8 Reasons He Keeps You But Doesn't Want A Relationship

What to do when I feel stuck in limbo in my relationship?

By Melissa L.
8 Reasons He Keeps You But Doesn't Want A Relationship

What Is A “Situationship”?

Don’t worry, we’ve all been there: the relationship started out great. It was all fireworks, butterflies, and joy. Then, time passed, and you slowly started to realize that maybe things were not unfolding the way you expected them to. You told yourself it was normal, that perhaps it was usual for some couples to go through something like this, and that it was only a matter of time until he realized he definitely wanted to be with you. After all, you had such a great, fiery start, right?

It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you might be stuck in limbo in your relationship, especially when you felt such a deep connection with your partner and you were sure he felt the same way about you. It’s not easy to realize that, even though he might care about you, he may not want to stay in a relationship with you in the long run. What should you do when confronted with this situation and the conflicting feelings that come with it? 

There are several types of romantic relationships, and a “situationship” is one of them. This term is usually used to describe a relationship that has not been specifically defined just yet. It’s normal for new relationships to take a while before they are defined by the two parties involved, and a lot goes on during that time: going on dates, having long conversations to get to know each other, kissing, spending time together, and sometimes even sex.

It’s completely healthy for new partners to want to take their time before putting a label on their relationship. Problems arise when one of the people in the relationship is absolutely certain that it’s headed somewhere and wants to label it ASAP, but the other one just doesn’t seem to get a clue. They won’t make a move to take the relationship further or, in case they’re not feeling it anymore, to put an end to it and give the other person some sort of closure.

How Do I Know If I Am in one?

Finding yourself in a “situationship” is a heavy blow and a complicated subject to tackle. Since you haven’t defined your relationship yet, there are no guidelines and no ‘rules’, so you don’t really know if you should be feeling the way you do, or if you’re even entitled to talk to him about it. Fear of coming off as clingy or annoying might also be one of the things you’re feeling. It’s not an easy situation to solve, but there are a lot of things you can do, and the first one is to determine if you’re actually stuck in one. Some signs might be:

1. He’s always talking about his future, but you’re not in it

He keeps talking about his best friend’s wedding three months from now, but not a single word about you coming along. Whatever plans he makes in the near or distant future, he doesn’t mention whether or not he wants you to be a part of them.

2. He’s flaky

He cancels plans, changes them last minute, or never shows up in the first place. His unsteadiness makes you feel like you’re not his priority and that he doesn’t care about you, your time, or your feelings.

3. You feel insecure about the relationship

Because you can’t really talk about what’s going on, you can’t trust him. You can’t really have faith in the relationship, because there isn’t even one to start with.

4. You haven’t had ‘the talk’ yet

Neither of you has put a label on what you have. You don’t know where you stand in the relationship and it’s making you anxious.

What Are The Things He Usually Says If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You?

The number one sign to look out for is him making excuses. If he’s constantly making excuses about why he can’t hang out today, or why he won’t take you to his friend’s party, it’s time to keep your eyes open. Then, he’ll probably avoid having ‘the talk’ with you and will try to let you down easy by saying things like “oh, but we’re having such a good time”, “you know I don’t like it when we get all serious”, “we’re having fun, do we really need to talk about it right now?”. He’ll make sure you know he’s having a good time with you, but will never give you the chance to speak up about your true feelings. 

Men are easier to read than we think since they’re usually pretty direct when it comes to saying what’s on their minds. However, if you’ve unwillingly found yourself in a situationship, it could be because your man has some trouble communicating his feelings and thoughts. If you feel like yours is definitely a situationship and your man just won’t talk to you about it, the next step is to analyze the relationship and try and figure out what his motives might be. 

8 Reasons He Keeps You But Doesn’t Want A Relationship

Truth be told, we can’t write down all of the reasons why he might not want to have a relationship and is putting off telling you. However, these are some of the most common ones:

1. You’re always available

He loves having you a text away. You’re always down for anything and everything, and he knows that, if he calls, you’ll be there.

2. He likes showing you off

Perhaps his friends think you’re super hot or you’re way out of his league and everyone envies him. Either way, he loves the attention he gets when he’s with you.

3. You’re having amazing sex

Having amazing chemistry in the bedroom doesn’t mean he wants to make it official outside of it. Sometimes casual sex is all they’re looking for!

4. He wants something from you

Do you hold some power over his professional life? Are you helping him with something important? This one’s hard to hear, but it’s also a possibility that he isn’t in it just for love and has an ulterior agenda.

5. He has someone else…

Another reason could be that he already has a steady relationship he hasn’t told you about.

6. ...But you give him something they don’t

​​​​​​Their significant other might not be enough for him in every aspect, and he finds something in you that he can’t find in them. He can’t break up his relationship, but he loves what he gets from you and he doesn’t want to give that up, either.

7. He likes being with you, but hates commitment

Maybe you just ran into a commitment-phobe! Unfortunately, those are a dime a dozen. 

8. He doesn’t know what he wants

He could have real, strong feelings towards you, but he just hasn’t figured out yet what it is that he wants. And until he does, he doesn’t want to let you go, either.

Do I Confront Him About it? How?

First of all, you need to ask yourself: am I being hurt by this situationship I’m in? Do I like him enough to stick around even though things might not change? What exactly do I want out of my relationship with him? You have to remember that, no matter how much you might want to work things out, it takes two to tango. It is important that you are both on the same page and are able to freely communicate how you feel. Communication is key in any long-lasting relationship. 

Before you talk to him, you have to realize that, if you two talk and can’t come to an agreement, there’s a possibility that the relationship might end for good. If you confront him about your feelings and he flat out tells you he doesn’t want a relationship and never will, the healthiest thing you can possibly do is to move on completely. It will be hard, but it’s for the best. 
 
If you’ve decided to talk to him about it, do it somewhere quiet and calm when you both have a lot of time to talk. Express your feelings and leave space for him to express his, as well. Make sure you hear each other out and respect each other’s feelings, as well. It’s best to lay it all out on the table and make a decision only after you’ve both heard each other’s points of view.

Related Article: 10 Signs That Reveals You Are in Situationship
10 Signs That Reveals You Are in Situationship

In a Relationship with No Label? You Are in a Situationship

Summary

The important thing when dealing with a situationship is, first and foremost, to understand what you want. Are you happy with things the way they are right now? Do you want them to change? Are you willing to accept the consequences that might come along after you talk to your partner? Communication is key when it comes to getting what you want in a relationship. Just remember you must always act in your best interest and do what’s best for you and nobody else.

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