionally ready to be in a relationship, or the with the selfish guy, etc. Thanks to all those bad experiences, you don't waste your time anymore, if you don't like someone, you stop talking to him, or texting or hanging out, you move on. Life is short and you don't want to waste it with the wrong guy.

Dating in New York for guys should be a different scenario right? What with the ratio of men/women living there, they shouldn't have any trouble finding women to date. Well, it will depend on what the guys are looking. for. If they're looking for hookups (as is the case for most of the guys in their 20s nowadays), then dating in NYC is the best, but if they're looking for something else then it's hard.

NYC rocks for culture, nightlife, career, sports but when it comes to dating... it sucks. According to guys, there are a couple of reasons why.

The majority of people move to New York to pursue their careers and women are no exception. They move to the big city chasing a dream, whether in finances, theater, film, business; they may have dating in a different compartment on their brains because it isn't a priority.

To date a woman in New York you have to deal with hectic schedules, you have to compete with their careers and very demanding jobs. So, either you accept to have a date at 11 pm on a Monday night every now and then or you won't date them. 

To survive and make it in NYC you have to work your tail off. Somedays you're booked until almost midnight, and that's the case for everyone. So getting a girl interested and then convincing her to go out with you, after a brutal work day and keeping that date is very hard. 

Dating in NYC can be a lonely experience and it could discourage you to pursue it, so maybe what you need is to listen and connect with stories of others that are in the same situation. Podcasts are a great way to do this and have a little fun. Since you seem to love your earbuds so much, here are 3 top podcasts to listen on the subway or while you're walking in the City.

It's a spinoff of the Modern Love column of the New York Times, a favorite among the NY elite. Everyday users submit their stories and the podcast invites actors, authors or influencers to read those stories.

This podcast is written, edited and founded by Demetrius Figueroa, who has spent more than 10 years dating in NYC so he knows what that's about. He offers straightforward advice about dating and relationships.

This podcast is very popular, it's hosted by the dating coach Marni Battista, who's the queen when it comes to giving advice on dating.

New York is an exciting city where you can find culture and fun and amazing job opportunities but when it comes to dating it can be a hard place to be for both men and women. But if you're set on staying there and keep looking, you'll have to be patient and kiss a lot of frogs before you found your prince.