Dating a Married Man, What Is It Like?
Dating a married man is mentally draining. It's not something you can put up on a billboard as you don't want to be crowned the "the bit*h", the "homewrecker". You want to show him off to the world because he is gorgeous, charming, understanding and most importantly, you are in love. But because of his marital status, you have to keep it a secret.
There will be a lot of heartaches because until he actually gets a divorce, it's highly unlikely that you will spend the holidays with him. He still has his wife and in-laws to care for. You will never climb on top of his priority list if he has a legitimate wife next to him.
Now, dating a married man is not necessarily an evil thing. There are many plausible scenarios. A lot of married couples whose sparks were long gone, they stay married because of the financial situations or because of the kids whatnot. Couples in that situation would usually have mutual consent that they will start seeing other people. In that case, your man isn't cheating on his wife with you and you shouldn't feel so guilty as the wife knows about you and is cool with it.
However, if the wife doesn't know, this is when it gets complicated. He is telling you their spark is long gone but he can't file for divorce for whatever reasons. The bottom line, the wife doesn't know and that constitutes cheating. Maybe it's true that they have been considering a divorce. Maybe she is cheating on him too. But without mutual consent between him and his wife, you would easily come off as the evil home wrecker.
How you want to tackle this is really your personal choice. But always remember that, if he can one-sidedly decide their spark is dead and look for a new romance, one day he might just do the same to you. How he managed the situation says a lot about how he will manage the situation with you 10 years from now.
Dating a married man is surely a rollercoaster ride. The ups and downs and the worrying about getting caught. Should you really believe his words that he will divorce his wife and start fresh with you?
How To Tell If He Is Really Going To Get a Divorce?
Actions and time.
If you know how, it's actually very simple to see through the intents of someone. Does it feel like he is constantly stalling on getting the divorce? Does he come up with a new excuse every time and if you get upset he tells you you are not being understanding of him? Does he tell you if you love him you should support him and patiently wait?
There's only so long you can wait. Some people waited for 10 years before they realized the man they loved was never going to divorce the wife. They just wanted to have an affair. Time is the best method to tell and that doesn't mean you should spend years waiting to see.
If he wants to be with you, he will find a way to divorce her even within a year. It's all about motivation and willingness. He has the courage to lie to his wife about your affair but not for a divorce? Are you really so understanding of the situation that you are willing to see his wife being lied to while you will never have a chance to start clean with him?
On the other hand, if he truly wants to divorce her, you will see him preparing for it. Like meeting a lawyer, arranging finances, and even what to do with the kids, etc. You won't see him living his normal life and nothing changes. You will see a change if he really does want to start clean with you. You will see him preparing for your future and preparing to end it with his wife.
Should I Contact The Wife?
Depends. This could really go both ways and might end up doing more harm to you. If the wife already knows about you, you can contact her to talk about how to proceed with things and how to finalize the divorce, etc. It's all very civil when both sides know of each other and can see it rationally. It also helps with the divorce process.
However, if the wife doesn't know, that's when it gets tricky. You contacting her is going to expose the affair and put pressure on your man to leave her and hoping for her to file for a divorce too. It's not going to fly well with your man for sure but it also forces him to evaluate his relationship and how much he does want to be with you.
In the end, there's never a good excuse to waste someone's time and love. And by keeping his affair with you from others, he is wasting both you and his wife's life and time. He just wants to have it all and by letting all parties know what is going on, you are forcing him to make a choice.
What Do I Do If Others Find Out And Put The Blame On Me?
The last thing you want is to be dating a coworker and your colleagues find out and you two become the center of office gossips. Naturally, most people would be putting the blame on you because they would see you as the "mistress". You have to expect that virtually no one would encourage you to do that because it's morally wrong and he may never get a divorce for you.
If you are determined to be with a married man, you need to learn to filter out those comments and channel out the negativity. There will always be bumps when you are dating a married man, all the judgemental comments and advice telling you to quit this relationship. Understand the storm of hail that's coming your way and stay strong if that's your decision. Be prepared because you do have to understand that most people would not be supportive. The best you could do is to explain as much as you are comfortable with and brace yourself for the impact.
How to Start Clean After He Gets The Divorce?
If you start fresh with him, you have to trust him completely. For many women that dated a married man, their common fear is that one day their man will leave them for someone else. It's a rational fear because after all, it has already happened once, what is stopping him from doing it again?
In the end you just have to control your emotions. If you go around thinking your man will leave you, you will never be truly happy with him. Don't mention about him leaving his wife for you and don't get fixated on how it went down.
Look forward to the future, to what you can both achieve in life together. For your mutual friends and family, you only need to tell them what you are comfortable with. You don't owe anyone an explanation besides the wife, who was in this relationship too. As long as you are comfortable, you can share as much as you want.
Build a good relationship with his friends. They probably won't be a fan of you if you don't understand the full picture, but you should try to make amends with them rather than making your man cut them out. Find the balance and carry on with your life.
Should I Really Be Dating A Married Man?
It's your choice after all. Don't do something out of love if you feel it's morally wrong. If you decide to do it. make sure how you can do it and not hurt others. Does everyone know what's going on or will you have to lie to the wife? The last thing you want is really to have the wife in the dark because it's unfair to her and it only shows that for all you know, you could be her in a few years.
In the end, you have your decision to make and make one that you believe is acceptable.
Dating a married man is hard. It's never going to be just rainbow and flowers like other relationships. You will be facing a lot of challenges together. Only you can tell if it's worth the heartaches. For what it's worth, now you would have a clearer understanding as to if your man is really planning to leave his wife for you and you should have a clearer decision on what you want to do!