Dating Rule: How Many Dates Should You Go On Before Sex?

We all get the jitters thinking about the first time to slip between the sheets with someone new. So how many dates do you need to have before sex?

By Sarah
Dating Rule: How Many Dates Should You Go On Before Sex?

The Preface

From the brilliant book, "Of Course You're Still Single, Take A Look at Yourself You Dumb Slut," it is technically 17 dates is the magical number you have to have before you sleep with someone. Rules, shmules though, am I right? This is the twenty first century, where people should be able to do what they like with their bodies. Sex can mean different things to different people and at different times too. Why count how many dates you really need when you can just have fun and use this handy guide of dates to have before you have sex.

The date where you meet

Do you see a real future with them?

Ahh, yes, I am talking about first dates, or even the night were you first meet--at that bar, concert, club, or wherever you guys decided to meet off of Tinder... First dates and one night stands can honestly be a great time to have sex. Why? Well, if you don't really want to see them again, but you both want to sleep together, then go for it! There is no problem with this as long as it's consensual. Beware of catching feelings though, it makes things messy and complicated. If you both are already on the date, and you know it really isn't going any where past this one night, you might as well make it fun and go in for the first move. One of the greatest sex moves for the first date is The Naked Man. It is where he/she goes to the restroom make yourself comfortable, take all your clothes off, and strike your sexiest pose. Just wait for them to come back in and either 1) throw something at you and ask you to leave, or 2) giggle and be totally impressed with your confidence and have great (pity) sex with you. Either way you won't have to see them again if you don't want so go out with a bang. Having sex on the first date can be awesome, but you need to either be really good at reading people or ok with coming off as a "jerk." Some people can be ok with banging on the first date and not expecting anything after. However, some do, and if you are meeting those expectations...well, you might leave a bitter taste in their mouth It's ok though--you'll both move on. There is also that chance, that maybe, just maybe, you guys just start off super steamy and keep a relationship flame afterwards, and if that's the case: Congrats! Ya'll are kind of one of those mythical unicorn love bird stories, so good luck!

The date of thrice

Three dates before sex almost always secures that there is interest from both parties.

This is also known as the Golden Rule of Three. All good things come in threes, ever since the beginning of time, even the Romans knew this because in Latin it is omne trium perfectum. Think about it, the Three Musketeers, Charlie's Angles, tricycles, BLTs...the list goes on--therefore, three dates is the holy sex trinity. By three dates hopefully you know their name, their occupation, and one thing that makes them laugh. Maybe you guys have shared a lingering hug or kiss already too. You have also been seen in public so there is hope that they aren't a crazy axe murderer. You've got a lot going for you by now, you are invested and put in some effort to see this guy/gal/them, but not too much that if it's a disappointment you're life isn't a total waste like you liberal arts degree. Three dates is long enough that you can get to know them, but not too long that they might get bored and run off, unless it takes you two months to even make it to three dates because you both are so insanely busy. If that's the case then you know they are a keeper, and the sex should be amazing, which it was, speaking for a friend. Also by three dates, you should have an idea of what this is: if this is not going anywhere, if this is just a casual hook up, or if this could lead to more. You don't have to decide and define the relationship, but having an idea before you jump into bed is a good idea.

The date where she invites you over

This might take a long time, but it is a good indicator.

Getting an invite to come over is a huge deal, and yes this counts in your dates log even if it's just briefly before or after the actual date. It is almost guaranteed that their interested because no one invites you over for no reason. Women usually wait for the guy to make the first move so for her to ask you to come inside her place is a semi-sexual advance in the relationship. Tips for starting the intimacy for both parties include: Guys: Compliment her, her home decor, and always say that her place is nice and clean even if it isn't. Play the home invite cool--don't expect to sleep together as soon as you walk in the door. If you are really wanting to sweep her off her feet, and a relationship might be on it's way, bring flowers and beer or wine. Girls: Actually try to clean up before he comes over, no one, NO ONE, likes pigs. The most common way to get a guy is through his stomach so plan something yummy that you can cook together. Sensual lighting is also a good move. I have also heard the advice of simply wearing something nice (and no underwear) will win a man over. The moral of the story though, try to be cute and impress each other. No one can be wooed to bed without a good, hardy try. Things will get very intimate very quickly and you won't be able to keep your hands off each other.

The date where you laugh the most

Laughing so much you knock more than your socks off is always a great way to start before you slip between the sheets. Funny guys always get the girl because humor is one of the most valued attributes in both genders, and is a sign of good chemistry early on in a relationship. Intimacy is also generally ignited with cute soft smiles, so before you start thinking about having sex with this person, break out your best dad jokes and giggles to get into the mood. If you are really clever and witty, you won't even have to worry about how many dates you are suppose to have before sex, just make sure she is laughing with you and not at you. This is not the time or date to pull out all of your cheesy, terrible pickup lines. Make your dates fun, do something exciting like something you both have never tried before. There will definitely be laughs and stories then. Honestly, the more dates you spending laughing and joking together the better. It lightens the mood and takes the pressure off of trying to get everything right. Laughing keeps you both young and improves health, and so does sex, so let one punch line lead to the next, and then into the bedroom.

The date where you both open up

But how long will it take you to open up? Quick and dirty sex is fun and exciting, especially when you have to ask, "What's your name again?" But all the one night stands can leave you feeling pretty crummy and washed up sometimes. There is something pretty great about sex when feelings are included, so before you sleep together, spend some of your dates focusing on meaningful conversations. The intimacy really lowers the nervousness that you might feel having sex with a person for the first time because you get so caught up staring into their eyes that you don't even have to think about the next move. Guys: Talk about something she's interested in, watch her light up when she talks about something she's passionate about. Girls: You already know that the guy doesn't want to talk about his feelings and all that other mushy crap, so again same thing, watch him get excited talking about his interests. Let him tell you his favorite football team or what happened at work. The more comfortable you are talking and listening to each other, the easier, and more fun, sleeping together will be.

The dates where you wait

Before you have sex, make sure you are even both ready

There can never be too many dates to have before you have sex. Sometimes it takes a year to be with someone before you both decide that you are ready. You never know, maybe one of you is a virgin. Maybe one of you experienced something that changes how you view sex. Maybe she's just on her period when you decide you're ready. Never be pushy about sex. The best way to know how many dates to have before sex is to simply ask. Some people need to be in a relationship and feel that intimacy before they want to have sex. In this case, it would be however many dates you need to decide if you want to be in a relationship or not. The choice is yours--love or lust. The best is to go into it without expectations from them, but knowing what you want. As you can tell, there isn't really a set, certain, or specific number for how many dates you should have before having sex. And even if there were how many of us would actually follow that? The best advice I can give you is to figure out what you want. What are you really looking for? Sometimes it's something meaningful, but sometimes it's a rebound, or just something casual, and that is totally fine. Whatever your reason may be, always recognize that you are dealing with another person that has feelings and there is always consequences. "Tis better to have (tried to have sex) and lost, than to have never (tried) at all."--almost Alfred Lord Tennyson


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