11 Signs You Are Dating Someone Emotionally Immature

These are eleven of the signs to use to help identify whether or not you are dating someone who is emotionally immature.

By Rose Elementary
11 Signs You Are Dating Someone Emotionally Immature

Is your guy emotionally immature?

Dating men who are emotionally immature can be exhausting. Here are eleven signs that your husband or boyfriend is emotionally immature and some tips to help you handle this relationship.

1. This is his first long term relationship

One of the first signs of emotionally immature men is that they've never been in a long term relationship. The thing about men who are emotionally immature is that they hate to be alone, but they have trouble maintaining a long term relationship. If dating you is his first time being with a woman for more than a few weeks or a couple of months, it's probably because of his immature personality. One way to help your boyfriend or husband get over his immature commitment phobia is to be patient with him. If he's trying to be with you for a long time, it means he's putting in effort, but he'll need help. Try to sit down and have a conversation as adults about what you each expect from this relationship. If your goals don't align well, then maybe this relationship isn't right for either of you. The best way to get through to an emotionally immature man in his first long term relationship is conversation, though. It won't work if you don't talk about it!

2. Literally everything is a joke

A woman loves a man who can make her laugh, there's no doubt about it. Men who can make jokes are great. But men who only make jokes; not so great. If your guy seems to make a joke out of everything, he's probably emotionally immature. This can be anything from laughing when your leather chair makes a farting noise to dancing around the grocery store with a bag of peanuts. The biggest problem, though, is that he can't be serious. You're trying to have a conversation as adults and he can't stop cracking jokes. You try to sit your husband or boyfriend down to discuss the bills that are due, but he won't stop drawing stick figures on the envelopes to make a flip book. Lightening the mood every once in a while is fine, but if he is so emotionally immature that he can't focus on anything serious, it could be a problem. The first step is not to react to his jokes when they come at the inappropriate time. Laughter only encourages him to keep being immature. The second thing is to give him responsibilities and let him feel the consequences. Tell him he has to pay the light bill on time. He won't be laughing when he has to shower in the dark because he was too busy cracking jokes to pay attention to the bill's due date. Hopefully, he'll learn that there are some things he needs to take seriously.

3. He has a weird relationship with his mom

A guy who is a total mommy's boy can be endearing until he becomes your long term boyfriend or husband. Then his attachment with the woman who birthed him gets to be weird. If his mom knows more about your relationship than you do, he probably needs that connection to fuel his emotional immaturity. You're both adults. If his relationship with his mom is beyond the usual, tell him that you're worried he's too attached to her. Because he's emotionally immature, his reaction will probably be hostile and he will probably accuse you of being petty or jealous. Stand your ground. You don't have to make him choose between you and his mom - you don't want to totally destroy his relationship with the woman. However, shifting his loyalties might be nice. And if he refuses, well, maybe he and his mom should be in the long term relationship and you should find a boyfriend or husband who has a healthy, not weird, relationship with his mother.

4. He's spending all of your money

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A guy who is emotionally immature has no regard for how adults have to live, like saving money for bills instead of going to Vegas with the guys. If he's going out every night and spending all of his - and your - hard earned money, he's probably immature. The best thing to do if you're in a situation like this is to keep separate bank accounts and encourage him to save money or set money aside for specific frivolities. It might sound harsh to keep your own bank account, but it's probably for the best, especially if you're not married yet. You have to be aware that a guy with the maturity of a teenager might take a whimsical trip to the Rockies at any moment. You have to protect both of you by keeping the money safe and flowing in the right direction - like towards bills, not vacations.

5. Nothing is ever his fault

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What about the vase that he knocked over? Well, if you'd just put it somewhere else it wouldn't have fallen over. The light bill you asked him to pay? If you wanted it paid on time you should have done it yourself. A guy who is emotionally immature doesn't get that he could be at fault for something that happened. He'll constantly be looking for a scapegoat to assign blame when something goes wrong. To deal with this, don't let him get away with it. You're not at fault even if he makes you feel like you are. You can't force him to accept responsibility for his actions, but you can try to make him come to that conclusion himself by refusing to go along with his constant blame game.

6. He has a short temper

A major telltale sign of a guy who is emotionally immature is that he gets angry quickly and takes a long time to defuse. He's not the kind of guy who forgives and forgets. If your guy will explode over seemingly little things and continue to let it bother him for days or weeks after the incident, he's probably emotionally immature. Like the child in his brain, he reacts irrationally to even the smallest of irritants. He likely throws tantrums no matter where he is, including public places like restaurants and grocery stores, when he doesn't get his way. Like with children, the best way to handle his short temper is to react with calmness. Getting into a screaming match only fuels his anger and encourages his tantrums. Remaining calm and trying to calm him down, but never giving in to his demands, is the best way to counteract this aspect of an emotionally immature guy.

7. He assigns himself personality traits

If your guy ever talks about how nice he is right after he made a rude comment about a stranger walking by, he's probably emotionally immature. He knows that he's supposed to be nice, so he says that he is even if everyone around him knows it isn't true. In this case, pointing out that his rude comment makes him not a very nice person is a way to show him that he needs to fit the personality he thinks he has. Making him examine his choices and think about how to act nice rather than just call him nice, he might be able to move beyond saying, "I'm a nice person," and actually act like a nice person.

8. He doesn't have a ton of real friends

A guy who is emotionally immature likes to be surrounded by people but he doesn't have a ton of friends. This is because he struggles to form meaningful relationships when his mind and behavior are childish. The few friends that he does have will probably be younger than him because they can keep up with his immature antics. Introduce him to your friends and encourage him to try and find common ground with them. When he actually tries, your emotionally immature guy is probably very smart, and he shouldn't have any problem conversing with people his own age and building friendships with you there to guide him.

9. He's got a superiority complex

Children tend to think they're number one, which is why your emotionally immature guy probably has a superiority complex. He'll often try to one up you. If you get a promotion at work he'll probably tell a story of how his boss told him he's the best one on the team and he's a shoe in for the next open position above his current one. This may or may not be the truth, as long as it makes him seem better than you. First off, don't let his need to feel important take away from your own pride in your accomplishments. It's a personality trait of someone who is immature to try and tear the people around him down to build himself up, but try not to let him succeed. Second, remind him that he's not the only one in the relationship and that you are important, too. Suggest going out to dinner to celebrate your accomplishment only. Show him that you're not going to be second to him and hopefully his emotionally immature brain will let him catch up!

10. He's flimsy in emotional situations

A guy who is emotionally immature is great to lighten the mood and make a group of people laugh. He makes everything a joke, which is why he's not great when it comes to serious situations. Inviting him to your grandfather’s funeral might mean enduring a couple of hours of attempts at getting everyone to laugh, if he even shows up at all. He might also run away when things get tough. At the first sign of a serious argument, an immature guy is going to get scared and take off. If you need his support and he's struggling to take it seriously, make sure he understands how important it is for him to be there. Tell him stories that will engage him emotionally so that he knows he needs to be there for you. In the funeral example, telling a funny story about something Grandpa did will feed his need to find humor in everything and also remind him that you're a human with emotions and sometimes you just need him to be your rock. If he's running away when things get hard, pull him back. Don't force it, but make sure he knows that conversation is the key and you can talk it out as adults. If he refuses to come back; fill his place with someone who can handle arguments and serious conversations without bailing out at the first sign of trouble!

11. He just generally acts like a kid

The emotionally immature guy is the first one to offer to sit at the kid's table on Thanksgiving. He's also the one that takes paper crowns at restaurants and laughs at fart jokes. He seems to be a grown man stuck in a child's body. While engaging your inner child is totally fine, if he takes it too far, reel him back in and remind him that you're adults that have more responsibilities than the kids. He can still hang out with his young family members, but he needs to be an adult, too. Help him find that balance by asking him to sit at the adult table but joining him and the kids for a game of two hand touch football in the backyard. Sometimes being a kid is fun, but only when it comes in small doses.

Being with a guy who is emotionally immature

Maintaining a relationship with a guy who is emotionally immature isn't easy, but it's not impossible, either. If you can recognize the signs and use these tips to get beyond his immaturity, you can have a nice, long term relationship. If being with a guy who fits these signs isn't for you, cut him loose and find a guy who doesn't have to work at being an adult.


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