We’re all familiar with the “Waiting till the 3rd Date before Having Sex” rule, and for those who don’t know - the dating rule states that you should wait until the third date before having sex since it gives both the parties involved some time to discover what the other person is about and not be considered too “easy".
Honestly, no. First of all, I do not believe in dating rules – I think it all depends on the person you are seeing and how comfortable you are with them. I think the third date rule was created by some misogynistic men who think that women owe them sex.
Being demisexual, I only experience sexual attraction to people I have an emotional connection with, and by the third date, I’m pretty sure the only thing I’d know about what the person likes and doesn’t like, but I wouldn’t have that emotional connection with them. Other than that, a lot of asexual/aromantic people have similar views.
Sex is different for everyone, and it should depend on the two consenting adults whether they want to have sex or not; a dating rule shouldn’t determine that.
Is Hanging Out A Date?
I think it depends… If I am in a relationship with someone and they ask me if I want to “hang out” then yes of course it is a date; however if one of my friends of the opposite sex asked me if I want to “hang out”, even if it is just the two of us alone, then no, it is not a date – a date should be pre-planned. Dates are supposed to be romantic, so if I am just hanging out with someone I am in love with, it is a date for me. Hanging out with someone casually and platonically for me is not a date.
How Many Dates Before A Couple Is Considered Dating?
Again, I think it depends. Generally, I think 3-4 dates within a month or so are enough to term it as “dating”. Both parties should ask each other the awkward “What Are We?” question and communicate to each other; since the situation is different for everyone and the action of going on dates doesn’t factor in unless both parties agree and say “we are dating”.
Communication truly is the key when it comes to transitioning from the talking stage to the dating stage. During these stages, you can explore more of your options and not put all of your eggs in one basket, unless you are exclusively dating; which is generally considered as the stage right before a relationship. Communication is important because, in my opinion, talking stages should not go on for longer than 3-4 months because the more comfortable you get, the more you’ll see no reason to become an “item” all because of the access and comfort that you have given each other.
Does Dating Mean You Are In A Relationship?
No! About 2 years back, I started speaking to a guy on Tinder; we spoke for about a month before the meeting, and we vibed the whole time. The guy then asked me on a date, and we went on a date the next day and it was amazing, we decided to “hang out” the next day too and it was just confusing, the whole time I was thinking whether it was a date or if it was just two friends hanging out casually. Meanwhile, the guy thought that since I said yes to the date, that meant that we were in a relationship; and as much as I liked him, I wasn’t ready for a relationship after the first date! So, you are not in a relationship unless you both officially say that you are in a relationship.
Dating is the stage right before a relationship. A lot of people date more than one person to explore more of their options so to consider that you are in a monogamous relationship with someone who you are dating is just… wrong.
What Does The Third Date Mean?
The third date for me means that the person I am seeing things that I am interested in and the person enjoys my company enough to see me for the third time. What the third date entails is for the two people involved in the situation to decide; no one else should have a say in what the two decide to do. We are living in the 21st century and there are no guidelines when it comes to dating.
The 3rd third is often referred to as the date on which you should have sex with the person you are seeing; however, if you’re two grown consenting adults then it depends on you, if you want to have sex on the third date, have sex on the third date! But, the third date doesn't mean that you NEED to have sex, even the 8th date doesn't mean that you need to have sex! You want to wait till you're married when the full moon is hanging low and it is Friday the 13th? Go ahead! That is the cool thing about being adults, only you get to decide when you are okay with having sex.
Why Do We Wait Till The Third Date To Have Sex?
It is totally up to the people whether they want to have sex on the third date or not, however, here are some of the reasons why you should wait until the third date to have sex:
1. Shows That You Have Self-Respect
Self-respect is the value you give yourself; thus one of the things about waiting till the third date to have sex is that it shows that you value yourself and your body enough and that you are not “easy” or “desperate”. Since by the third date, you get to know the person you are seeing on a more personal level, it also shows that you waited for the right person. Sex can make or break a relationship, and since everything is considered to be too easy now, it is better to get to know the person better and then sleep with them.
2. Allows You To Get To Know The Person Beforehand
There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting to know the person first before sleeping with them and taking things slow. It is very important, for me at least, to get to know the person I am seeing on a more personal level and creating a special bond with them before rushing to sex; it is also one of the reasons why a lot of relationships don't last these days. Sex will never be a good foundation of a successful relationship; the friendship, the emotional connection, and the bond that you share is. You could be with someone who satisfies you sexually but until you have that emotional connection, it won’t work out.
3. Confusing Sexual Feelings With Romantic Feelings
Confusing sexual feelings with romantic ones, we’ve all been there! Many people confuse lust, infatuation, and sexual feelings with love. If you’re having sex on the first date, you might jump into something more serious thinking that the person is oh so perfect and flawless. By the third date, as I mentioned above, you get to know the person on a more personal level, you find out their flaws and the baggage yet you still think that they’re amazing. Once those sexual feelings are gone and Mr./Mrs. Perfect isn’t so perfect anymore, the disagreements and differences will begin to show.
4. Avoid Time-wasters
If the person you are seeing is just looking for someone to hook-up or sleep around with, waiting for the third date will help you to get rid of people who are in the dating pool just to waste time or play around. A player or time-waster would never want to put in the effort or wait till the third date just for a fling, which will save your own time and energy. Because of the third date rule, you will attract people who want to get to know you rather than being there simply for just sex.
5. Makes You Feel More Comfortable
By the third date, you know the person you are seeing enough and you get more comfortable around them; thus, if you do decide to have sex after or on the third date, chances are that you are probably a lot more comfortable with them than you were on the first date or the first time you met. A lot of people are insecure about the way their body is or not that happy with the way they look; the third date entails that the person enjoys your presence and your company and is not in it just for looks.
6. You Find Out Whether The Person Respects Your Decision
If the topic of sleeping together comes up, let the person know that you want to wait at least until the third date to sleep with them; their reaction will clearly show what kind of person they are and whether they respect your decision or not. Sex is different for everyone; something that one person is comfortable with and considers normal might be uncomfortable for the other person, you need to know before sleeping with someone whether they will respect your decisions. Consent is very important when it comes to sex; if someone doesn’t respect your decisions, they will most likely not respect your consent either.
7. You Can Communicate To Each Other About What You Both Enjoy
The more you know a person, the easier it is to communicate to them about what you like and enjoy and what you do not like in bed. You get more comfortable with the person you are seeing by the third date, which makes it easier for both parties to tell each other what they want to do, what they enjoy, what they want to try with each other, or what positions they want to experiment with. Communication is important, even if the sex is bad; by the third date, you are comfortable enough with the person to express it.
8. Sexual Tension Can Make The Experience Better
The sexual tension, teasing, the subtle movements and the anticipation of having sex between two people is often better than the actual sex! Anticipation can happen naturally at the start of any relationship, especially when you don’t know each other fully yet and don’t know what the sex will be like; waiting for the third date can increase and intensify the sexual tension between both parties, which is a turn on for many, and leads to better sex. The anticipation is just as important as the actual act; it is so powerful, kind of like how magnets attract their opposites.
Does The Third Date Rule Really Work?
Yes and no. There are people you can have sex with people right on the first date and then there are people you date for days or months and never have sex with. It honestly depends on each relationship, the type of person, and the connection you both share. You can have a strong bond with someone and want to have sex with them right away and you can have a strong bond with someone and not want to have sex with them for days or months. It varies with each person and no timeline in the world can be applied to everyone.
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to something as personal as sex. It depends on the situation and about what the two consenting adults want. However some of the reasons why you should wait for the third date are that the anticipation makes it better, you truly know the person and are not shy about communicating!