The world we live in is full of chaos and so are the relations associated with us. Of all the relationships and bonds we share with others, marriage is the strongest one which brings two complete strangers together who vows to be loyal and loving towards each other.
However, unfavorable situations arise leaving the marriage in a complete rut and the two partners finally decide to part ways.
Do you really want to leave that person? Don't you still have some love left for him/her? Or would your life be better off after putting an end to the marriage? If you had a confusion answering these questions then believe me, you really want to save your marriage. And luckily, you have landed at the right place because I have compiled this guide to help you fix your shuddering marriage.
As Harville Hendrix, author of numerous self-help books, says:
"Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart."
So, don't lose hope because even if a corner of your heart is opposing this idea of breaking your marriage, you still have time. Bear with me, and let's find out some easy yet impactful ways to save your marriage.
How to Fix a Broken Marriage Alone
Most of us believe that if marriage is dwindling, both partners should have an equal responsibility to save it (which is true), but, did you know that you could save your marriage even if your better-half is not supporting? Yes, you read that right.
If your husband/wife has lost all hope in the relationship the two of your share but you still wish to work on it, then don't worry because it’s still workable.
Fixing marriage alone is obviously not a cakewalk; however, it is doable with some extra effort. Here are a few ways to bring your marriage back to normal.
#1 - Find the Lost Love & Ignore Small Things
I agree that once the situation starts worsening, it can't come back to the original shape. But to ensure that your decision of divorce/separation is not hurried; find the lost love you have for your partner. Although this won't affect your relationship status directly; having a firm belief that "I can't let him/her go" is fundamentally important.
You can dig those partially buried feelings you had for your spouse by recalling the sweet moments you guys have shared. Watching your wedding album or simply writing good habits of your spouse can be a good starting point. This would be difficult since you are already amidst a situation; but once done, the next steps will become easier.
I know it's hard to keep calm when the other person is throwing tantrums at you and even harder when he/she isn't realizing. But to give your marriage a 2nd chance, you should develop a calm attitude. If your husband/wife is in the mood to continue a useless argument, just nod and walk away. A point comes when the other one understands that you aren't giving a damn about that broken wine bottle or the fuss your pet is creating and the drama will stop.
#2 - Open up to your partner; that's the key to save your marriage
Giving and having a little space will let you handle the situation wisely; as you know, you have all the responsibility to bring this marriage back on track.
However, if the situation doesn't seem to calm, have a word with your partner. Talk to your significant other and tell him/her how you feel, and what you want.
As Paul Tillich says:
"The first duty of love is to listen."
How to Fix a Broken Marriage after Cheating
According to 2010-2106 General Society Survey (GSS) conducted in America, 20% men and 13% of women said that they are guilty of having sex with someone else while having a spouse.
Infidelity is the biggest reason behind broken marriages and shattered relationships. When one of the partners is found guilty of cheating, no hope is left to save that marriage. However, if the cheater spouse takes a step ahead and tries to save his/her marriage, it is possible.
These little things will help you save your marriage once you feel guilty and are ready to mend the things you've damaged.
# 3 - Come Clean at once; Don't hide behind curtains anymore
If your wife/husband has found out about your affair, stop lying. Do not sugar-coat the facts, and blow all secrets at once. Because that will create a sense of trust in your partner and he/she might think about giving you a 2nd chance.
Now that you've realized you were wrong and that affair was a mistake, don't go back in that pit. Your affair partner will try to contact you again but that will add more fuel to the fire. Even if they contact you, tell your spouse about it and come clean, with a genuine intention to mend your marriage.
The time you spent in your extra-marital affair has deeply affected your marriage, acknowledge that. Even if your partner doesn't show that he/she is hurt, believe that the damage is real and find ways to remove the bitterness. Apologize for your mistakes, show your love, and ensure your better-half that you won't repeat this mistake.
How to Fix a Broken Marriage after Separation
Separation is one of the hardest times one can see in his/her life; when you don't know where your marriage is headed to and what will be the fate of your relationship.
Having some patience and calmly observing the situation can help you re-kindle your marriage after this setback of separation. Here is how you can become the initiator in fixing this hanging marriage:
# 4 - Prepare Yourself
Whether separation was your decision or your spouse initiated it; if you really want to fix your marriage, leave everything behind and compose yourself for taking up this challenge. Find ways to repair the mistakes you've made earlier and forget what your spouse did; just tell yourself, "I am going to fix this mess."
Joining your partner in the morning walk or during lunch hours will send signals towards him/her that you are ready to fix this chaos. Don't impose yourself if the other one is not much interested, just be steady and give it some time. Eventually, the fire will be extinguished, and you'll see your spouse taking an interest in fixing the relationship. If your partner annoys you, control your fury; it will be beneficial in the long run, trust me.
How to Fix a Broken Marriage when Trust is Broken
You broke your spouse's trust, and now you're sorry; but, things don't seem to become normal, right? Don't worry; it happens even to the best of us.
Remember that you love your partner, and you'll do anything to bring things back to normal.
# 5 - Feel Genuinely Sorry & Rebuild the Trust
Marriage is all about honesty; when you are on the wrong side, say sorry. Tell your spouse that you still love him/her, and the grey clouds will disappear soon. Be consistent, be honest, and be sorry for your wrongdoings.
When you are on the wrong side; you have to fix things. Rebuilding the lost trust should be your utmost priority; ensuring your partner that you won’t break his/her trusts again is the way out.
We all have some personality traits that are hard to change, but working on them can make our relationships a lot better. If you're a habitual drinker and that's the main problem in your shaking marriage; have rehab sessions. Or if you can't stop talking to your ex, tell yourself that you've got a responsibility to fulfill and that's your marriage.
# 6 - Be Genuine
No matter how desperately you want to make things better and fix your broken marriage, if the attempts look and feel fake, every attempt will go in vain. Be genuine and true to yourself and your partner. You wont need words if the gestures are coming straight from heart. Even eye contact, smile and emotions will convey the message to your partner and you will be with your partner again without going an extra mile.
Top 3 Books on How to Fix a Broken Marriage
And if following all the above-written steps isn't enough in your situation then read, read and read. Words really heal the broken hearts, and learning about others make you look back and find where you went wrong.
I would recommend you to read these 3 classic books, which have endless solutions for you when your marriage is going through turmoil.
# 1 - Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
Great read on how to satisfy each other's deepest needs and desires and make the relationship work in unexpected ways.
#2 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
Written by Gary Chapman, The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts is a great read for all those who need to learn to express love in ways other than expected. Go through this book and learn to improve relationship with your spouse.
#3 - Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: Unlocking the Secrets to Life, Love, and Marriage
It is difficult to laugh or even smile if your relationship is going through a rough patch. Laugh your way to a better marriage by Mark Gungor is based in his seminars which have played a vital role in saving marriages of thousands of couples. Read this book or talk to a good friend if your marriage is on the verge of break up.
Saving a marriage will take enough of your energy, time, and concentration. There will be times when you'll feel it isn't going to get any better; but, remember one thing "it's all worth it." Put as much effort as you can, and bring your life back to normal.
“The best proof of love is trust.” – Joyce Brothers
I hope you'll soon be out of this dark tunnel, and life will shower much more blessings on you. Good luck!