Women Confessions: What to Do if I Cheated on My Boyfriend?

Cheating can never be justified because there is always the option of walking out of a relationship before going to bed with another person. It’s not justified but that doesn’t mean that reasons that led someone to cheat don’t exist. There are several reasons why people cheat on their partners. If someone is an insensitive person who doesn’t care, that’s a mindset issue and not a reason. Now when that’s out of the way, valid causer people to cheat are lack of open communication, monotonous routine, falling out of love, having low emotional intelligence, lack of sexual satisfaction, low self-esteem or simply wanting an out.  

The act of cheating on someone doesn’t define whether you’re in love with them or not. It certainly can be a reaction to falling out of love with your partner but doesn’t always imply that you’re not in love with them anymore. You can be in love and a happily committed relationship and still end up cheating on them. The following are some reasons that may lead a person who is still in love with their partner to cheat.

It is human nature to ask questions – what if it wasn’t like this? What if in a different circumstance, I’d be better? Similarly, when a couple has been together for a very long time, they have established boundaries and ways of getting things done. This is when the need for self-exploration can kick in and drive an individual to experiment and cheat. Usually, this is just a phase that a person needs to wait out or if acted upon, satisfaction doesn’t follow. As a result, they discover they are happy in the way things are in their relationship.

Let’s get into a scenario to better explain this. Suppose that you’re a club with your girlfriends and the most perfect guy starts making a move on you. You know that you have a choice here. If you go with the flow, you’ll have a night to remember for the rest of your life and your partner doesn’t have to find about it. If you decide to back out, maybe a guy like that will always be the “one that got away”. This is the fear of missed opportunity. In such a situation, a person doesn’t cheat just for the sake of it, he/she cheat so they don’t regret it later. Little do they know about the guilt and regret that follows and makes them wish they never went down that road.

Sometimes when it has been a long time with a person, it gets extremely boring. Especially when none of the parties are ready to go the extra mile to rekindle the excitement. This can be because either of them wants the other one to take initiative but then one day, one of both decides to take the deceptive route to bring back the thrill. Yes, the thrill and excitement of sneaking around is a huge reason why people cheat. In their mind, they get the pleasure that comes from eating the forbidden fruit (the feelings of rebellion and fulfilled eagerness), and on the other hand, that makes them value the bond they have with their girlfriend/boyfriend.

The reasons discussed above are the ones that stand when the cheater decides to cheat despite being in love with their partner. A person also cheats when they have fallen out of love. Evaluating how you feel after cheating is the way you can find out whether you want to save your relationship or let it go. So, do you regret cheating on your boyfriend? The answer will always be yes with people who have a healthy conscience. Evaluate further, where is the regret stemming from? If it’s solely from the fact that they will be hurt when they find out and not by the fear that you might have ruined the best thing in your life – girl, you’re not in love.

According to some researches, it isn’t a good idea to tell your partner that you cheated, especially if you know that it is not going to happen again. Not telling him that you cheated isn’t for you but them; they don’t deserve to feel that hurt because of you. If you’ve decided to come clean, here is how you need to proceed.

Coming clean about sharing the sheets with someone else sets off many ugly events. You need to brace yourself to face everything that’s about to come your way when you share this with him. This is an important step so that you don’t make any further mistakes to hurt him even more as a reaction to what he does when he’s processing this information. He might say things that will hurt you and can get a reaction out of you that will make the situation worse. So, be prepared before going in.  

Having a conversation requires a personal space where both of you can be vulnerable. Ask him to clear his schedule for a day and sit at a place where there is privacy and nobody will disturb you for a good amount of time.

You can just make him sit down and go, “I cheated on you”. You need to prepare him with a few sentences that will prepare him for the intensity and sensitivity of the topic. Go for something like, “I need you to be very patient with me. Before I say what I’m about to say, please know that I love you. I will respect whatever you will decide”. Then come clean.

You have to understand that no matter what he did to you, no matter what led you to cheat, your actions cannot be justified. Don’t say things like you left me alone, you stopped putting in the effort. These sentences will only show him that you’re not owning up to your mistake.

He needs the space and time to think this through and make sure to give him that. This can be a few hours alone in his room or days or maybe a month – patience on your side is necessary too.  

If you’ve decided to tell him, here are a few ways you can fix your relationship:

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Don’t get offended if he doesn’t trust you right away because you’ll have to earn it again.

Seeking couple’s therapy is the most effective way to fix your relationship. Therapists have helped a lot of couples recover from a cheating incident which is why they know exactly the areas that have been damaged and the actions that are needed to mend it.

Know that he’s trying to trust you again too. To trust you, he will ask a lot of questions. He might even ask you a lot of questions on what happened, whom it happened with etc. Be patient with him and answer with honesty.

This is a very sensitive time for your relationship. The better way is to not involve anyway unless you’ve reached a safe place but if you have to, be extremely selective. The company of wrong people at this time can be the final blow to whatever’s left between you two.

You need to forgive yourself to find closure. If you have decided to come clean about this, his forgiveness will be the closure that you need. Humans make mistakes. As long as you don’t repeat the same mistake and you learn from this experience, you’ve got your closure. Another tip is to wait it out. Time is the best healer after all.

The article isn’t giving justifications for cheating but a break-down of feelings that may help in understanding why someone or you have cheated on your boyfriend. Humans make mistakes but what’s repeated again and again is a pattern. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If your relationship survives this blow, both of you will stand stronger than ever. If it doesn’t you’ll make better choices next time and grow as a person.