Divorce And Separation: Free Yourself And Your Family From The Emotional And Physical Impacts
When two people come together in marriage the last thing on their mind is divorce, despite all the scary statistics everyone believes their relationship will be the one to stand the test of time. But sometimes no matter how hard we try, things just spiral out of control. We go through all the stages of love and finally realize that the best way forward is to split. Though divorce is one of the hardest and most stressful situations a couple can go through, it’s sometimes inevitable. Are you at that point? Do you wonder if you’ll be able to navigate this difficult stage? Rest assured you’re not the only one, people are much more open to sharing their experiences than ever before to help you transition this stage as smoothly as possible.
While each and every relationship is unique, one thing divorce and separation have in common is the emotional and physical turmoil it puts you and your family through. Knowing how to navigate these challenges will help minimize the damage it will cause at the end of the tunnel. The manner in which you choose to approach your divorce will determine the impact it will have on your life moving forward. Here are some tips to help you survive the end of your marriage.
Divorce Advice For Stay At Home Moms
Stay at home moms are likely to feel the void of a divorce more than busy moms, their routine gives them time to think and this can easily lead to depression. They get lost in their thoughts while cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and other chores that permit multi-tasking. As a stay at home mom, you may want to focus on the following.
1. Be honest with yourself
Something as hard as divorce has a way of bringing out the worst in the best of us, there’s no such thing as a good divorce and as peaceful as you may want it to be, there’s no way to go about it without ruffling some feathers. But in the midst of everything, it’s important, to be honest, and stay true to yourself. Don’t act out or lash out and do things you never do or that you’ll end up regretting. Ask yourself if you’re being reasonable and doing everything in your power to make the transition as smooth as possible. No matter what happens, stay true to who you are and do you at all times.
2. Don’t go through it alone
Locking everything in is never healthy, that’s the fastest route to depression. Share your feelings, worries, and concerns with your family and friends or join a support group where you can talk to people going through the same situation. As much as you might want to be alone, isolation is not the best way to tackle this, it’s okay to be by yourself every once in a while to sort out your emotions but just for a bit. Prolonged isolation will only lead to stress and depression, talk to someone, seek professional help if necessary.
3. Explore other interests
This is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself, explore new things and reconnect with old things you enjoy. If you have always wanted to learn how to play an instrument, try a new hobby, volunteer, go back to school, make new friends or travel the world this is your chance. Think positive and look ahead towards all the options open to you. Create new activities for your kids, make new exciting memories that will make the transition easier for you and your kids. It’s all about filling the void in your life with positive and constructive activities until time can do its healing magic.
Divorce Advice For Dads
Dads are the ones everyone expects to be strong, not complain or cry, but they're human and have feelings too. As a dad, you have to grieve and take the time to heal properly without losing sight of your role as a provider and head of your family.
4. Recognize that it’s OK to have mixed feelings
It’s normal to feel angry, sad, exhausted, frustrated and confused, all these feelings can be overwhelming and leave you feeling anxious about the future. Allow yourself to go through all the different stages as they come. Don’t try to ignore them, be in denial or jump into a new relationship to stop yourself from feeling this cocktail of emotions. Men often act like everything is fine and under control even though it’s not. The healthy thing to do is to face them head-on no matter how frightening they are.
5. Give yourself a break.
Don’t act like it’s business as usual, give yourself permission to be a mess, you will not be able to be as productive as always for some time. Be it at your job or at taking care of those around you, you’ll have to drop the ball for a bit. Cut yourself some slack and know that nobody expects you to be on top of your game during this period, you’re not superman. Give yourself a break and take the time to heal properly without feeling guilty for not delivering 100 percent.
6. Keep the kids out of it
Nothing makes an already difficult situation impossible like having little lives on the line. When kids are in the picture, they come first. Your priority is not about how you and your partner feel but how the situation is affecting your kids. Keep in mind that whatever your differences are, it’s between you two, never drag your kids into it. No matter how old they are, leave them out of it. Unless you want to emotionally damage your kids, don’t bad mouth your partner in front of them, don’t ask them to pick sides, just reassure them of your love and support.
Divorce Advice For Moms Who Are Working
Joggling a career and family is never an easy feat, add a divorce or separation into the mix and it becomes a catastrophe of epic proportions. Here's how to navigate this situation without having a nervous breakdown.
7. Take all the time you need.
Time is the one thing that will help you heal, there’s just no way around it, you can’t fast forward the process, I wish you could but unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Going through a divorce is rough and scary so don’t rush or pressure yourself into moving on or throwing yourself into your work, take all the time you need to heal. It doesn’t matter what other people who might have gone through divorce tell you, each situation is unique. Whether you like it or nor divorce is bound to change you, there’s no way you’ll stay the same after such an ordeal but it’s up to you to choose the changes you allow, positive or negative it’s all in your hands.
8. Don’t feel guilty
Guilt is a huge factor in all cases of divorce and separation, especially when there are children in the picture. As a parent, you feel you have failed and let your kids down by breaking up your family. It’s normal to feel that way but don’t let it linger, remember it’s better for your kids to have parents who are happy apart than together and miserable. Even though we all wish for a happily ever after when we get married, the truth is people, circumstances and relationships change. Forever is never guaranteed and that’s okay, it’s all part of being human. As long as you know you have done everything in your power to make it work, it’s going to be fine.
Divorce Advice For A Cheating Husband
Betrayal hurts, especially when it comes from someone who swore to cherish and protect you. However, the manner in which you respond to it is entirely up to you. What can you do when your split is a result of cheating? We have some tips.
9. Tone down your anger
Anger and resentment are two constant buddies that accompany you through separation and divorce. When a marriage breaks down, no matter who’s fault it was or even if it was mutual one partner always feels cheated and used. And when a spouse actually cheated it’s even worse, the other spouse is full of anger, hurt and feelings of betrayal that run deep. What you want to do here is to put your feelings aside and be practical, don’t let your emotions guide your actions, be kind, respectful and focus on a peaceful separation.
Pointing fingers and apportioning blame is never a good idea, though it’s easier said than done, try not to take it personally. Avoid power struggles and arguments with your ex, If a discussion turns into a fight, calmly take a step back or walk away. The only way you get peace of mind is by letting go.
10. Forget Revenge
If there’s ever a chance of you drifting to the dark side and becoming a serial killer it’s when you’ve been cheated on. You find yourself nurturing feelings of revenge and thinking of ways to make your partner feel the same pain he has inflicted on you. Beating them up, slashing their tires, tearing up all their clothes, throwing their car down a ditch, you think of it all. As long as it remains a thought, you’re fine.
No matter how hurt you are; never take it upon yourself to revenge, let karma take care of it. Revenge may seem like a good idea at the time but it actually isn’t, you won’t get the satisfaction and relief you think it will bring. Only time heals and with a little effort on your part, you can spend this time building yourself.
Whether you want it to or not, a divorce is bound to change you but you can decide to see this as a period of self-discovery, an opportunity to get to know the new you and nurture yourself to be who you want. Explore new hobbies and try new things, fall in love with the new you. Take care of your mind and body by incorporating exercise, healthy eating, and relaxation into your routine. Try to avoid making major decisions or drastic life changes. Don’t use alcohol, drugs, cigarettes or jump into a new relationship as a way to cope; it will only lead to more problems.