Is He Interested In You Or He Just Wants To Be Friends?

Is he interested in you or does he just want to be friends? Sometimes, it dead ass feels like you need a Ph.D. to understand why men behave the way they do and whether a particular special someone actually likes you or if they only like you as a friend. We’ve all been there, and it can be really an extremely frustrating place to be at so let’s try to break down some key signs that can help you figure out whether he’s struggling to come clean with his feeling or if “he’s just not that into you.”

Men are often not given credit for being complex being themselves – and for good reason – but it is important to understand that men come in different shades of emotional intelligence just as they come in all shapes and sizes. What may signal attraction in one guy’s personality type may just be platonic friendliness for another. So, take the following tips with a pinch of salt. Some men are more comfortable expressing their feelings, but most are not, which is why often women find themselves second-guessing whether their love interest reciprocates their affection or if it’s “all up in their heads.” Of course, men being cryptic and sending mixed signals don’t help either.

Some men are better listeners than others but when someone likes you beyond just friendship they take a keen interest in your stories and whatever you contribute to a conversation. If you notice his ears perk up when you start talking in a group and he presses for more details you can be sure he is interested in you. Frequent eye contact during a conversation and listening earnestly are signs of romantic affinity. Of course, some male friends are good listeners too but, more often than not, men engage the extra mile to develop deeper emotional connections and get to know about you beyond the surface level.

Active listening is exhausting in excess and, for most people, reserved for conversations we consider meaningful and important. A key feature of active listening is better recalled, so if he remembers something you said way back or brings up things you have mentioned in the past, he is trying to “prove” that he cares about you. This is a very strong sign that someone values you deeply. It means he treats you differently and puts you in an altogether different category than his friends which is a sure sign of romantic feelings.

Across the board, people we like make us nervous. We want to present our best selves to them and this puts a lot of pressure on us. Men also feel pressure to perform in the presence of people they are attracted to. If he feels a little shy, awkward, shifty or uncomfortable around you, chances are he has a crush on you but it’s definitely not a one-on-one correlation – lookout for other signs. If he gets flustered and rambles on subjects or fidgets a lot and looks in your direction for approval, while cracking a joke, this is usually a sign that he finds you attractive and seeks your approval.

Some men are naturally flirtatious – this tip doesn’t work for them but if you find a man teasing you playfully but also respectfully, it means that they are potentially interested and testing out waters. Men are more insecure than we give them sympathy for; only very few men will feel comfortable admitting their feelings without testing the waters. These could be playful, suggestive remarks. Body language is a tell-tale; if he tries to face you, smiles a lot at you and makes eye contact, you’re in luck. He may even lean in a bit too close while talking.

Men express themselves through their actions more than through words and those who are interested in you will find excuses to be around you and “take care of you” any chance they get. He’s interested if he offers to help you do things that you casually mention. A man who always wants to help you, wants you to rely on him. He is investing his time and energy in you because he wants to be someone you reach out to a lot. A lot of times this also means you get to hang out one-on-one, so such opportunities are big wins for him.

If you initiate a solo hangout and he makes a group outing out of it, chances are high, he just wants to be friends. Men will crave one-on-one time with women they consider “girlfriend material” so if he turns down any offers and suggests hanging in a group, you are only a friend and he wants to turn you down gently. He may still enjoy your company as a friend but doesn’t want it to be anything more than that. Take the hint and move along sis!

Men who like you will not go on and on about their ex or compliment other girls in your company. Men who cannot stop talking about their ex, are not over them, and that’s a red flag in itself but men who consider you more than a friend will resist getting into old relationship drama with you. If he blatantly checks out other women in front of you, he does not want to be more than friends with you. It’s a hard truth to stomach when you’re crushing on someone but if he has a wandering eye and has a hard time focusing on what you’re saying, he is not interested

Pay attention to how he treats you relative to his bros. As sad as it can be to admit if you secretly harbor a crush for a friend, you really are just friends if he treats you like one of the guys. Burping, farting, fist bumps and high-fives, as well as, no effort on his part to make interactions with you different from those with the guys means he’s not interested. This can be a particularly hard role to break out of – it’s hard to get a man to find you attractive if they don’t even notice that you’re a girl! Invest your energies elsewhere girl!

A good way to test waters and see if you’re in the friend zone is to compliment him – if he’s into you it will bring out positive reciprocity. People who like you are waiting for a socially sanctioned opportunity to compliment you and returning compliments is a perfect way to do so. So, if he doesn’t jump on the opportunity, he’s just not that into you. A simple thank you is just him being polite and he definitely doesn’t consider you “girlfriend material.” Men who are attracted to you want to compliment you any chance they can get, that’s just the fact of the matter.

We all lead busy lives, but we take time out for things that matter to us. Being busy all the time is an easy excuse to get out of social obligations that aren’t important to you. If the guy you're interested in is always too busy to hang out, this is a good sign that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. If he’s never free to spend time with you, chances are he’s trying to turn you down gently and you have been “friend-zoned.”

Q1. How often does he call or text and how long does it take for him to get back to you?

Men who want to get with you will text you a lot and not take centuries to text back. If you’re experiencing long stretches of radio silence and you find yourself carrying the conversation, he’s just not that into you.

Q2. What kind of conversations do you have?

Is the time you spend with each other or texting is full of smooth flowing, meaningful conversation and/or flirty banter or are your conversations dry, forced and punctuated? The former means there’s potential. The latter means it’s time to find someone else!

Q3. Does he talk about other women in front of you?

This is Big. Do not overlook this. If he is talking about other women, he is uninterested. Move on! Don’t make excuses for him. No man talks about other women in front of a woman they want to get with.

Q4. Is he too comfortable with you?

Men get too comfortable with partners they’ve been with long term but not with potential love interests.  If he’s too comfortable and doesn’t treat you differently from his bros, you’re in the friend zone.

Q5. Does he reciprocate physical touch?

Men who like you can’t keep their hands to themselves. Distant responses to light touch, are a sign he doesn’t want to get with you. Move along sis! There’s a lot of fish in the sea.