The definition of a Sexless Relationship
We always know the couples that are having some regular good sex in their life are because of how they connect with one another. In addition to the super happy glow regular sex couples get, they are also cheekier and more open with each other. And we are all jealous of such relationships.
Couples in a sexless relationship have little to no sex in the course of their relationship. Despite what many may think, being in a sexless relationship is actually quite common and is not privy to just the old or couples with children. Sex is most definitely not the most important part of a relationship but it is key to a healthy one. You connect with your partner in a way you can’t connect with any other person during this time alone together.
When physical intimacy is lacking in a relationship, there’s often a lot of frustration and a lack of interest and well you look more like siblings than the naughty little devils you imagine in your head. You are not alone, however. Studies suggest that for most young couples, more popularly known as the millennials, sexless relationships are more common than you could imagine and the numbers don’t seem to be going down.
Whatever age group you are in, type of relationship you have with your partner, remember how Amy wanted Sheldon to give her the Big Bang- see what I did there? No? I’ll stop now. You want to bang like bunnies, you want the neighbors to hear you or on the more realistic side, you want to get down and dirty at least a few times a week.
The causes and effects of being in a Sexless Relationship
There are several reasons why a relationship can go from uncontrollable secret-hands-in-the-alley and finding other secret spots at your friend’s party to get it on to freezing cold days, with about four people fitting in the space between you two in your bed.
Here are some reasons why there’s ice instead of red hot fire in your veins when you think of your partner.
1. Symptom of an underlying problem
The reason why you have a dead could be because of another problem that’s causing you or your partner to feel ‘unable’ to get in the mood. It could be because of an unresolved past problem or negative feelings of hatred and resentment towards each other.
2. No private time together
It may sound impossible for a young couple but lack of private time and cause things in the bedroom to fizzle out. If you’re living with other people like family or a baby is involved, time alone can be a real hassle and at some point you just give up trying to find it.
3. Fizzling out over time
So goes the story of almost every love story out there. In the beginning, things are great, the sex is amazing and you literally cannot get enough of each other. As time passes changes as you get more comfortable and used to one another causes the flame to die out in the bedroom and in comes the dryspell.
4. Accidental permanent routines
A new routine may come up and while you adjust to it you cut back on sex just a little to be picked up later. Putting off sex while you adjust becomes a thing and then the short adjustment period becomes a new permanent routine with no time for physical intimacy.
5. Mismatched libido
You know how in the movies two people just meet and then they just click sexually, that doesn’t happen all the time and when it’s happening in your relationship, it can be a really frustrating situation leading to ‘no sex’ situations.
When you or your partner is having some side action, your interest in each other diminishes and all your attention is on your new thing. Partners become less attracted to each other in such situations and the death of sex life is imminent.
7. Stress and other conditions
Stress and other conditions like depression can be a cause for decreased sexual activity in your relationship. People that go through stressful situations like in the workplace, find it difficult to be interested in sex and generally forego it to focus on 'more important' things.
8. Illness and drug abuse
A relationship can take the fall in the bedroom department if one partner is suffering from an illness. Most people lose their sex drive while undergoing certain treatments or they think it’s just too much work at the moment. Drug and substance abuse causes its victims to lose interest in sex and be more preoccupied with finding their next fix.
Effects of being in a sexless relationship
1. Low self-esteem
Especially for the partner that is being denied sex, you might feel unwanted, not attractive enough because your partner is not showing any physical interest in you. This will lead to your confidence and self-esteem taking a plunge.
For whatever reason your partner is denying you this basic human right, if it is not discussed first, you’ll think that he’s cheating right off the bat. Maybe he’s not but you can’t figure out any other reasons so you start asking questions and following him around just to see what he’s up to.
3. Sexual frustration
There is such a thing as sexual frustration if your needs are not met by your partner. Growing sexual tension in adults will guide into wanting to have sex, and even sends signals down there that you want you some and imagine not getting it for a while. Think grizzly bear anger and that will be the new you.
When the sexual frustration is through the roof and still no action from your partner (No matter what you try) the next best thing is usually going out there and finding someone that will service you well. Lack of sexual satisfaction from your partner is actually a big cause of cheating in a relationship.
5. Hatred and Contempt
Partners who don’t get satisfied might grow resentful and hate their partners. You see them as annoying little things and respect flies out the window. Partners pick little fights and may even begin publically slamming and embarrassing their partners.
How to reignite sparks in a Sexless Relationship
Lack of sex shouldn’t be the end of a relationship. All you and your partner need is to find a way to re-ignite those sparks and have the fire for each other burning again.
1. Reconnect emotionally
Remember when you used to get all the happy feels and you felt like you were soul mates with your partner? Try and get that back. Get back to basics in terms of your feelings for each other and rediscover why you are together. Bringing back that passion will cement the relationship, and you might need to call the fire department coz sex never felt that good before.
2. Take private time together
If you are not having sex because there’s no time for the two of you, then take time away together as a couple. Take that trip you always wanted to and use this rare opportunity to be interested in one another and rekindle the fire that lies beneath the skin.
3. Seek professional help
There’s no shame in admitting that you need help if your sex life is crumbling beneath your hands. Find a professional sex therapist to help you smooth things out and find your groove together as a couple.
4. Plan for dates- And sex
Plan to have date nights and when you’re going to have sex especially, if you’re not having it because of time constrains. Planning a date and sex will bring the thrill back and have you thinking of having sex with your partner which will send signals down there to get ready to rumba!
5. Be happy with one another
Sounds cliché but know the reason why you’re in a sexless relationship and take steps to fix it but also remember to be happy with your partner. You chose them for lots more reasons than just sex and it’s time to rediscover those as well.
Sex in a relationship is pretty important and when we don’t get we turn into little sex-crazed animals. The important thing to remember if your relationship is going through this is that you love your partner for more than just their prowess in the bedroom. Be patient when trying to resolve this and work together to bring back the fire. Who knows what new thing you’ll discover about yourselves along the way.