Are You Suffering From Sexual Frustration Silently?

Find out if you are sexually frustrated, deprived, or depressed

By Sylvia Epie
Are You Suffering From Sexual Frustration Silently?

Signs That You Are Sexually Frustrated And Deprived

Sexual frustration or deprivation is when you are unfulfilled in your sex life, you feel a lack of satisfaction in your sexual experiences or a complete lack of sex altogether. Your unmet sexual needs add up leaving you agitated, frustrated, deprived and depressed mentally, physically or emotionally.

Unfortunately, this is very common, many people experience sexual frustration at some point in their life if not throughout. Those in long term relationships go through phases of lack of intimacy also known as ‘’ dry spells’’, new couples experience performance anxiety while singles are missing in action. In whichever category you find yourself, as long as your sexual desires and needs are not met and you’re cranky about it you’ve experienced sexual frustration. 

The reasons for this phenomenon are numerous and relative to each person and their sex life, however, there is a pattern that eventually leads to sexual frustration. The spectrum ranges from frequent bad sex to a complete lack of sex and obstacles to great sex in between. In whichever end of the spectrum, you find yourself, rest assured there are effective ways to boost your sex life and get back to enjoying your downtime with your partner. But first, you have to be able to identify the signs of sexual frustration before diving into its underlying causes and how you can overcome it.

1. You easily get irritated

One of the most common signs of sexual frustration is being unnecessarily irritated. The sexual tension and daily stress in the body have no outlet,  it is trapped inside and you become hypersensitive to stimulations. Your body responds harshly to any form of contact with others. You get angry, distracted and offended by the slightest thing. Even the things you used to find funny no longer amuse you, it’s like you’ve lost your sense of humor and the most trivial things rub you the wrong way. This hypersensitivity and super developed senses are a sign of accumulated sexual frustration and deprivation at play.

2. Daydreaming and fantasizing about sex

When you are not satisfied with your sex life you tend to daydream and fantasize about having great sex all the time. At work, in the street or as you go about your daily activities, you can’t help it, your mind gravitates towards steamy activities. You come up with scenarios in your head of what it could have been and fantasize about men/women you see. This is your subconscious trying to fill the void or amend the sad reality. Our subconscious has a way of revealing what we really want but won’t admit it even to ourselves. Your mind will fill in the blanks created by the dissatisfaction with your partner, yourself or your experiences.

3. Binge-eating 

Sexual impulses easily transform into compulsions, that’s why there are sexual addicts. When you have an addictive personality and your sexual impulses are not met, it’s likely that you’ll compensate with something else and food is often the easiest and most accessible substitute. You find yourself craving for foods rich in fat and sugar like ice-cream, chocolate and all sorts of junk food. You rely on food and drinks to fulfill the emotional void caused by bad sex or the absence of sex. 

4. Consuming material with explicit sexual content

Watching a lot of movies, TV, reading books and magazines with explicit sexual content is a sure sign of sexual frustration. A person who is sexually deprived lives vicariously through content with plenty of sex scenes, explicit language and detailed stories of other people’s sexual experiences. They want all the juicy bits, they’ll pressure their friends for all the details in their relationship and will consume lots of porn and entertainment with explicit sexual content.

5. Feeling mentally stressed out 

The accumulated frustration you carry around because of your poor sex life grows into mental stress. You feel mentally exhausted and unable to focus or enjoy anything else, your mind keeps going back to your relationship, your insecurities and how your dissatisfaction is affecting the rest of your life. If not dealt with mental stress could easily lead to depression.

6. Losing Interest in sex

Getting used to your state of dissatisfaction in you and your patterns sack time can cause you to completely lose interest in sex. You develop a kind of hopelessness that results in an indifference about your sex life. Caring for yourself and personal hygiene like grooming don’t interest you anymore, you just don’t see the point. Its easier to give up on sex altogether than to have expectations that might never be met.

7. Having sex dreams

Dreams are a window to the subconscious mind when you find yourself having sex repeatedly in your dreams, your subconscious is trying to tell you something. These sex dreams are one of the many ways the body comes up with to release all the sexual tension that is pent up in you.

What are the causes of sexual frustration

Despite the liberal nature of our modern society, sexual frustration is an issue that is not often addressed.  Most people will never admit they’re sex-starved or deprived, out of shame or fear of judgment they’d rather hide it until it blows up in their face. Symptoms are ignored while the underlying causes are never examined. Here are some of the most common causes of sexual frustration. 

1. Loneliness

Feeling alone can be tough to handle, especially for people who are used to always being in a relationship. They find it really hard to be on their own, they feel lonely and unfulfilled emotionally and physically. This often creates a kind of emptiness that leads to sexual frustration. Also, when you have been single for so long that you can’t even remember when you last had sex or if you’ll ever get laid again, you start to feel as though that part of your life is over and out of reach, you’re well on your way to being sexually frustrated.

2. Sexual mismatch

Sexual incompatibility between partners is the primary cause of sexual frustration in relationships. The mismatch could be because one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, one partner is too selfish to meet the other’s needs or the chemistry between both partners is just non-existant  In most of such cases, when the couple can’t find a way to deal with their incompatibility, the obvious outcome is one or both partners ending up sexually deprived and frustrated. 

3. You don’t feel satisfied after sex

Feeling unsatisfied after sex is one of the main reasons for sexual frustration, it could be because your partner doesn’t know how to please you or because you’re not secure in your own skin and sexuality.  Men and women respond to sex in very different ways; men are aroused by just the thought of having sex and it’s easier for them to get an orgasm. Women, on the other hand, feel desire when they’re physically stimulated and take longer to climax. This difference if not well handled could create a disparity in your sexual encounters with Bae.

4. You don’t feel attractive enough

Self-esteem and personal image play a very important role in our sex life, you might not be having the experience you want because you’re insecure about the way you look, your sex skills, and emotions. Feeling attractive, loved and desire is a great turn on that will make things better. If you don’t feel beautiful, chances are it will reflect on your performance leaving a huge wave of dissatisfaction and frustration.

5. Physical obstacles to enjoying sex

This may be as a result of some kind of dysfunction, on one or both partners, for example, pain during sex, lack of desire or an inability to have an orgasm. Sexual dysfunction is much more difficult to spot in women than in men and sometimes the only indication or symptom is the inability to enjoy sex. The fear of getting pregnant, antidepressants, pills, drugs hormonal imbalances alongside other medical conditions

How to overcome sexual frustration

Sexual frustration is a serious problem and it shouldn’t be taken lightly, it can lead to emotional and physical issues in the long run. If addressed in time, they can be dealt with and easier to handle. Here are a few tips on how to overcome sexual frustration and depression in your relationship.

1. Talk openly with your partner

This is one of those situations where the saying ‘’honesty is the best policy’’ comes in handy. You and your partner have to address the problem openly and sincerely without blaming, finding fault or hurting each others' feelings. It might be hard to find the right words but as long as both of you see it as an obstacle to overcome together you’ll be just fine.

2. Boost your sex drive

Low sex drive is one of the most common complains couples with sexual frustrations have, and the way around this is to boost your sex drive. You could start by eating aphrodisiacs such as chocolate, avocados, almonds, coffee, walnuts, watermelon, etc. Another good idea is to add boosters like lingerie, sex toys, and sex games to improve the quality of your sexual encounters. You can choose to use visual stimulation such as porn, to get you in the mood or opt for meditation or regular exercise. All these activities will do wonders for your libido and make your sexual experience a whole lot better. 

3. Schedule Sex

As unappealing as it may sound, having sex on the clock is a good way to make time for lovemaking in your schedule. Couples with busy schedules are advised to make time for intimacy by noting it on their calendars and setting special daily, weekly or monthly routines for some downtime. You and your partner need to have a lot of sex while openly communicating what you want to each other, this is the best way to improve your sex life. Singles can opt for one-night-stands and open relationships as a means to explore their sexuality. Whatever you do, let it flow naturally, don’t force it, proceed by instinct anything short of this will make things worse.

4. Masturbate

When you get the urge for sex and there’s no one to help you, give yourself a helping hand. Get comfortable, put on some porn or use your imagination and give yourself an orgasm. This will take away your sexual frustrations, help you know yourself and your body better and boost your self-confidence. It’s a win-win.

5. Consult a sex therapist

If you try all the above and don’t succeed, you can always seek professional help, consult a sex therapist. Someone with specialized knowledge will be able to help you navigate the waters of your physical, emotional and sexual life. You and your partner should consult a therapist together so that a solution is tailored to suit you as a couple.

Related Article: The Causes and Solutions for a Sexless Relationship
The Causes and Solutions for a Sexless Relationship

What is a sexless relationship and how to save the love


Sexual frustration is a common problem among men and women that nobody really wants to talk about. No one wants to be the one to bring it up even though it’s affecting their lives but the first step to dealing with it is to talk about it openly. 
In most cases, men and women who go through sexual frustration are perfectly healthy. Be it because of a sexual mismatch, loneliness, physical obstacles or a medical condition, it should be handled before it evolves into a full-blown depression.